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I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. I transferred schools my senior year and as soon as I met him I fell in love with him. I connect with him more than I have ever connected with anyone, meaning any other boyfriend. If you had to compare us it would be like the couple in The Notebook (not to be cheesy) Honestly we fight, then love, fight, love, but we are crazy for each other. I love him more than anyone I have ever seen and I have been in love twice. We seem to complete each other and I consider him my bestfriend, kind of like "I cant live without you type of love." The past couple of months have been tough. I went through a major crisis and ever since then he hasn't been the same. I feel like I am losing him. It's like he doesnt look at me the same or doesnt love me like he used to. I am on meds for depression and with that I am not allowed to drink and he is quite the drinker/partier. I used to be but am not anymore. He smokes weed and I enjoy that as well but my doctor told me until I figure out the right meds then I shouldn't be doing it. I quit school and am in search for a job, so basically I stay at home alone. We like about 30 minutes away and he works third shift at a factory until next fall where he will start back up with school again. Since he works 3rds he sleeps til like 6 pm and is never in the mood to do anything during the week so I dont see him much during the week. On the weekends all he wants to do is party and sinceI cant, he doesnt want to put me in a "difficult situatuion" Right now I feel like I dont even know him anymore and that we are drifting apart. I seem to be the only one who cares about the relationship. We have tried the break thing and it doesnt work because we just go right back out. I feel alone and not cared about. Like he doesnt care what I want. I know he loves me, but I think he thinks its the wrong timing for us or something. What can I do? What should I do? Should I just run along with things while he does his own thing and Im left in the dust? Please, anyone help!
He is busy, your not. How come you don't have a life you enjoy without him? I'll be willing to bet the depression wont be as bad as it is now, if you had a job, took a class, had hobbies you liked, or people in your life to balance things out some. Depending on another to be happy, is a fools game that ends in disaster, as far as relationships go. Why don't you work, or something?
I am looking for a job right now, I live in a small town and theres not that many opportunities. But I will soon get one...promise! But you still didnt really help me with my decission. SHould I break up with him? Its kinda like we are at different areas in our life. Can that make a relationship work? We had a fight tonight because I "worry" too much about our relationship. Its like I am doiing all the wrong and he is reminding me which makes me feel like . I love him but whats a girl to do? Im trying to get my life turned aroound and its like hes busy in his own life and doesnt want to be in mine. I cant really talk to him about this either bc all he does is get pissed bc he is making me reassure him all the time. UGH! What to do, what to do. Can I do better, or is this the one??
I don't know what to tell you, I can't decide for you whether or not to stay or go, no one can, only you and him, that's all up to you. Relationships go through tough periods, all relationships, but if you can't find a way to work through the tough times then you will end up splitting up. If talking to him about this is not a possibility then that's something to consider when deciding to stay or go, personally communication in a relationship is the most important thing to me, if you can't talk to the one you love then who can you talk to?
I wish you all the best, but I can't decide this for you.
Gee Als, I just think your whole perspective is clouded by your personal circumstances. (NO job, hobbies, friends, basically no life of your own) so whats he supposed to do. Get your own life together, and you'll be better able to see if this relationship can work or not. That's my advice.
Talaniman, I think his drinking and smoking pot is more of the issue. Is it ok for him to do that without me while I am alone? Yesterday we planned on seeing a late movie and while I was getting ready he was going to hang with the guys to have one or two beers (thats what he said) so I headed over to his house (which is like 30 minutes away) and I got there and he had 4 instead of what he told me. So he couldnt drive so I ended up driving to the movies. And of course on the way we smoked a bowl. I mean I feel like the only one in this relationship. Kind of like "oh when will I see you next" and always calling him and so on and so forth. He looked at my text messages as well last night and I was talking to one of my good girlfriends and I was telling her (he is going to a big party today w.o me and Im nervous) how I dont think I can trust him. He ended up getting really upset and leaving me for the rest of the night bc I was talking crap about him to my friends. But guys to that to us too right? His goal tonight is to get completely faced. Therefore, I am worried about other women. To make more sence when I fisrt started dating him I was the "other" girl, meaning I was the one he cheated on with while he was in another relationship. I worry if it could happen to me. I mean is the statement true on "once a cheater always a cheater?" I know you can't change people but I just want him to understand where I am coming from for once. So am I overreacting about everything. Should I forget the past and stop worrying?
P.S. Are we not allowed to cuss on this or what?
Whats the real issue about pot and drinking? He's living his life as any person would, and since you cant, you'd think he'd stop too? Did you tell him to stop? I just had this conversation with my boyfriend of two years, while we were on our break, we both smoked weed, he liked it. i didnt. i told him that we wouldnt further our relationship unless he realized what he wanted. weed or me. it came down to that he said that he would always pick me over anything and that he wouldnt give me up for anything.
my boyfriend is a huge party animal and for him to say that means a lot to me. that doesnt mean he's gonna quit partying cold turkey but one day at a time, works fine for me.
the past is the past. all you can do is hope that he's willing to work on a future with you.
Thank you for explaining some of your fears, and insecurities. Excuse my harshness, but your whole life is unhealthy, at this point and you are depending way to much on him for you to be happy, for example, he has a life without you, and you can't say the same, so of course you feel left out, and you took him from someone else, and are afraid he will do it to you. You both are distracted while drinking and doping. All unhealthy signs, and for whatever reasons, (youth????) you haven't understood a word I have said to you. To put it simple, you feel alone, because you depend on him, and not yourself. Sorry its easy to put the blame on him, and he does what he does, but you accept it, and he does it. You can change it if your not happy, getting rid of him would help, but that's just my opinion. I bet he looked and acted better, when the other chick had him. Sorry if I couldn't help more.
Tal, you say that he was different and I think you said happier with the other girl, but then why did he leave her for me? So, I get my life going and then I will feel better about the relationship, or is it just bad all around? Can I ask you if you have ever been in love? It is like I want it to work because I am IN LOVE with him. I don't need him to make me live. I am not like a poor girl who is just pathetic or whatever you want to think. Yeah, I like when he makes me happy, and sure it may be alot of the time we are together. The way I can explain it to you Tal is that he is like my drug, like I am high (besides the fighting) when he makes me feel good or happy. Isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be about, or one of the factors? I know there comes trust and respect and all that, but it feels good when the one your so in love with makes you happy. So in your opinion you think I should get my life together without him? What happened to the saying "love is all you need" I mean I am like the girl who is crazy about love and would do anything to have it. Why can't I get my life together but still be with him? I guess I am asking you should I just let it go with his habbits? Don't get me wrong if I could I would be doing the same things as him. As in smoking pot anddrinking. Overall I don't want to lose him..... Thanks for the advice again and see if you can help me out more, since your just so damn good
All you need is love. Well, that's wonderful, and if you were in a movie or a novel then that would definitely work. Welcome to the real world dear. A relationship is give and take, you seem to want him to do all the giving while you do all the taking, that's not a good situation.
When Tal says to work on your own life, he's basically saying that you need to stop relying on someone else to make you happy.
You can get your life together and still be with him, just stop expecting him to fulfill you. Find happiness within and you will strengthen the relationship. Nobody wants to be with someone who is clingy and needy, that gets tired really fast.
As for the pot and drinking, that's a whole other story. If you need drugs and alcohol to make you happy then you have more problems then any of us can solve.
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