Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, well when I met him I was drinking alot and was in another abusive relationship that he helped me get out of. He even helped me to stop drinking.
The first month we were together I cheated on him, and slipped and was drinking.
He took me back but it seems every month he gets really angry at me, he breaks up with me and then takes me back.
I havent cheated on him again and I got into councelling. Today was going great when we were talking on the phone then when I went to his house he blew up at me, I feel about two feet tall now. He said some really hurtful things to me. I guess I just want to know if I deserve the way he is treating me because I cheated two years ago. I love him so much and I have said I'm sorry more times that I can count. I just feel like crying all the time because I have tryed everything and nothing works.
please don't beat yourself up about cheating in the past. It happened a long time ago.
Have you been nice to him recently? if you answer "yes" and he's still yelling at you for silly things (not important things) then maybe this guy isn't a good fit for you.
don't be so hard on yourself. You are a woman. Being a woman is such a great thing - it's so special. We can do so many incredible things. Please don't ever doubt yourself.
You can be clean, (no drinking) and you can be smart and you can be beautiful. Just look in the mirror and repeat this to yourself: "i AM worth it." "I AM WORTH IT" over and over again - 50,000 times - until you BELIEVE it.
I have faith that you can do this. You can do the right thing. it's awful now, but you can get past this and move forward into a new, fresh life.
Each day you wake up, it can be the start of a new day.
I also wanted to say that I've always thought I deserved how he was being because I cheated on him but I thought it would get better!
Kelly, you made a mistake and you slept with another guy. You cheated. big deal. Your boyfriend may not strike you with his hand or fist, but he IS striking your heart and your mind (or thoughts) with his tongue.
You must forgive yourself for cheating, and now protect yourself. You deserve to have love and laughter and feel free and happy. You deserve everything in the world. Please believe me.
You deserve the greatest EVERYTHING that this world can give you. You have to make yourself acknowledge and BELIEVE this.
unfortunately - if/when a relationship doesn't start out "perfect", it rarely gets better. it's just one of those life things. you can't change him, but you can change your behaviour - by moving away from him.
I have to say that yes you did a bad thing two years ago, and yes you broke his trust... but it was two years ago, and you have repented it, you haven't done it again... and when he stayed with you he might have had issues with it, but if he is unable to let it go... and keeps bringing it up on a regular basis... thats a bad sign
when he is unable to let it go and continues to take this out on you- verbally, once every month or so... that is a big problem! And it is a form of abuse.
and verbal abuse can do as much damage as physical abuse!
some ppl rescues others out of bad relationships, b/c they are ppl who wish you the best and some do it b/c they hand pick you:
B/c you suit their needs... whether that is a need to have someone that depend on them that they can take care of or someone that they control.
and I do agree with tal, that you have a dependency upon this guy that is as unhealthy for you as your drinking. What you do need to do is to let go of him and start depending on you and start to learn how to take care of yourself and dealing with your problems on your own. And of course there are a lot of different groups out there and professionals who can help you so that you don't drink.
I have to say that yes you did a bad thing two years ago, and yes you broke his trust... but it was two years ago, and you have repented it, you haven't done it again... and when he stayed with you he might have had issues with it, but if he is unable to let it go... and keeps bringing it up on a regular basis... thats a bad sign
when he is unable to let it go and continues to take this out on you- verbally, once every month or so... that is a big problem! And it is a form of abuse.
and verbal abuse can do as much damage as physical abuse!
some ppl rescues others out of bad relationships, b/c they are ppl who wish you the best and some do it b/c they hand pick you:
B/c you suit their needs... whether that is a need to have someone that depend on them that they can take care of or someone that they control.
and I do agree with tal, that you have a dependency upon this guy that is as unhealthy for you as your drinking. What you do need to do is to let go of him and start depending on you and start to learn how to take care of yourself and dealing with your problems on your own. And of course there are a lot of different groups out there and professionals who can help you so that you don't drink.
Thanks for your reply, I know all to well about the effects of abuse and how damaging it can be! I just thought that since I did that to him I deserved it and he says it will be that way until I fix it... What else can I do I'm not god.... I'm leaning towards taking all of the advice I have been given here and try to think about me now! It's going to be so hard and alot of tears are going to fall because I do love him. I know now it's not going to work...so thanks for your reply.
Ok so I haven't had any kind of contact with my x, but I went on a forum that we both belong too for Tv stuff he posted a thread in there about cheaters. I'm being made out to be a monster when infact I have simply made a mistake. It isn't true once a cheater always a cheater because I would never do it again that's for sure. I find there aren't many forgiving people in the world after reading some posts here and there about cheaters. Everyone deserves a second chance I think.
When you get cheated on, then you can make a decision to go back, and give them a second chance. But for now its his choice. and he obviously hasn't gotten over it.
This is what you call paying the consequences for your actions.
Not everyone deserves a second chance, there are people that come on here and don't care about their actions. If you are truly sorry, then we will point you in the direction of repairing your relationship but ultimately, most people on here have been cheated on. You won't find sympathy from them, it's just not in our blood anymore. I don't see how there can be any logical excuse for cheating. Own up to the action and then it's in the other persons hands.
Romefalls19 is being honest about it. After being cheated on, you have 0 tolerance for it.
If I ever get cheated on again by a girlfriend I will drop her like a hot potatoe because I am no ones punch bag anymore.
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I don't see how there can be any logical excuse for cheating.
Exactly. There is absolutely no logical or good enough reason for cheating. "I was drunk" or "I didn't know what I was doing" - sorry but no, that just doesn't un-do what's been done.
Once you cross the line, and cheat on someone who loves you - forget it. If you're lucky that person will forgive you if they can find it in their heart to do so. It's all about trust, and when you cheat on someone, they lose that trust that they put in you.
I hope this has been a valuable lesson to you. I'm not in a position to judge whether your boyfriend is over reacting or not... That is for you to decide, and then take a decision to break it off or not.
I hope you figure out of it!!
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