My ex of about a month was the one who broke up with me. Lately she's been asking about me through "messengers", telling them that she still wants to be friends with me, etc...and I have a thread on this already.

I think the problem I have is fully letting go of her because I feel that she is being stubborn and has too much pride or maybe even guilt to make any real contact with me. I know her to be this way, she's always been the type to not chase anyone or admit she did anything wrong. I'm just afraid of completely letting go when maybe she wants to contact me but is to stubborn and full of pride to do it. I have many thoughts of reaching out to her one last time but I always stop myself. There have been dozens of times that I've typed text messages, emails and dialed her number and never had the courage or strength to press the "send" button. I know I have to keep moving and I read on here that the dumper must initiate contact because they are the one that left and we're only respecting their wishes. My fear again is that she has anger and resentment but still loves me and we are both playing this standoff game with each other.

I would hate for me to be here and her to be there, both looking at our phones, checking to see if either of us has broken down to make contact. If it's a game that we're playing how do we know? How do I know if she still cares and loves me? I know you'll say, "If she cares and loves you she'll contact you" well, I care and I love her and here I am doing NC and not contacting her. What do I do? How do I know?

manimuth

VADawg,
I understand how hard this is for you. But, she was not too proud, stubborn, or had any misgivings about dumping you, right? Don't get caught up in the "what if" mentality where you spend your energy pointlessly wondering and guessing and assuming. You deserve someone who loves you more than their own pride. If this is a game, it is a cruel one she is playing: dumping you and then waiting you to break down and go begging back to her. Don't do it!

It is hard to feel like you are standing by doing nothing when you love someone but right now it is not up to you any more. She has made a decision and you must respect it. Be strong.

VADawg

I'm definitely trying. It's kind of hard though when I ask my family what they think, and they say that I should call her. Hah. My ex actually did talk to my parents (other thread) and she thought I hated her because I haven't called. This is the reason why I think she isn't calling, because she's afraid I'm really angry with her. But I don't know.

I don't really have the boyfriend/girlfriend feelings for her anymore. I would like to be a friend to her because I know that's what she really wants right now. I honestly wouldn't mind.

I guess I just feel like not calling her will ruin any chance at a friendship. Am I wrong for thinking this?

Jiser

her off. Dont ever speak to her again and love yourself and be strong for doing it.

manimuth

VADawg, I just read your post four days ago and you didn't sound like you were over her. Are you sure about what you are saying now?

Whether she loves you or needs you, she is not contacting you for a reason. It sounds like she has way too much going on in her life to be your girlfriend as well. It may be possible that she doesn't want you to be involved in the mess in her life, as well. There is so much going on that is beyond you and her but my advice to you is that you need time.

She may be worried that you are angry with her and you said that you did take it very hard. But, if she wants a friend in you, she will contact you. Right now, you need to heal. Then you can worry about her and being her friend. But, in my humble opinion, you are not ready to be her friend yet.

Hope you find the strength you need to heal.

VADawg

If only it were that easy.


You're probably right. I just keep getting conflicting opinions from everyone I know. Some tell me to call her, and some not. I mean, she is asking about me so that tells me she at least cares.

Some days I feel like I'm completely over her, then other days I fall back into a rut and think about her all day. If she were to ask for me back now I wouldn't accept it. I need someone there for me 100% and not 50%, and I'd make that clear to her. That doesn't mean I don't want to have anything to do with her though.

manimuth

Noone suggested it will be easy. I commend you for seeking advice and caring enough to want to do the right thing.

You have every right to want to have someone who can be there for you. I can hear, from what you're saying, that you really want to be friends with her. That is ok as well but only after you take time to make sure that you are ok. Right now you are confused and hurt. So, take some time to clear your head and get back on track with yourself before you start contacting her to show your friendship.

Matt3046

Just call her if thats what you want, (I think it is) what do you have to lose.

Ash123

how long did you all go out?

mckenzie134

Just call her and tell her whats going on get some balls if she doesnt want anything then youo will know and you can move on and stop assuming....
Easier to move on if you know give it a go...