Hey guys... I'm new here so I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet and talk to you all. I read a lot of post, and made me realize a lot of things... but I have to admit, regardless of many wonderful advices, it is still really tough... Although many of the situations here revolve around break ups which can relate to me, I would still like to get some of your opinions regarding my situation. I hope I'm not being selfish by asking as such...

Well... I'm not even sure where to begin... about a month ago, exactly 3 days after Valentines day, my girlfriend... of 4 years broke up with me and I really took it bad. I have to admit I was partially at fault (I guess we both were) that it ended up the way it did.

Our relationship for the past 3 years was really good... although we had ups and downs, we both promised each other that if there are any problems... that we would talk about it. Although we had arguments, it was not severe that it ruined the relationship. I was always open to her about any concerns and fears that I have and vice versa, she did too, as well. We always spent time together and were inseparable. I introduced her to my family and she was treated as one of our own. We took her to vacations and we all cared about her. I would always worry when she goes out late at night... and I would always take her home and bring her safely if need be. I treated her with every respect and loved her to my fullest.

However, there are problems that began recently that just really developed and exploded in the end... She never told me the problem exactly, however I knew about it and was planning to do something to make her feel happy. Although she didn't tell me what was eating her... I knew she felt unappreciated as of late, and unhappy... We haven't gone out a lot anymore and at the same time, she felt that I relied on her a lot... which sadly I did last semester especially.

The thing is, it was a tough time for me... someone very dear to me, passed away recently... and on top of that, it was during Finals. Being in Columbia University and as a Biomedical Engineering Major and Pre-Med... also made it worse for me and it was a tough and stressful time. I couldn't give her enough time although we talked about it and I thought she understood. I have to admit, my hands are not clean and we have had arguments that was really bad... however I made sure it didn't carry to the next day and I tried to work it out.

everything went well... I guess however somehow I somehow felt that she felt discontent so I began planning a lot of things. (First of all, she kept trying to find out when am I gonna propose to her, which is really uncool... I think proposal should take place as a surprise. Maybe this is my mistake but I lied to her and told her after medical school which really isn't the truth. I was actually planning to marry her a year and half from now after Columbia). I was gonna take her and travel to Maine with her (ski trip), go ballroom dancing (which she wanted to do for awhile) etc. Cause I knew she was feeling unhappy and I wanted to show her that she is very much appreciated for being there all the time.

I think I'm writing too much so to make it short and simple.. she suddenly broke up with me in the PHONE and told me she doesn't love me anymore. Foolish me, in desperation and panicked traveled from my place to her house via Subway during 3am to just talk to her face to face. When I arrived at her house she lied to me that she wasn't there, then threatened to call cops on me...

the night ended and nothing really happened... however she did promised to meet me the following afternoon in which I waited and she did not show up. she then avoided all my calls and text. A week later we met and we chatted and she told me she doesn't love me anymore and only sees me as a friend. Yea... I got the point and I stopped pursuing the relationship. However I cared and still loved her... (maybe i was acting stupid) We decided to see each other as friends and went ballroom dancing as planned (3 days in a row). everything went so well... that by the end of the night... she was so happy and kissed me and had me kissed her... What am I supposed to think...

the following day though, she was bitter and spiteful again towards me... telling me what do I have that other guys do not... which hurts a lot and even then I dropped her home at 2am, but when i tried to kiss her, she back out and pushed me away...

I felt like during our meetings, I felt lead on... One moment she does something that makes me feel that there is hope, and the next she does something that makes it feel like its over... she says doesnt love me anymore and sees me as a friend and then following day... she kissed me again and told me I still love you but I dont know right now...

she asked for time and I gave her time... thinking it would the best thing to do. Now after 3 weeks... I found out shes dating a new guy... (friggin rebound?!) and that when I called her... all she says to me is bitter words, and is very spiteful, cold and uncaring. Yet 1 week ago, I saw in her eyes that she was still caring about everything I do... She doesn't answer my text, doesnt call me and at the same time... she is really mean to me and tells me I'm the worse BF she ever had... Considering I was with her for 4 years and her other relationships were only months + her ex before that cheated on her...

I was always faithful to her and never once considered any other girl but her. I cared and loved her so much and yet now she is so distant and cold towards me...

I don't exactly know what to do right now... I'll give more info if need be...

Thanks for reading my problem... I just needed it to get off my chest..

Sorry for the really crappy grammar errors, I just typed it as it came to my head.

HistorianChick

You're not being stupid, you're acting with your heart. You've listened to your heart, your emotions, your feelings... now listen to your head.

You know that you need to not read her text messages because they make you feel awful. You know that you are moving on. You know that you are feeling better and are more able to live your life for you, rather than second guess yourself and try and figure out what she is trying to do. You know that you're in a better place right now then you were when you were with her. You know all of this.

Don't let emotions cloud your good judgement. I agree with JB, don't even read the messages. Don't give her back pieces of your heart that you've reclaimed. Don't give her your power. Don't allow her to control you, your reactions, or your emotions.

You're doing well, keep it up.

talaniman

Break ups bring out the worst in us, for sure.

talaniman

That is a very true statement. After all you've been thru, ignore her, and keep building a life you enjoy, without her in it. She gave up the right to ask you anything when she dumped you. Keep no contact, and keep your dignity and self respect.

Leonstryfe

Yea I realized that, thanks a lot guys. Plus I found it funny because she wrote somewhere along the lines of me being able to speak to her again. lol What is this... for me to be able to talk to her = a priviledge.. It's just funny... by the way, thanks a lot guys..

cerisa

Leon, maybe her leaving is the best thing that could happen for you. Really. You are pursuing a good education which translates to a good future. She is mature enough to understand this?" Love is patient, love is kind" are true words. She is behaving spitefully because she is doing something wrong herself. Rebound? I don't think so. I think she has been seeing someone else or planning to leave for a while. Let her bestow her crumbs on someone else. A woman who appreciates you and the sacrifice you make for a secure future will come your way. She will be the one happy to see you succeed.

COOKIE MONSTER

i agree with historianchick-dont give her your power,
talaniman-she gave up the right to ask you anything when she dumped you 100% spot on,
and cerisa -a woman who appreciates you and the sacrifice you make for a secure future will come your way,she will be the one happy to see you succeed.

i told you not to let her get to you and thats what shes trying to do with the tex,shes seeing if your still sat their waiting for her to tex and come back,i wouldnt put it past her if shes been waiting for you to begg her to come back and because you havent she texed you first to see if you would reply

your doing great just keep your chin up n your mind bizi

Witchywoman1212

Now i see whats happening,very similar to mine, ex moves on quickly-meaning she probably met the guy beforehand,and then start being mean and spiteful to you.
Very similar, you soooo need to not contact her anymore, its difficult,believe me i knwo and struggling from it.
You have friends here, so dont think you have to go this alone