This confuses me, so maybe i should stop thinking about it....Maybe someone can understand it...

How can someone tell you things such as "I still have very strong feelings for you", "I am miserable constantly becuase your gone now", "I know im making a mistake by leaving you" and "I still think about our future constantly, even though I know I have eliminated that" - but still break up with you and say she needs to be sure her feelings for other people are completely gone.

I know it sounds like she is trying to play a game, but i have made it VERY apparant that I am not waiting around, and if she is to come back becuase she regrets it, there is a large possibility it will be too late. That said, it is hard to not think about her coming back when there seems to be so much supporting it, though I keep it out of my head, and try to live like theres no hope.

If she knows its a mistake, why would she do it...

Does this make sense to anyone? My brain is going to explode

Jiser

Block the person from your life, delete them, drop of the face of the earth. It can be done! Healthier for you and them Ive pretty much done it so why cant you. I feel so much better for doing it to.

Zeus2007

yeah, 2 things possible ... 1 she is lying to save one of you two pain or trouble. 2. She is completely cofused herself, Take the best advice out there and give space and time if she comes to you then all is good otherwise youre too nice. Then come the words we all dread. Lets be freinds or something of the like and youre the fallback guy or girl. Be tough that will give you your answer.

louie1

oddly enough i understand !
for 15 years i had someone in my life he was an ex boyfriend and we stayed in contact by email, all the while we were married we always thought we were made for each other and one day would be together.last year both of our marriages broke down and we both became single, we saw each other for a short while and it felt like we had never been apart he was great and we would quite easily fit into each others lives. Then he was going to move in and i freaked it did not seem right and i called it all off, he is still angry weeks on and even though i still sometimes see a future with him i am not ready to commit as i broke up my marriage due to feelings i had for someone else whom i am still very much in love with but we are not together.So yes i can see where she is coming from and believe me if she has thoughts for another then it would not be fair on either of you if she committed now.

grammadidi

I beg to differ with you.

You haven't made it VERY apparent that you are not waiting around. You continue to read her messages, take her calls, whatever. That says, I'm hanging in here, wanting you to come back, waiting for you.

She is trying to get you to do exactly that and that's not fair! She is saying, "IF I figure this out and want you back, I want you to still be there waiting for me."

Not only that... she will never figure out what she REALLY wants because you are still there!!! If she decides that she is 'over' the other guy, maybe she will come back to you. But unless she understands what it truly feels like without you, trust me, she WILL do this to you again. She needs to know that you CAN do it without her and she CAN do it without you. I really think she is very insecure and uses control as a way to cover it up.

In my honest opinion, she does NOT love you. Look... you love her, right??? Would you do this to HER??? No! She needs to learn that when she says it's over, it REALLY is over. Why would you even want her if she had feelings for another guy while you were together anyhow??? If she truly cared for you she wouldn't keep putting you through this! She would take the space she says she needs, take a decent amount of time to genuinely figure it out, and then let you know how she feels after all is said and done.

My (deceased) husband and I dated a year then lived together nearly 2 years when he had second thoughts. Hey, I understood. He was feeling like marriage but I had two teenagers and was a pretty independent gal. So, like most people, I tried to get him to work it out while I was there in his life. Of course it didn't work. So, I made a decision. I finally found my own place, moved out, and even dated other people. Eleven months later he asked me to marry him. If he had of decided that he wanted to move on I would have been fine because I was adequately involved in a well-rounded lifestyle - my job, school, kids, friends, dating, family, hobbies, etc. If I had found someone else that I loved, oh, well! Then that would have been what was meant to happen.

If he had of found someone else there would definitely have been some sadness, for I loved him - but... because I loved him I knew that I had to give him the space he needed in order to move on. He loved me, I KNEW he did. That was further reinforced because he did not play me after we split up. My family continued to invite him to family functions because they were the only family he had, but I usually came with a date and he never tried to interfere. Eventually he figured it out.

Did it hurt? Oh, yes! Did I miss him? Incredibly! Did I run up there when he asked me to come and clip the cat's nails??? Nope! He needed to experience my absence.

Look, I guess what I am saying is that IF she cares at all she will leave you alone while she figures all this out for herself. Maybe you need to tell her that? She told you she wanted to end it because she didn't think it was fair to you... well, neither is what she is doing now. Come on, Sypher!!! Stick to your guns about this or you will never be happy!

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you really need to start concentrating on what's best for YOU!

Hugs, Didi

sypher373

Didi,
That doesn't sound harsh at all, and to be fair, i forgot to mention something.

She had still be contacting me and I was ignoring it. I was getting a bit annoyed with the constant contact, so I decided to have a talk with her again, and this time leave nothing to be questioned. I told her that i cant be friends with her, I cant act as a safety net and I cant let her use me to make herself feel better. There is no way I can be better if she uses me to make herself feel better.

I wish I had told you that, because I believe after that conversation I made it very clear, before that...your right, it wasnt very clear at all. I told her that I really dont need to hear from her, unless she wants to get back together. I also said, If I ever get to the point where I think we can be friends, I will contact her. I made it clear that I am (finally) standing up for myself, and not letting myself be walked on. I hope this clears some of that up.

I have every intention of moving on, and to be honest, i feel good about this. I feel good that the constant reminders of her and what shes doing at gone. I am accepting what has happened, and that there is nothing I can do about it. I needed to tell her that im not waiting around for her, but i will be here and she knows how to contact me if/when she decides she needs to.

As far as that goes, I am certain that the problem is that she is completely and utterly confused. She has NO IDEA what she wants, and she needs the space to figure that out. I told her that the best advice I can give to her is to finish school (5 weeks), and then stop talking/seeing this other kid, as she has done with me. I told her she needs time to herself and by herself to figure out what she truly wants. What she does now, is not my problem, i gave her my advice, and im stepping away from it.

Jiser, its funny that you use that term, becuase I had used the phrase "I have to drop off the face of the Earth" to her. At this point, im not contacting her unless I want to be friends, or she contacts me first with a real reason to do so...

I guess what my original issue was this....its very hard for me to live like there is no hope of a reconciliation (which is what im doing now) when it seems so likely to happen. I am living with no hope, and I am thinking of nothing but my future and how I can be a better person, its just hard to have this conflict in my mind..

Thanks for all the advice guys,

And sorry for the scare Didi , I am quite sure that after our final conversation, she got the hint and there will be no more mistakes about it.

grammadidi

Heh-heh! You just KNEW I would have something to say, right????

sypher373

I love to read your responses. It helps a lot becuase I feel like I have people here that i have never known, probably never will know, but they still look out for me and want the best for me.

Im feeling better about all of this, and I know that time is making it better. The sad times are much fewer and further between, and im sure that will just get better...I owe you for a lot that...

Thanks a bunch

chobitsfan13

Haha sorry but I couldnt help but to laugh cuz thats so confusing. Well she probably had another boyfriend and she probably really does care about you but cant be with you cuz she also has feelings with another person. That could be it or she's just playing a game. I really think its one of those two. Well anyway, good luck.

sypher373

Im pretty sure ive got it figured out...

She doesn't have another boyfriend...though she does have feelings for someone else..
At this point, shes so confused she has NO IDEA what she wants. My being around her, or in her life at all, isnt helping her or me. By sticking around, im not letting her figure out what she wants, and im keeping myself hurting longer than I have to.

Its time for me to start healing, while she figures out what she wants. Shes in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone, me or him, and she knows it. Shes doing this for herself, so im going to start healing for myself. When she figures it out, if its me she wants, I do belive in second chances, though it would be a long, slow process or her rebuilding my trust -- certainly wouldnt be back to normal in a week or two