Well its me again...

For those of you who read my previous posts, you know what I have been through lately, and I am just looking for a little more advice...

Since my girlfriend has asked me for space, I have refused to initiate any contact with her. However, I told her that i would be here for her, if she ever needed me. I told her that I will give her the space she wants, but if she needs to contact me, I wont ignore her...

Well, so far she has done a lot of contacting me. In the last two weeks, I dont think we have gone 24 hours without talking, but 95% of the contact was initiated by her? I dont know how to take this..

I refuse to let myself believe that this means she is changing her mind, and thinks it was a mistake to leave me. I dont want to set myself up for disappointment, I just dont understand what is going on...

She has called me more than once and told me that she is very upset, and sometimes feels like she is never going to feel better, or feels like she can't live without me. The best I can tell her is that this is what she wanted, and she has to deal with the consequences of her decision. I told her that I would be here for her to talk to, but I can't tell her that what she did was right or wrong, nor can I tell her if she will feel better. That truly depends on her feelings for me I believe....

Anyone have any insight??

chuff

It sounds like from what you've written here that she is trying to dump her emotional problems or issues onto to you. To me that's a recipe for disaster because once she's emotionally fixed herself your left with her problems and not her. If she wants seperation then that's what she should get. If you want to be there for her then talk about the days events but the moment she starts whining about her emotional concerns, leave the conversation. That's her problem not yours.

talaniman

There are a lot of threads here like yours, where after initiating a break they want to know how to get back with the ex. The advice is generally the same and that is to leave them alone and heal and get healthy. They are a confused as your ex is and need the time to get over the emotional fallout of the break. I suspect the same dynamic is at play here as her fear of you forgetting her is making her run to you. What many forget is that a healthy, honest relationship, depends on two healthy and honest people working together and communicating to solve their problems and without that, the same things that broke them up will repeat itself. You have been smart enough to work on your issues and deal with them she has not. All she cares about is filling the emotional need you provided, without the benefit of working on herself and her issues. Its easier than facing the real problem of working for a healthy relationship. I suggest you read some of those threads and add to your own insight to decide if she is honestly ready, or still confused and needs you for an emotional crutch.

sypher373

Tal, I understand what you are saying, but I dont know if you understand I am not asking how I can get her back.

The problem I was concerned with is if being there for her was the wrong thing to do...

Case in point, she just called me, not 5 minutes ago. i was at the gym earlier and I missed a call from her, but she got me when I got back. She is sick, and just called to say she wanted to say goodnight before bed. Thats fine with me, then she told me how much she missed me, while on the verge of tears...

I have to admit, at this point im not sure what I should say to her. Pretty much all I said is...I know, its okay..just go to sleep so youll feel better. I want to be comforting, but at the same time I dont know if I want to tell her how much i miss her, and make her feel as if im dependant....

Just wanted to clarify, based on your response im not sure i was clear enough the first time

talaniman

No prob. I knew you where not looking to get her back, and sorry for the long winded explanation I was just giving insight as to why she is calling in the first place. As far as a shoulder to cry on, as long as you let her she will call looking for her crutch. This in my opinion does her no good but keeps false hope alive on her part.

sypher373

Ahh okay,

I understand a little more now...

Something ill definately keep in mind,

Thanks

Jiser

Shes confused so it seems perhaps you are to. A little space for both of you to find yourselves won't hurt. Why don't you explain to her maybe you two shouldn't speak for a while. She wanted that.