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My boyfriend excuse me Ex has known eachother for about 3years and went out for 1yr and 3months. i was the one that broke up with him because i felt like he was distancing me and he never told me what i was doing wrong so i simply assumed he didnt care anymore so i broke up with him. a few months later it took me some time to realize what i was doing wrong as well as how to be more developed as a person and in a relationship. he was my first for EVERYTHING and even before i knew him his friends called me the one and he wanted to go out with. soon as we started speaking he cut off any other girl he was speaking to. the relationship was going well until he started college and i guess i didnt understand because i still wanted all his attention but i learned he needs his space. i was his first love and he was mine and i met his family and everything but now my problem is he's in college and whenever he's with me everything is perfect almost like we forgot we even broke up but he doesn't communicate with me and when i try and tell him how i feel its like he doesnt tell me what he thinks of it and then move on leaving me stuck and i knoe he thinks about me but idk we've been through alot and he says he doesnt want anyone else relationship wise or having sex and i just want to know if im doing to much to be with him or does he care and if he doesn't then like idk how to deal with it because i love him with my life and they say once you really love someone you dont let them go b/c you may just regret it and i dnt wanna let him go. i tried calling but he doesn't answer all the time plus he doesnt have time since he is away and on aim i try but i dnt kno what else to try to get him i mean all his friends say he still cares and he's just scared and he doesn;t want to loose me but come on ur 19 shouldnt u be able to tell me if you want to be with me or not instead of having me go crazy?
I wrote about this just a few hours ago. I mentioned how some people don't communicate well enough to straighten out conflict - point in case your boyfriend treated you coldly or distanced himself, and you had to break up with him because of this.
I wish people knew how to express their wants and desires and tell the other person what they're feeling instead of just punishign others by distancing themselves.
Unfortunatley, from what you mentioned - considering the fact that he seemed cold and you had to break up, it looks to me as if he would have eventually broken up with you anyway. But since you love him, you took the blame and reinvented yourself somehow, yet you were still left wondering why he behaved distant in the first place. This is exactly what I'm talking about - now you're having problems all over again because he failed to communicate what exactly was bothering him about the relationship to begin with. Maybe being in college and being in a relationship was too hard for him. We'll never know unless he opens his mouth and starts talking.
It doesn't look like you're going to get anywhere unless he starts talking to you from the heart. Could very well be he lost interest but doesn't want to break your heart, or doens't know how to tell you. The fact he dosn't answer when you call is telling. No man who's interested would do that.
As long as your chasing him he is interested. But he doesn't chase you, or meet you halfway, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise.
You need to stop chasing, and leave him alone.
I say that because from what you wrote, even after a break up he still acts the same, and you haven't made any changes to the situation, so whats the point???
My ex and i have been together a year, but has gone through so much. My issue is when we speak, its like we go out again, and when we see each other we hold hands, kiss, and do everything else that a couple should do. He doesn't talk to any one else, and neither do i. he says HE WANTS NO ONE ELSE, but me, and I can tell he still loves me because he doesn't keep in touch with any of his ex's besides me.
All his friends says he still loves me, and just because he is in college doesn't mean he will move on. We can trust each other, but my only issue is we are not going out at the moment, and he gets jealous when another guy is mentioned, even if he doesn't want to show it, and I am the same.
I think about him constantly, and I'm not sure if he does the same, but I think he does. What I need help is, knowing why is he scared to go back out with me, because he'll think I'll just break up with him again, or is he trying to see if i have changed, or not because often when we bring [us] up he says, well i should prove to him why he should take me back? But since he's away, I don't know how to prove to him that the break up changed a lot about me. But he needs to work on some things as well, since it is a two way relationship, and we have our ups, and downs, but at the end we still wanna be with each other, and I'm like well if we act like it, then why is it so hard for him to say yes baby, i still love you, and wanna be with you.
I mean he's a guy and all, but you cant expect me to be psychic, and know how you feel. When i told him he stopped caring. He said, how do I know, and I said well actions speak louder than words, and he's like that doesn't mean anything, and I'm thinking well so he does care, and love me apparently, but if you don't tell me, or show it, now that he's away, how was i suppose to know that he never stopped caring about me?
I was his first love, and he was mine, so its hard to forget the 1st, he even said that. But I'm trying to show him i can be who he wants, but on the other hand its kind of hard, since we don't see each other. I don't know, maybe time will tell all.
I think you did the right thing breaking up with him in the first place. Sometimes our GUT tells us something and we act on it because it is for OUR own good.
Seems to me that once you separated and felt the pain you started to doubt your decision. Probably because breaking up is painful and most of us want to avoid pain.
What you have done is look for ways to fix things to end your pain.. ie. go back with the problem/boyfriend again!!
See this as a lesson for trusting your gut instincts. You did the right thing, can you see how you would have saved yourself all this pain had you stuck to your original decision? You will trust yourself in the future, because you will know from experience that what your gut tells you is usually for your own good. I hope you find the strength to end this painful relationship now.
How can i get him to realize that what he has in front of him loves him dearly and do not want to let him go but at the same time i can not live with the fact that he does not tell me how he feels about me so i am not quite sure should i hold on to him or let everything fall into place until he is ready to see that he REALLY doesn't want to lose me?
Also i was wondering if you are able to give me advice on making him see that i will not always be there for him even when in my head and heart i don't want to let him go? How do i show him that i do not care and over him when he isn't around even though he IS my heart and i do not want anyone else?
How can i get him to realize that what he has in front of him loves him dearly and do not want to let him go but at the same time i can not live with the fact that he does not tell me how he feels about me so i am not quite sure should i hold on to him or let everything fall into place until he is ready to see that he REALLY doesn't want to lose me?
Also i was wondering if you are able to give me advice on making him see that i will not always be there for him even when in my head and heart i don't want to let him go? How do i show him that i do not care and over him when he isn't around even though he IS my heart and i do not want anyone else?
Firstly, you can't 'get' someone to do anything, or 'make' them see anything.
You need to let him go and move on. You are holding on to something that exists only in your own mind and you're the one that doesn't 'get' it and doesn't 'see'. It's over - let it go.
He might have been your first love but he won't be your last. Get out there and meet some new people - enjoy yourself. Life is too short!
From what you wrote you went back to him and are now doing ALL the work while he reaps the benefits of your attention.
You should have stuck to your own original decision to leave and stayed gone from his life.
Do so now and end this dead end fantasy of him giving you what you want. Frankly, your wasting your time, because he just isn't listening.
When someone tells you to prove your feelings, run the other way because they mean you no good, and I don't care what he says, actions do speak louder than words. You knew that didn't you???
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