Does This Sounds Like My Ex Still Cares?

bcoberly · Mar 19, 2008, 11:07 AM

My Relationship recently ended after a terrible fight. We have broke it off two other times before, however the last I couldn't believe that we actually had gotten back together. Last time she sent me horrible text messages saying she hated me and basically that I ruined her life and that she found a man who is better than me already(which actually was a lie to hurt me). She the type of person that holds a bad grudge against those who hurt her and it takes time for her to not be angry. Pretty everything she sent that night was pure hatred for me.

Now this time after broke it off she just sent me two messages telling me she doesn't want to hear from me and that it's over. I called her two days to ask for some of my things back and she was pissed that I called and told me her dad would call me to get my stuff. Since then I haven't heard anything and it's been a month. However, her best friend has told me that everytime they talk she talks about me, even though it's mostly negative. She also told her best friend that she was going to put a restraning order on me and her best friend thought that was uncool and now they are no longer friends. But my ex is the one who brought me up. I also noticed on her myspace headline that she says that she is sick and tired of everything. I'm wondering now if she misses me in someway. The day before we broke up we told each other we were still in love with each other. So i'm wondering can a girl just change her feelings that quick just because she is angry at you?

bcoberly · Mar 20, 2008, 05:53 AM

Well the thing is i'm not going to contact her all. I can't help but miss her. When I came over to her apt everyday, I felt so comfortable and content. I just wish I had that feeling again. Instead I just wake up and think about right away and how she used to sleep next to me and was always there when I needed her. I used to call on work break all the times and now I can't do that. I just feel so alone now and can't help but start to tear up thinking about her. The funny thing is for the first year we never fought at all, and friends and family would always make jokes like when is your first fight going to be. Now that joke isn't so funny lol. I feel like it is mostly my fault for misleading her about pictures comments on myspace, but when we got back together the second time she aware of our past and if she wanted to make it work she would have to forgive and move forward. I made all the little changes and she didn't. I think if somehow I could avoided a lot of the mistakes I made the relationship it actually probably would have been the best! She always had anger issues even in the beginning but she didn't start to take it out on me until the last couple months before the break ups. I have a lot of doubt on whether I be able to find someone like her again. she was so unique and it's hard to find a girl into the same weird music i'm into and the same lazy, kick back, yet up for anything attitude.She had a great family who I spent a lot of time with because mostly I only have my mom and dad here and never really had a big family. She also cooked all the time and was pretty much the sweetest person ever if you were on her good side. She really did have sort of two personalities in a way. The only thing I can really hope is that she realizes that I'm really not a bad guy, just that I made bad desicions and said stupid things just to amuse myself sometimes at her expense. She was the greatest friend at times to me and was there during my darkest hour. :-( sorry if I sound too emotional and stupid in this post, but i just had to tell people what's on my mind...

chuff · Mar 20, 2008, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcoberly

well the ironic thing is...that she told me I need therapy.

Let's assume that is true. So what. It's nothing to be ashamed of to see a shrink and grow from the experience to strengthen your life

I was not knocking her for saying she needs a shrink, I was merely pointing out she has a lot of issues, and you can't help her. So help yourself and leave the situation until she gets her act together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bcoberly

I've always told her she needed. I kind of wish I could have paid for couple therapy, but now it's too late...

My experience is you can't pay for somebody else to get help. They need to recognize there is a problem and fix it, you can offer help all day long to those that need it, but they don't "get it" they just assume you'll always be there to bail them out. True help comes from with in, you can guide people, and you can offer assistance but change is up to them.

bcoberly · Mar 20, 2008, 06:17 AM

Well I wouldn't force it on her, but I'm pretty sure she would have been up for it if I offered to pay for it at the time. She put up with a lot in the relationship as did I, so it would have seemed like a decent solution.

Romefalls19 · Mar 20, 2008, 06:34 AM

I agree with Tal and Chuff....This relationship seems way to dysfunctional for either one's own good. You need to stop talking to her friends, or if they are mutual friends...Then simply tell them to stop telling you about her life. You are no longer apart of it, so there is no reason why you should want to know about it.

Second, stop wasting time thinking about how you could of done this or that to change the outcome. News for ya, there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. We all have things planned out before we even know it. So let's keep focusing on today and today you are not with her, so build with that.

Third, STOP WITH THE MYSPACE...Block her from being able to see yours and you seeing hers. TRUST ME on that, you will check it religiously for ANY sign that she misses you. I have been there with this, it doesn't help. Anyone on this forum will tell you after a break up...Myspace is the freakin devil, along with Facebook. Steer clear of that hazmat area. Please don't take this the wrong way, I just have been through it all with the stupid networking sites. Delete her, her friends and anyone who has her as a friend on your page.

mafiaangel180 · Mar 20, 2008, 06:47 AM

Would you really want someone who would dump you just because they were angry? Is that a way one deals with a problem in a relationship? It doesn't matter if she said she loved you or not. Her actions flat out suck. All of this is very unhealthy. Just push her out of your mind, go work on yourself, and one day you can be the best person you can be to someone who equals you.

Mom of 2 · Mar 20, 2008, 06:53 AM

Yes, WAY TOO DYSFUNCTIONAL!!!! First you tell us that she is threatening you with a restraining order and sending you nasty text messages and then you write a post that puts her on a pedestal? Yes, it is good to think about the good times, but don't forget the reasons for the breakup. There is a reason that she is an ex, right? Remember that and move on. Stay away from her because she is one unhealthy individual. Forget about your "things" that she still has. These can be replaced. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable. The only relationships that you should seek would be ones that would add to your life and not take away from your life. Hopefully you WON'T find another girl like her. There are a lot of good ones out there who do all of the good things that you described but who do not have even half the drama that you told us about. Stay away from her, her friends and all of the other things that other people have advised you to stay away from.

bcoberly · Mar 20, 2008, 08:13 AM

Well I'm not in her life right now. Secondly, I don't talk to her friends anymore. I did talk to our mutual friend who got us talking again the last break up, but this time the friend thinks my ex is psycho and now they are no longer friends. On the things I had to get back, they were papers I need for school, very important. She forgot them because they in a file which could be easily missed. I did end up getting those back after her dad called me and told me to come over to get them.

You maybe she wasn't the best thing in my life and no maybe it was dysfunctional, but I was with her almost every single day for three years. For me to just forget about her and to move on would be to say for me to erase the last three years of my life. I can't do that I'm sorry. She was actively involved in everything I did during those times. She went to every single show I play with my band live, was there for work events, hung out with my friends who she got along with with and with family as well. It has created a giant black hole in my life. I tried to remember how I was when I was single and to be honest I hated it. I hope there is someway I can be independant in the future.

bcoberly · Mar 20, 2008, 08:28 AM

Oh yea on the Myspace situation...she erased me from her friends list. I just sometimes read her headline, because I know her url for the page. Ironically she started talking to me on Myspace three years ago and that's how we decided to meet..its comes full circle.. ooooooooo



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