My ex broke up with me about four weeks ago, we had dated for 18 months. He is in his mid 30's and I am in my mid 20's. I didn't think we'd speak again. There seemed to be no reason for the breakup other than that he was under alot of stress at the time and couldnt handle. I am absolutely certain he wasn't cheating as we were living together and he was home everynight and was a loving and attentive partner up until about two weeks before the breakup when work suddenly exploded- The only reason worth noting was that he did say that the past couple of weeks he had not felt fulfilled or satisfied in the relationship sexually. It didnt make sense, the sex was really good, but during that fortnight I'd given him space due to his stress, and so our sex life had slowed giving him the impression I was disinterested..
Anyway we exchanged stuff and then he deleted me from his phone, his facebook, his email everything. And then I heard nothing.

A few days ago I ran into him at the supermarket and he was really friendly and chatty and seemed geniunely surprised and pleased to see me and said we'll catch up later yeah?
That night we chatted on MSN (he had strangely unblocked me) for an hour and there was some mild flirting. He said he had hoped I would call after seeing him and felt a bit down that i hadn't contacted him, and then mentioned that he had been wondering alot recently how I was doing. He kept asking what i had been up to, how work was and saying how good it felt to speak again and how pleasantly surprised he was to see me that day. Near the end of the conversation he admitted he met a girl a few days after we broke up, he didnt give me any details, but this soon, people are telling me its a rebound? I did the dignified thing and said I was sad but if he was happy I was pleased for him- in fact I was heartbroken...again
When he went offline he said, its felt really good to catch up, lets do it again text me, I'm sorry I deleted your number and I'd love to have it again.

A couple of days later I text him, and we arranged to have lunch together at mine at the end of the week. I made sure I looked my understated best and then sorted a simple lunch to eat. He kept telling me the food was really good even though it was just soup. He was genuinely interested in what was going on in my life and kept saying I looked really good.

When it was time to go he stood in the kitchen door looking at me....he said can we have a hug?
I wasnt sure if it wass appropriate given his circumstances, to which he replied its not against the law, we should share a hug, I'd like to. He gave me this big lingering hug, squeezing and running his hands across my back which i broke off, he slid his hand down my arm and held my hand locking fingers and then looked into my eyes for a long time and smiled awkwardly. It didnt feel like a friend hug it went on too long. He looked sad to leave, and thanked me for lunch and said it was "really really really nice, thanks, thanks for lunch, enjoy your trip, thanks"
An couple of hours later he sent me a message to say "Thanks again for the lunch, it was a real pleasant change :-)"

I dont want an affair as he has a girlfriend, but I do want him back and I would love to pick up were things left off.

Does he just want to be friends, is he just pulling my strings for an ego trip, or does he still have feelings for me and am I reading too much into this because I want him back? And if he does want to be friends how often is it ok to contyact him without stepping on his new girlfriends toes?

BMI

Interesting story.

I think he is flirting, for what reason is uncertain. Could be an ego trip, he has one girl and now he can go out with one he already had type of thing, guys get kicks out of that (well I do at least).

In the beginning of the story I thought he handled himself well, I think he deleted you for his own sake and not out of spite, plus he seemed very polite and considerate in the supermarket (no esy task when ex-girls are invovled). However, towards theend the good old typical male shines through, playing the Romeo whilst he already has a girl.

Here's the take, the fact that he broke up with you b/c he was under stress is B.S, who breaks up with someone b/c they have to much work to do???? Further thatwith him meeting a girl right after you indicates he had her picked out before you separated, thus using the work excuse to choose her over you. Also, telling you he met someone is weird, I never understand when I hear that, what purpose does it serve, you risk hurting someone to boot (after years and years I get it, but nothing less) seems like a bragging thing, or an attempt to make you jealous (see what i mean about a typical male

Lastly, I think you want him more b/c you know of this g/f, remember you did not expect to hear from him and you had no intention to call him, seems you made peace with that and all of a sudden these feelings resurface after a meeting. I think you need time away, 5 weeks is equivalent to seconds in relationship terms, your not yourself for at least 3 months after a break-up. Step back and view his behaviour and you'll see whats really going on.

Take space, your only going to get hurt more if you decide to keep going the way you are. Also, I think its valuable for all to see how more difficult things become whenyou do re-establish contact withsomeone you cared about before fully coming to terms with it, your situation is a prime example.

Your cool, your hot, you can do better.

BMI

BTW, when I say typical guy I do not mean myself of course

How typical.

Fr_Chuck

alot of ex's end up having an affair or one type or another with an ex for some unknown reason, for guys, often it is just opportunity.
Other times it is just a way of messing around with your emotions

talaniman

Quote:

Does he just want to be friends, is he just pulling my strings for an ego trip, or does he still have feelings for me and am I reading too much into this because I want him back?

Of course he wants to be friends, and has feelings for you. Not enough to get back together, but he obviously bears you no ill will. I think seeing each other, has stirred up some old feelings for each other, and thats it. The rest your reading on your own, because it must not have been a bad break up. Be aware though, he would probably have sex with you, and still not want a relationship. Guys, even good ones, are like that sometimes. Friends only.

JBeaucaire

Your history will make it very easy to hook up your private parts, even without getting back together. He'll enjoy it, so will you, then you'll feel like crap because it was just a hookup. And of course, you will have chosen the whole thing and have no one to blame but yourself, which is more depressing.

To stay safe, I wouldn't contact an ex.

If you must contact, to stay safe I would keep it in very public places, never ever alone in the kitchen exchanging hugs. (tut-tut)

If you must hug privately in the kitchen, well...we got nothing for you hon. You're a goner. Some people just do what they want regardless of the "heartbreak tax" that goes with it. If you got the emotional savings and can pay that tax, we can't stop you.

But we would try.

Remember, your feelings for him won't go away, but your memories of what went wrong WILL...first chance they get. You want to pick up where you left off? According to your own story, where you left off was pretty horrible. So, if you get that back, it would only make me sadder for you.

Your old feelings will make it more likely you two do the "Private Parts Dance" unless you stay miles from that dance floor and everywhere that music plays. Only you can stop it.

Stay away from the light....it's too blinding for you to see the truth. Come back to us...hehe.

confused25

I would stay away from him. I don't trust anybody who keeps their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend around with sweet words and actions while in a relationship with someone else (which by the way occurred during his "stressful" times). That should say a lot of negative things about his character.

talaniman

I agree with the post that says, don't have sex with him ever again, and will go so far as to say protect your heart also, as your weak for him, and he knows it by your actions. "What if" sounds romantic, but "better not" is more realistic. You will never move on, while your in contact with him. Don't waste your time, with even friendship, right now.