There is a new guy at work--been there about six weeks. He was so sweet and nice at first--made it a point to make eye contact with me and say hi, even if I didn't notice he was around at first. His smile lit up the world. I've smiled and made eye contact right back, and found reasons to visit his office for work-related reasons. I'm terribly shy, but this helped me get more comfortable around him. He seems quite shy too. Suddenly, he is avoiding me. It's going on 10 days now. Why? I haven't behaved inappropriately, but I did totally feel what I thought was a mutual attraction.

Skell

He has probably realised you flirting or whatever with him but knows that it isnt a good idea to have anything with someone he works with.

He is new and probably just wanted to make a good impression with his work ethic and attitude and not get involved with someone from work.

It might be a good idea if you follow the same path. concentrate on your work. be friendly but also realise that it is very unadvisable to get into and office romance!

chuff

Maybe he's interested in somebody else at work and didn't want to create any problems by flirting with you.

talaniman

Take the hint and back off.

JayLee

You better believe I backed off! It took me a few days to figure out what was happening. My office is in a central location where the elevators are and the hall to the restrooms and break area. He used to take the elevators when he got here and left for the day, and that was when he'd look in and say hi, but Monday was the last time. I thought maybe he just felt silly because last Monday he said hello as he was rounding the corner, and when I said good morning he came back around the corner and stared at me for a minute like he thought I was going to say something else, then we both sort of laughed and he left. But by Thursday I knew he was avoiding me.

So anyway, what I want to understand is why the sudden avoidance.

Also, my self-confidence is a little fragile right now and I'm trying to hide how stupid I suddenly feel. It's a horrible feeling to know that someone is going out of their way to avoid you, and not know why! Especially since I was very careful to be professional and not treat him any different from anyone else. Maybe it was easier to smile around him, but that's all. I'm well-liked here at work and have a reputation for being highly competent and easy to get along with.

Wildcat21

Well - most smart people know...

'Don't dip your pen in the company ink' - usually office romance turn out bad and creepy. Some work. Most don't - then there's the gossip.

It may be nothing more than him not wanting to get involved ever with someoene at work.

And yes, he probably has a love interest.

chuff

Yes, and the worst part of the office romance isn't even the break up, it's the fact you have to see them all the time. When a normal relationship ends, it's sort of like someone dies (sorry to be so cold) because you don't have to see them again. They become part of you memory. In office romances they are always there. It never goes away. I've done several office romances and they never turn out good.

Here_To_Help- Jon

You could email him and just say..."I havent seen you in a few days....is everything OK?" - doing so doesnt layout any blame, doesnt put you in a bad spot...just "checking in" - then see what he does or says.

ilovcali

Yeah, I dated a girl from my first job one time. Didn't work out. However, in that situation I was fine, but she avoided me at all costs, which was hard since her cube was three away from mine.

Never a good idea unless it works. But sometimes it can. In your situation though, this guy is already making it clear, so don't even bother. Plus, nothing much has happened so not much drama should arise from this. Should boil over in a week.

s_cianci

It's hard to say why. Do you suppose it's possible that another co-worker got to him and said something disparaging to him about you? Maybe they said some general remark to the effect that dating coworkers is frowned upon at your company. Are there any known "busybodies" working at your company who might do that sort of thing? It seems to me that that's a distinct possibility.