ok....

ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years - we have lived together in the past but about a year ago (we had been arguing) he said he didnt think it was a good idea for us to live together anymore as he didnt want us to argue anymore, we broke up for a couple of days and then agreed to give it 6 months living apart to se if it helped and then we would move back in together if it did. It has helped and we have got on brilliantly, i feel very much in love with him but the sticking issue in our relationship is that he seems very reluctant to try living together again.

I know it seems like I am placing a lot of importance on the living together thing but he has always been someone who doesnt know what he wants, he doesnt think about the future and this worries me.

I saw him last night and we argued because we spoke about living together and he said to me the words 'eventually' which is what he always says. I told him to leave and he went home at about midnight. I then sent him these e mails this morning.



"I need for you to make some decisions.

eventually is not a word i ever want to hear again, that and in a sec make my blood boil, because they mean nothing, eventually is a word that describes something a long way a way, the end of a journey or something.

Im already pretty much at the end of my journey - i told you before i am sick of waiting - you say to me that you dont know what the rush is but this IS the reason for the rush. I need a bit more security and for me that would be if we lived together again. I miss you loads when you arent there, its not been AWFUL obviously but i dont want this anymore, i dont want us going to our separate places - and if you do want that, then you need to question what you want from us, because if thats all you want then just let me go because it isnt enough for me.

It would break my heart completely to break up with you, i love you very much but on the other hand i think i deserve something more after all this time. I think i deserve for someone to know that they want to be with me, for someone to want to think about 'our' future and plan to move back in together again. It would also be nice for you to want to plan to move back in together again, deep down though fitz i know that you dont want this, this is the one sticking point in our relationship. I dont know what you are scared of, if this is a massive thing for you but we do need to get over this somehow. Im not the same person that i was when we first got together, I feel that if we did have a place that we could give one another space to go out and do our own thing - its no different now is it?

Please stop tellin gme what you think i want to hear and tell me how you honestly feel. If you still do not feel ready to give me a bit more after 3 years then we seriously need to think where this is going because im frightened to be honest.

also it would be good if you replied to this and actually gave me some proper answers, i need to know that you care about this as much as i do because at the moment it feels like me pushing and you keep trying to fobb me off - stop doing that, just be honest with me and be my friend. "


he replied with

" I am your friend. and i don't understand why or you're or what you're frightened of.

i don't really know what i want, and that is the truth. whether or not that's enough for you is your choice. i'm an indecisive, piece of sh1t. "


Ive told him that I dont think i can be with him anymore, ive waited a long time and we are really good together, im heartbroken because he seems to not realise how serious i am. This is my fault as i have always gone back to him and we've always worked things out. I told him id like to see him tomorrow night but he is going out with his work and will not change this.

tugman_1

talk to him and see if you two are togther or not

lisalou

he doesnt want to break up, he wants things to stay the same as they are. I need to see him really to talk about this all properly but for now ive said that i need him to make a decision, is it fair to keep me hanging on like this? to make no plans to build future together?

tugman_1

no its not fair......

J_9

It sounds as though it is time to tell him that it is time for him to make a decision. "Are we going anywhere with this relationship? Will we move forward or stay stagnant?"

After 3 years you deserve to know where this relationship is going and it is time to make some decisions.

If he is unable to make a decision then you are the one who has to make it. Tell him that you cannot continue to wait and that you have a life to live, with or without him.

lisalou

i agree, i just feel sick. Really sick. im at work at the moment and im trying not to cry.

IM just devestated as we have a lot of fun when we are together, i trust him implicitly which is very important to me. I dont want to be without him but i know that I really shouldnt continue things if he cannot make a decision. Hes living rent free with him mum at the moment and though it has been good as we've been able to afford to do more things I need to have more security in our relationship. he doesnt understand this as he thinks that as long as we are together then i should feel this, but i am scared he will never make a decision

tugman_1

don't start crying it will just bring you down more................ (i'm only 17 and i'm saying all these things)

J_9

He is living with his Mum? Hmmmmm, first red flag, unless he is a teen.

A couple needs to make decisions together, if he cannot make a decision it is time for you to move forward.

You see, what you get now is what you will always have if you get married. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

lisalou

not at all. and i know that. ive asked myself that question too. I am 25 and he is 24. im just not very good at breaking up with people, especially when i love him so much.

tugman_1

my Xboyfriend is 23 almost 24 he will be 24 on Oct the 11th and he is still liveing with his mom and dad and hes not paying rent.....i know how it is to love some with all you hreat