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Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, well when I met him I was drinking alot and was in another abusive relationship that he helped me get out of. He even helped me to stop drinking.
The first month we were together I cheated on him, and slipped and was drinking.
He took me back but it seems every month he gets really angry at me, he breaks up with me and then takes me back.
I havent cheated on him again and I got into councelling. Today was going great when we were talking on the phone then when I went to his house he blew up at me, I feel about two feet tall now. He said some really hurtful things to me. I guess I just want to know if I deserve the way he is treating me because I cheated two years ago. I love him so much and I have said I'm sorry more times that I can count. I just feel like crying all the time because I have tryed everything and nothing works.
Of course you must understand that you've scarred your boyfriend through your behaviour. On the other hand, his retaliation after all this time and your countless apologies is quite troublesome.
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he's paranoid or has a complex of somesorts. He might still have the impression that you're cheating on him, not only because of you but maybe also because of past relationships with women who cheated on him.
I advise you to talk it out with him - make it clear to him that you want to know what's making him burst all the time so that in the future that kind of situation can be avoided.
Moreover, are you committed enough? Maybe you don't see him often, or vice-versa ; that could be making him suspicous.
However maybe he is bursting because of other reasons. Whatever it may be, talk it out with him in a gentle manner, dont make him get defensive ; give him a chance to say what he has to stay - listen to him and work together to fix the problem.
I know I have scared him and lost his trust, When we aren't fighting I spend alot of time over at his house. Things go really great for about a month and then he just brings everything up. I have been honest with him and told him how I feel and how I would never hurt him again. when we are getting along he says he knows I'm sorry and that he loves me and knows that I love him! I am so confused! Do you ever think he will really forgive me? My heart is breaking and I don't know how else to fix this I've tried everything but still I don't want to give up. Thanks for replying I appreciate your help!
Kelly
If you are getting along with your boyfriend most of the time, I think that he means it when he says that he loves you, that he knows you love him and wouldn't hurt him again.
However, these outbursts must come to a stop. You have two choices :
Either you let things go and hope that with time your boyfriend will stop bringing up those matters or you start being firm with him.
Being firm in the sense that the next time he creates another outburst, don't talk to him for a few days. You have to make it clear to him that you are not to be taken for granted.
If he wants to be in a relationship with you he has to treat you with respect. I'm sure he does that, but bringing up these subjects over and over again does count as some form of mistreatment.
I'm not saying you should break it off (unless you think you absolutely have to) but just let him think about what he's missing when you don't contact him for 1 or 2 days. That kick in the butt might be the way to make things work.
I hope I'm helping.. I just can't think of anything else that could be done.
I think your dependence on him is as bad as your drinking. Leave them both alone.
Sorry!!
It's ok, I just wanted to say I don't drink anymore, and yes I may depend on him from time to time.
I've tried to go my own way but after a few days he always calls or emails me. Maybe I just need to be stronger. It's hard enough to let go then when he calls apologizing it makes it that much harder!
Thanks for your reply though I appreciate it!
Kelly
Kelly,
Only you can stop your drinking problem. Not a boy, not a Mom, not your child, not God, not the cat sitting on the pavement across the street.
Did it ever occur to you, that your current boyfriend (of two years) hand-selected you out of a million girls - to claim as his very own, because he KNOWS that your self-esteem is low, and that you drink?
You met him at a very low point in your life. He saw that you were making BAD choices for yourself, and so, he "swooped" in to rescue you, just like Prince Charming.
Do you really believe that an incredibly wonderful, intelligent, strong, independent, rich, handsome, PERFECT man would think to date a girl (YOU) who was an out-of-control DRUNK, and stuck in-the-middle-of-an-abusive-relationship ? what fairy tale is this? GOOD MEN desire GOOD WOMEN. Not to say that you're not a good person. I'm sure you are lovely, and have a great heart.
I am sorry to tell you - but I think you've attracted a loser. Be very careful. The fighting and accusations, and the loss of respect is the telltale sign... this one is not a keeper. Please get some help - and stay away from the boys until you learn to stand on your own two feet.
He was nice to you on the phone. He waited, WAITED until you were there in person to berate you.
why are you with someone as dangerous as this? This is abusive times 1000.
Please remove yourself - WITHOUT TELLING HIM YOU'RE LEAVING, and get far away.
don't text
don't call
don't email
don't stalk
don't speak
get away. He's dragging you down with him.
Thanks I think I was just waiting for someone to say what he was doing was abusive. I know I screwed up by cheating but I also went to councelling for things I've done and I don't drink anymore and haven't for a long time.
He has never hit me but he just won't leave what I did alone and thinks like today I should sit there and take his hurt as he calls it. I'm going to take your advise and hope that I will be strong and walk away!
Thanks
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