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I saw my boyfriend having sex with another women in my car. he was drunk and dont remember what happened. before this we were the perfect couple and he loved the ground i walked on. he said he is sorry for what he has done and he hates himself and will do anything for another chance. he has got rid of the car and got me a new one. what shall i do? he has never done anything like this before should i give him a second chance?
Alcohol doesn't make you do anything. Ever, at all. All it does is give you an excuse (and yes, it's an excuse, not a reason) for doing the things you have some desire to do but know you shouldn't.
I don't know how long you've been dating or how serious it was... that has a bearing on whether you should give him a second chance. I'd be hesitant regardless, but there are a number of issues to consider. No matter what, though, one condition needs to be that he give up alcohol. It's normal to be tempted, but to drink to the point of losing control and blacking out is a serious warning sign that he needs to reevaluate that part of his life before dealing with anything.
Brand new car: a few grand
Amount of alcohol it takes to get drunk: A few bucks
Emotional energy spent watching a man break a woman's trust: Priceless
It's still wrong, sweetie. A new car? Hey great, he's got the money to spoil you. But no dollar amount can make up for what he did. He can start his 'sorry' by not drinking anymore; look at what it 'made' him do. If he doesn't quit, then its liable to happen again, because he obviously can't control himself.
Well, it definitely calls into question his character and the depth of his committment to your relationship. In my book, you'd be well advised to end it right now and not look back, but if you must try to salvage it, go VERY slow and reestablish trust between you a little at a time over the course of several months. If he can't handle that, then there's your answer.
Like every one else, I would make not drinking a condition for this relationship and wouldn't let him back until he has proven with time he is sober. Unless he addresses this problem with positive action there is no telling what he will do next. He will do something next if he continues to drink.
The guy's got a problem. First see if he's willing to face and solve that problem. If you care about a person, you help them grow -- if they are willing to grow. Otherwise, finish it. It will be better for both of you then. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. I've learned the hard way...
drunk arguments are one thing, drunk sex is quite another - sounds like a cheater, to the core! If you want to work through it, give it a shot, but remember that people who cheat are not likely to change unless they have a major personal moment that reveals to them that selfishness is not a successsful way to live life.
You yelling at them will not accomplish this moment.
i never thought it would hurt this much
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