hi...i've been going out with my girlfriend for about 9 months...and a couple days ago i got in a little fight with her cuz i thought she was telling this guy (whose my friend) some new songs...and i kind of felt left out and i asked her how come she didnt give me the music first...and she said she did...and i think she did too..but i dont kno...i was kind of mad because i dont like her sharing her interests with other guys...but she told me he asked her first so i was like ok...and then she started saying how im controlling and stuff...and how i want her to stop talking to all the guys...but i didnt say that...then i asked her if she would get mad if i started talking to another gurl about basketball and stuff...and shes like she doesnt care...she doesnt care if i talk to any gurl...she said it in an angry way too...like she didnt even care what i did...which probably means she doesnt love me...she then said that she doesnt care cuz in the end of the day she knows i love her...n she trusts me...i dont kno..im having 2nd thoughts about it and i dont know what to do and how to find out for sure...do you think she still loves me?

s2tp

Kevin,

I was in a similar situation with my ex. He got angry with me just hanging out with another guy in the room...it was bad! lol....well I pretty much had the same response as your current GF.

The thing is that most girls dont like to be controlled like that. We dont like being told not to talk or have guy friends...I personally got very irritated with my then-boyfriend cause he was acting like I would do something with another guy just cause I was in the same room as them.

When you tell her you dont like her sharing her interests to other guys your making yourself seem clingy, dependant, insecure...etc. Her angry words in response is her being irritated with not being trusted, and now being allowed to have some freedom.

Just because she shared something with somebody else does not automatically mean she doesnt care about you. When she said she doesnt care about you talking to other girls and she trusts you, she means it. I said the very same things to my guy... I knew he loved me and cared about me too much to ever do anything, therefore I was secure. However his insecurities pushed me away...which I hope you dont end up doing with your girlfriend.

My thought is that yes she still cares about you and loves you. You need to look at yourself though and think about your relationship. Are you secure with her? You say your having second thoughts, so I dont think you are.

In my opinion to love somebody....truly love them, you must trust them completely, you should feel secure and strong when you are with that person and when you are away. A relationship should not make you feel insecure, doubtfully or untrusting of the other person.

Do you communicate well with each other? Does she get irritated with other things in the relationship? I would say watch out for her wanting more space...she seems a little irritated with you not giving her freedom to share her interests with other people, and is she feels like you are controlling, she will start to push you away...

I hope this give you a little insight, Best of wishes for you and your relationship.

shaun4

I think you guys are not communicating, me and my boyfriend often had this problem. We recently started reading "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; understanding the opposite sex" ( I know, I was against it at first too). The book is amazing, it really helps you understand the opposite sex, and where we go wrong when trying to express our feelings to one another. I truly believe this will give you much insight into your mates feeling, how to gain confidence in your relationship, and ways to avoid problems like this in the future!! It's worth the $13.95 it cost (paperback)

Good Luck =)

s_cianci

I think you're dealing with some serious insecurities here. It's not realistic to expect her to never talk with another guy. I don't think it's a sign that she doesn't love you but if you don't lighten up then you run the risk of losing her for good.

kevin2006

thanx for the help people!

ordinaryguy

She sounds more mature and secure in her own identity than you do. You have a great opportunity to learn something valuable from her. I hope you can learn it fast enough to save the relationship, but you've got no time to waste.

chuff

You both sound immature and unsure of the other. If your getting upset over her sharing music...I mean get real. I'm sorry that's absolutely stupid. To your own friend none the less. So not only do you not trust her, you don't trust your friend. Why are you hanging out with either of them? Do you really think she's going through life and not going to speak to guys? What if your not there and a guy hits on her? Hell, what if you are there and guy hits on her? You gonna freak out? I've been in that situation and I could've cared less. She was leaving the bar with me that night. And if she didn't then I would've learned I shouldn't be with her.

Jesushelper76

I think that your the one that has the insecurities and problems. You did not have to come out and actually say it, but you may as well of. Saying you do not like her sharing interests with other guys.

Your having second thoughts, I am sure she is too. It is up to you if you want to continue but believe me. You continue, you will always be a lonely person.

Joe

kevin2006

thanks for the additional advice...i appreciate your honest advice...i know some of my thinking is stupid..but thats how i am cuz of my past...i cant help it sometimes...i think the worst of everything...i just came out of a depression caused by another girl...i cant go down the same path again

talaniman

If you didn't learn from the first experience then you'll repeat the same mistake again with the same results and find yourself alone again. And depressed. Hmm you must not have worked on yourself very well if you find yourself in the same boat again.