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I've been dating the most wonderful man who loves me to death, for 8 months. We plan to meet his family in 3 weeks,10 states away. He is talking about marriage, and making his house bigger, talks about ring. I have 5 children, who he loves my kids..one is a mayor of a city, and Leon golfs with him.
My boyfriend just retired from the air force of 22 years. He is a realtor now, and we met because I did his marketing. You can see him on my website.
This week he was showing me an email a contract he was working on, and an email from an X- girlfriend popped up, giving her answer from returning a phone call from him asking her to go to lunch. I was devastated, because he did this previously in Dec, he told her not to make contact at that time. He was contacting her...This time he immediately wrote her an email again, stating he was going to marry me soon, to leave him alone. I was upset. He was so upset I was crying, and he doesn't know why he did it. He is now getting help from a counselor, for his strange behavior. He wants to be alone to sort things out, I am so hurt. She wants nothing to do with him. That same night, he assured me he was going to work this out with me, and then, the next morning I called him and he broke up with me because he said I wouldn't be able to trust him again.
All of this happened Sunday...and on Wednesday, I heard he was on Match.com. It devastated me, and I went out to the golf course, they were playing in a mens league, I demanded he come talk to me, and explain everything. We went to have a beer. I said how could you throw this away? I thought we were getting married...And he said we just need to take it slow, and he still loves me but is messed up from his actions. I don't know what is going to happen with anything - and our family trip he planned! I told him he needs to seek a counselor, and he did, they say for him not to see anyone.
He has now become distant, and I have seen him everyday for the past 8 months - and then no contact. I am dying inside. I love him so. He is seeking counsel because he doesn't understand why he did this. (The X girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with him). This is so hard.
I am a good person, and I went over there last night, asked him why did you cut me off, I thought we had all of these plans - he texted me this morning...
morning... I returned the text morning, are you golfing this am...no response... he use to text me all day long... what do I do? What about our family trip in 3 weeks...
I understand that you are willing to overlook his faults but I have to give him around of aplause because he obviously know that he can't help himself and he doesn't want to hurt you. You don't want to be with someone that can't be faithful, it's not worth the worrying and wondering all the time. I think you should let him go, and I don't think he is trying to punish you I think he is trying to help you.
Instead of crying in your beer, be glad you found out after only 8 months, that he has issues to deal with, so let him deal with them by himself.
Honestly talking marriage that soon is amazing to me, and maybe you should have slowed it down to get to know each other better. I thought only kids were impulsive about love.
honestly i know this will hurt if i say this but you deserve someone much better. I know he seems like a great guy in the beginning but what is love if the other person cant be faithful? then its not real love and later it will only hurt even more. You have had amazing 8 months with this guy and thats what counts, now its gunna be hard getting over this pain but you have your own dignity and respect and want someone that loves you and only you! He might come crying to you one day but im sure by then youll be over it, i think for now dont make any drastic decisions but listen to your own heart (corny but it really helps)
we cant change people if they dont want to change but we learn from then and move on. Every experience is like a puzzle piece and once we put it together we get the hole picture. Get the strength from your 5 incredible kids who love and adore you as their mother. Theyll help you and be there for you. Let him figure himself out and give your heart and brain a break and go out with your friends and family, go on the family trip with your family you and your kids u guys are still a family and love eachother. Dont let him confuse you and hurt you, he was the one with the mistake and inapproriate behavior. Live your life with or without a man, for now give urself a break
hope this sorta helped
**LD**
Yes, I would say thank god you found out about this before the marriage and yoiu got too tied into things with him. Let him go and find someone else that really is all the wonderful things you pretended he was.
Agree with all the others, here. Be glad that you found out about him before marriage. You are indeed better off alone, than always having to wonder if he's trying to have a get together with some other woman, or if he's got a profile up on a dating site. He's already concealed things from you. If you stay with him he'll keep doing that. And he'd probably be dating some women from that dating site and not tell you about it. He's obviously not committed to you; try to find someone who's more a 'One Woman Man' type.
I have seen so many times that a man that says what a woman wants to hear gets her to go too far too fast. How do you tell if it's too good to be true?? See if he ever says things you don't want to hear too - along with the sweet promises. Then see if he talks truth with your family and friends and really connects with people...
he is a mess....recover on your own....and be glad mr match.com/email/marriage guy can keep trucking - elsewhere.
Thank you so much for all of your responses...your help is much appreciated! God Bless you for your kindness!
Sunday afternoon Lee calls me and wants to go to dinner. Very unexpected since I hadn't heard from him... I accepted, but don't know why...
His first comment is "You stole My Heart" and he loves me, wants to mend everything and
we talked for 4 hours. We went for a long walk. He loves me and he wasn't dating anyone else, or talking to anyone else...He goes home. Monday I ask to meet him at a dairy queen for 15 minutes, and everything seemed great.
He wrote me this wonderful email...too..I like how you signed your email. Its going to be tough but I think we can mend things. I had no idea what I put you through. We can ease back together again and make it work between us. I had a great time just conversing with you last night. Carol was right, you are a great catch. I never denied that.
Your man,
Lee
That evening we were going to spend time together, but he text me stating he was going over to an older couple's house we run around with, that he was also to exhausted. I never responded back. Rick and Jan, the couple said he was there till 11:30.
The next day, he didn't respond to me a text that said "I miss you" and when 2:30 came along, I decided to call and see what was going on...Said I miss you, just wanted to hear your voice. I hope you are ok...I am still working through all of this and don't understand why you can't talk to me...He text me back stating he was with clients..he would call me later.
I went to pick up jewelry I bought at his best friends house - his wife had a jewelry party.
He called as I was there picking it up, and was telling me he wasn't being honest with me and that our relationship is over, he doesn't want to do this anymore...
and he feels bad about Sunday, and what he has done to me. I said what happened, he said he couldn't do this anymore. That he didn't love me anymore..He said he had no more feelings for me...he was going to bring my computer back...I am lost...sick - Is he a psycho? He broke up with me again - He goes to counseling today on the base. I sat with his best friend's wife all evening trying to sort out what happened..crying my eyes out. Thought we had worked out all of our problems...
Sorry you had to go thru this ordeal with this fellow, who is obviously not ready for a mature relationship, but I'm sure that after the crying is over, the healing can begin. I'm sure you will take it much slower, and more cautiously, in the future.
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