Ok, I posted a little while ago about my problem, quick recap. I was dating a guy for 2 years, we broke up and remained friends. Anytime we talked he seemed alrite...I seemed ok to him too, but I was completely miserable...still am, and he told me he was really upset about it too.

After posting on here about it, I took wildcats advice and stopped replying to his txts etc...but he came onto msn when I was on and he started chatting to me. I acted totally fine, he asked how Im doing and I told him I was doing great, I had been out all week and had a good week and was looking forward to the weekend etc...
I asked him how he was and he said he'd had a bad week, but talking to me has cheered him up.

I really miss him, I'm still in love with him, and I want him back. He doesnt txt me anymore since I asked him not to, but will still talk to me when he see's me on msn...I'm going to continue acting totally ok and happy....but it doesnt seem to be making a difference.
Obviously I dont know whats going on with him, or how he feels. He said he's still hurt by the break up (which was a month ago) but I just REALLY want him back !!

Does anyone have any tips on what to do or how to act? I'm keeping my distance, we've only talked twice this week and thats because he's chatted to me on msn...but neither of us are really on msn a hell of a lot so I cant see that happening too often.

By the way, we broke up because we both thought we were a little young (we're 19 and 20) to be in a long term relationship, he said we took eachother for granted and that he didnt feel the closeness anymore, altho even after we broke up he still told me he loves me.

I'm just confused and lonely, and I miss the love of my life.
Please help.
x

milliec

Hi Jayjay,
I've just finished reading your former thread.
One of the things yo wrote popped up to my sight "he does'nt like to give tings back"...
- he might be a possessive type, wants what he can't have (the way wildcat pointed out) - THIS isn't love.
love is about trust, respect, cherish.
you have to keep yourself busy and see other people - not necessarily guys -don't fall into the rebound trap.
looking at the dates of your previous thread, you've been hardly apart. it seems to me what you miss has nothing to do with love, you keep mentioning you were together for 2 years: you got used to have each other around.
ask yourself what is this guy for you, what role would you like him to take in your life - husband? if you took each other for granted after 2 yeas. how long would it take after you're married? divorce is more painful than breaking up now, and finding the right guy is not easy.
the age isn't the only thing here, like you pointed out in this thread - look back at the whole picture, and don't look away from the things which made you unhappy during your 1st round.
good luck, and take care,
Millie

fredg

Hi, Jayjay,
You have two options:
One is to keep on doing what you are doing, but it's not going to make you feel any better. The only thing you really want is to have him back. But, he doesn't want that.
The other thing is to stop communicating with him completely, try to let it go, and move on. It's hard to move on, but sometimes things just don't work out.
I had 3 "loves of my life", many yrs ago, when I was 16 and on up to 22, when the last one found someone else.
Married at 24, divorced 7 yrs later, but now re-married for 29 years.
Been there, done that!
Sometimes, we just have to accept things the way they really are, and start talking with others, dating again. Talking always helps, and helps to move on with our lives.
I do wish you the best, and good luck. Things will eventually get better!

talaniman

Moving on would give both of you a chance to sort out your feelings and clear your head as sometimes we need a breath of fresh air to deal with our problems. You will feel differently in a month.

milliec

Hi Jayjay,
you should stay completely apart-you can't know your real feelings, if you keep in touch. this is first of all, to make things clear to both of you, see what you really mean to each other.
take care,
millie

Jeebers

time is the only thing that will make this better. As for how to act....try not acting. make a decision for yourself. Its the back and forth that makes it so much harder.

Wildcat21

I am wondering if you are in love with the idea of a realtionship, but not in love with him. It's EASY to confuse, especially when your young. You like the idea, comfort, closeness of being in a relationship.

Also, he seems to come to you when he needs attention.

I would do no contact at all for a month - then meet him for coffee and see. I'd date other people as well. Work on your self.

Jayjay027

I am in love with HIM. Being single does not scare me at all, I can be happy on my own, I was before and I'm not about to think that I NEED him to be happy.
It will take an enormous amount of time and pain to get over him.

I really want to take your advice and stay away from him, but Im not that strong. I am ok for a day or 2 and then Im miserable again, depressed and crying and I just want to tell him everything, about my day, about what happened at work, about a joke I heard - EVERYTHING. I miss HIM so much.

It's hard for us to stay apart because we know a lot of the same people and go to a lot of the same places. Although we have been good for a while, I havent txted him and he hasnt texted me or anything.

Just, Im finding it really difficult to enjoy myself now. I've been out with my friends, we've had a great time together, but Im just not having fun at all. I cant seem to go 5 minutes without thinking about him and being miserable that we're not together.

I know not seeing eachother is the best thing to do, but is there no other way? I am head over heels in love with this man, I miss him and everything about him and want nothing more than to have him back.

Please help, Im really unhappy.

milliec

I see what you mean Jayjay, and yet, all the advice you were given still holds true.
First of all, find ways to stay apart, don't go where you think he'll be.
Yo must get stronger, to make ANY relationship work!
Never loose your own self in a relationship, don't be anyone's shadow.
You must stay apart, gain strength, and sort your feelings, Even if you eventually are going to be together.
The worst time is the period of time next to your separation - as i can see it, it has hardly begun.
I agree with Wildcat that you might be in love with the idea of love and not with the person - to find out the true answer to this question you MUST detach yourself completely for a while. Look at it like it's a detoxification period - i stopped smoking 33 years ago - the 1st week was awful, I still remember it even today.
You've got to have fun without him, and that's true even when you're involved with a guy.
Keep strong, and get our help whenever you need it.
Take care,
Millie

milliec

Hi Wildcat - i wanted to express my appreciation, but couldn't - so i take this opportunity -i fully agree to your points here.
Millie