Well..

I screwed up, not once, not twice, not three times, but atleast 10.

It started with her telling me we are "dragging this on," and me being the idiot I am i listened and agreed, 5 days later it's, "I really think we need to talk about this being dragged on.." while i'm in the shower, so i jump out and get the news.. we are dragging this on, i want to be friends, Maby we will have something down the line.

So, we cry together blah blah, we talk, agree, and I get upset after i realize she is truely gone about 5 minutes later, i shut her out, "dont worry where i'm going, just leave me alone" crap like that, when all she is is concerned for me.. so i sit there head between my knees as I watch her leave.

First big mistake, I skip work and go watch a few movies then get drunk, this whole time my phone being in the garbage so everyone is worried where i am, i finally get home, see a text from her and call her.. she says she was worried blah blah everyone was calling her..

The next day I say sorry to everyone for being an idiot. talk to her more about getting back together, acting more pathetic.

The next day, she is still hiding at a friends refusing to talk to me, and when she did, i yelled and told her she isnt being fair.

The next day, alittle more of the same.

The next day, more the same.. cept i get her friends involved and try to make her friends my friends..

The next day, now i'm being just freaky, following her around, finding her car and putting my ear to the door, doing i use to find just wierd and scary.

The past 5 days before we broke up I was working lots, I work late (she hates it,) I have been working as a delivery driver for almost a year now, I get very good money $150 atleast a night, but she has always begged me to change my job... go work somewhere where you get off at 10pm or earier.. something.. did i do it. nooo i'm an idiot.

I'm 21, i just had my birthday january 9th and have been under alot of stress lately, i don't have a good job (other then money wise,) I hate the job, i'm miserable without her, I was miserable with her... But she was my first love, as stupid as I was durring the whole thing i learned alot.. I learned how valuable and amazing this person is, and I believe she is exactly what I want in a women.

She still wants to be friends, but she wants some time (she wanted time from the start but i couldnt go 8 hours without fealing like i'm going to have a heart attack and phoning her and telling her about it.

So what do i do? give her time obviously.. but more specificly how do I handle it, how do I give her time, what do I say to myself.. I quit smoking and this is way beyond that. Do i give her 5 days then phone her or just let her phone me, wait forever?

I have tried to stop loving her, I have been with 4 women, I loved one, I knew what I was doing, I saved myself for the perfect person, I thought this was her, I still believe it is her, but she is 18 and people say this is one of her games, she is playing me and everyone around her to get what she wants.. how do i get her to want me again??

Thanks.. sorry, I cant even type without sounding pathetic.
FYI, I'm willing to kill for this women. i'll do anything. quit my job, anything.

valinors_sorrow

This is not going to be what you want to hear but you leave her alone until she calls you. In fact, consider it over if that makes it any easier.

And here is the really hard part. The thing you need to learn is NOT how amazing she is, but rather how amazing you are and that you still have a lot to learn about people and relationships.

One thing that popped out at me -- how is it you are making friends with her friends at this nth hour?? And it sounds like you don't listen well (she's been telling you for a while about stuff) and you sometimes don't regard others feelings either (your panic is not everyone else's panic). These are all things that, if you are to have a really solid relationship, you will need to learn.

Soooooooooo here's what you do with every hurting moment of her not being there: work on you. Do all those things she would want anyway, whether you hear from her or not. Heal and learn so that if she returns, you are indeed different or next time you are involved with a girl, you are different.... since the same man will produce the same results most likely. Capice?

Don't make this pain not count for something really worthwhile. I am sorry for your loss.

Nosnosna

No sugarcoating going on here.

It started with her telling me we are "dragging this on," and me being the idiot I am i listened and agreed, 5 days later it's, "I really think we need to talk about this being dragged on.." while i'm in the shower, so i jump out and get the news.. we are dragging this on, i want to be friends, Maby we will have something down the line.[/quote]

You're not an idiot for listening to and agreeing with her on that. If she feels that the relationship is past it's sell-by date, then there's nothing you can do to change her mind. Even if you convinced her to stay at that point, all you're doing is making her miserable while pretending everything is ok for yourself.

I'm not sure why it took five days to go from bringing it up to actually talking about it. That's a bad sign, to me.

It's natural to be upset like that during a breakup. In this case, it's her mistake for trying to be the one to help you through it... that's just bad form.

I'd be worried, too. You obviously took the breakup pretty hard, and then you go out and get hammered and skip work. That's the path to alcoholism right there... believe me, I know.

Good.

Bad. Too soon for that kind of thing.

Now you're starting to get a bit creepy about it. Hounding somebody who isn't interested in a relationship is bordering on stalking.

This is no longer bordering on stalking.

... You're gonna be lucky to walk out of this without a restraining order if you keep this up.

Then get a new one. Or put that money towards getting an education to get an even better job.

That will pass.

That does not inspire confidence in where this relationship might go in the future.

Actually, you made that part up. In every ugly breakup, you idealize the person (to make it seem like they're worth all the trouble it's putting you through), and dismiss all of the stuff that bothered you during the relationship (it wasn't that bad, I'm just misremembering it because she hurt me recently). The truth is she's exactly the same person she has been, and she'll be the same if you get back together.

She wants time, you NEED time. Nothing about anything is going to get better until you get past this obsession. If you keep calling her, talking to her, and telling her about it, it's going to get worse. And she's gonna resent it, because it's gonna look like you're trying to guilt her back into a relationship (See what you did to me? I have anxiety attacks now because of the breakup).

Five days is nothing. You need to be thinking in months here. Don't call her until you don't need to... any time you feed that need, you're just making it stronger.

You don't. She either will or won't, and that's completely up to her. Worry about you. Take up a hobby. Figure out what about you caused friction in the relationship, and decide whether it's something you need to change or not (it probably is, but some people get bothered by the strangest things... I had a friend who had relationship issues because he was more of a book person than a movie person, and that wasn't something to be changed). But even that stuff, don't worry about it today. Today, just break your routine and find something new to do that doesn't have anything in it that is linked to her. Once you get yourself clear of the immediate hurt, you can start to figure yourself out.

And that, in the end, is why you need to find something else.

Shawk

Thanks, everyone is telling me to work on myself rightnow, just can't seem to do it, all I care about is her..

I'm going to try to do something different today, go get the new job, and not go by the place she is staying.

It's really hard with my job, i drive, her car was red, every red car reminds me of her, her friends house is a main street, seeing her car.. blah blah... maby I just need one big change like a new job.

I just wish I could convince her differently, guess I need to start accepting that I can't and we will never be together again.

talaniman

Jesushelper76

Your obsessed, you sound like a stalker. You need to go for counseling. Series counseling. The only way to work on yourself and to better yourself is to go through that process.

Going around following somebody and spying those actions are pathetic. Not saying your not a nice person but just a nice person that has fallen and is acting pathetic.

No sugar coating here, but it is over and the faster you realise this the better off everybody is. There is no way of getting somebody or trying to win somebody back.

1# Leave Her Alone
2# Counseling
3# Accept the things that you can not change. This is something you can not change.
4# In the future, learn from this experiance and know that acting like a desperate psycho is going to push every girl you have away.

Joe