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    northend91's Avatar
    northend91 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 27, 2011, 07:51 AM
    Do you think she will come back soon?
    Hey All,

    Im just looking for some advice on what I should do in this situation...
    My girlfriend of two years recently went on a break (started by her) as she felt being with me she was starting to loose her independantness and felt like we were becoming an old couple also she needed some time and space to figure out what she wants , etc...
    It went on for a month (worst month of my life) very little contact, but when she contacted me it was stuff like "i don't want to hurt you you deserve so much better etc",

    I am so heartbroken over it cause I really don't deserve better I would die for this girl! We had the best relationship ever! Never ever had arguments of fights, always trying to keep it interesting and new and were completely head over heels for each other, without sounding like a doush I was a great boyfriend and I helped her so much in her life, I wasn't controlling, grippy or anything like that...
    Anyway, we met up the other day and I wrote her a big letter as I wanted to make sure every word got across, the letter explained that this was the worst and last thing I wanted to do but I believe that the break wasn't enough for her she really needed some no strings attached time e.g. Me letting her go so she really had her time... But before I gave her the letter she told me something right out of the blue.
    Firstly, I asked her was the reason she hasn't broken up with me was because she was afriad to loose me her answer was 100% yes. She then said that she tried to start something with a guy just to see what it felt like to herself and if she could handle it... She said she felt absolutely terrible after it and felt sick, she said why in the world would she think that something with someone else would be better than me. She also said (crying) that it sounded silly but she can see herself come running back to me! but she still needed time to firgure herself out
    ... I was obviously confused as to why all that can happen but still we arnt together properly?.

    Anyway I gave her the letter and she cried for about half an hour, we could have got back together then and there but we decided this was the best step for our relationship (letting each other go for a bit) as it will make us stronger in the future, she said she is still IN LOVE and always will love me, but spiltting up is what needs to happen... we said we would still catch up and call whenever we feel like it. No texting as we think it just starts annoying little mind games.

    Here's my question... It still feels like a break for me, I still feel like I'm in reltionship. I have trust in her that she will come back (do you think she will?) but until then I can't help but want to call her everyday just to see how she is and how her day has been, and I get the feeling that if I don't call her she will think I have moved on but at the same time I don't want to think she has moved on, its been almost a week since it happened how long do you think I wait until I call her? Is she thinking the same way as me? Is she just waiting to see what I do?

    Sorry for the amount of info but I was hoping to get the complete story across...
    Some advice would be greatly appreciated :)

    Thank You All so much...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Sep 27, 2011, 01:19 PM
    She already knows what you will do, you will be waiting and hoping she comes back soon. DON'T.

    Have your own healing time and have your own life without her, and do your thing like she will be doing.

    You agreed on NO CONTACT, stick to it. You never wait, you hope for the best, but plan on the worst. She dumped you, FOR SURE, despite all the emotions, and promises blah, blah.

    Disappear.
    kcomissiong's Avatar
    kcomissiong Posts: 1,166, Reputation: 276
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    #3

    Sep 28, 2011, 08:11 AM
    I don't think she's coming back. I think she didn't want to just outright break up with you, so she left the door open so you wouldn't take it so hard. She is gone. You should be too. Enjoy your life, make some friends, start an activity take a class, just don't wait around for her.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #4

    Sep 28, 2011, 07:38 PM
    You did everything wrong.

    Didn't realize you were broken up.
    Begged her with letters.
    Kept in contact.
    Kept hanging on to false hope

    Time to wake up.

    "I still feel like I'm in relationship"

    Sorry, you're not. Slap yourself.

    Once you understand that, you can take the next step.

    Start w/NC. Doing things right. For you, not her.

    She's history.
    northend91's Avatar
    northend91 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Sep 29, 2011, 12:34 AM
    I know I'm not in the relationship but she says she's coming back once she gets things sorted in her mind and says to me just give it time :) she sent me a text yesterday saying everything will be OK just give us some time and it will be back to normall... She's not a person who will give false hope at all and if she wanted to break up and go away she would straight up say it... I asked her we should go nc and she got really cut and said no she couldn't handle not talking to me...
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #6

    Sep 29, 2011, 12:55 AM
    Hear all you want. Listen to her, to me, to whoever.
    You asked.

    Wish I had a dollar for all the things she told you.


    The fact is, you are not with her. Broken up.

    Get it? Breakup?

    If you want to keep hanging on, that's up to you.

    Be a puss. Wait around. Waste time.
    Or not.

    What was your original question?

    "Do you think she will come back soon?"

    No.
    kcomissiong's Avatar
    kcomissiong Posts: 1,166, Reputation: 276
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    #7

    Sep 29, 2011, 04:46 AM
    People who are in love and want to be in their relationships don't break up and find other people. You asked what we thought and it doesn't look like she is committed to your relationship. If you are determined to wait, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. Best of luck.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #8

    Sep 29, 2011, 11:03 PM
    "Shes not a person who will give false hope"

    That's false hope in a nutshell, right there. Total denial.

    Get out of it. Show yourself how strong you can be.

    Go NC, stop talking to her.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Sep 30, 2011, 09:25 AM
    A person that has to sort things out about themselves is one that cannot say they will be back, or when. Bet you didn't ask when she will be sorted out either.

    You don't wait for her to get it about life. You get your own.
    northend91's Avatar
    northend91 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Oct 2, 2011, 06:30 AM
    Thanks all :)
    northend91's Avatar
    northend91 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Oct 3, 2011, 07:07 AM
    Hey All,

    Just adding some more recent things that have happened. Firstly, I never said we did go NC I said should we go NC. Anyway, she called me up and we met up the other day she said she is scared to loose me but needs her time and space. I said she has nothing to worry about (she really doesn't at the moment anyway) but she wants to keep contact and we have been talking every 3 or so days just like normal hey how's it going coversations, which I feel is harmless, however, it makes me really miss her and I can't wait for the next call. Is she just keeping me in contact to make it easier do you think? Or is there a possibility she is feeling the same way as me?

    Once again thanks for the help
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Oct 3, 2011, 09:25 AM
    she wants to keep contact and we have been talking every 3 or so days just like normal hey how's it going conversations, which I feel is harmless, however, it makes me really miss her and I can't wait for the next call.
    And if it doesn't come on time you will ponder, and worry. That's why YOU decide on NC, simply because it benefits you to be doing your thing, and not waiting for her to DECIDE to call you. That makes you an option, while she remains a priority. How is that fair that YOU are available to her, while she is not as available to YOU?

    Is she just keeping me in contact to make it easier do you think?
    Its more than for sure, its easier for her to be in contact, as she does her thing and weans herself off YOU. That's typical of those that need time and space for themselves, but want to keep an ex close until they have something better going on for themselves, or need the emotional tampon, or to be a safety net, just in case the plan to find themselves doesn't work out. Mostly though its to be able to get attention when finding themselves gets boring.

    or is there a possibility she is feeling the same way as me?
    How can she feel as you do when she has dumped you and is exploring all her options besides just YOU? That's illogical, and should show you that the assumption that her feelings are the same as yours, is but your hopeful feeling, and has no basis in FACTS, because if her feelings where the same as yours, you would be dealing with her feelings together.

    Most people go along with staying in contact with the ex that dumps them, because of fear of losing them forever, and with the hopes of being there so as not to be forgotten, and left behind. An emotional response, since common sense tells you that when someone's feelings have changed about you, then you distance yourself heal, and gain understanding and direction for yourself.

    Think, do you want a partner who stays because of obligation, or one that stays because they want to? No Contact friend, so she can decide what she wants without your influence, and you can heal, and gain clarity of thought back. Its your life too, you know, why should she have you and the option of having another.

    Talaniman Rule - When the commitment dies, you disappear
    kcomissiong's Avatar
    kcomissiong Posts: 1,166, Reputation: 276
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    #13

    Oct 3, 2011, 09:43 AM
    I'm going to stick with my previous suggestion. You have gotten a lot of great advice, and a lot of objective opinions (since we aren't involved in the situation). It looks like you are being strung along and used. If you are happy with that, then you don't need our advice. If you are determined to wait for her, then nothing we say will change your mind. We think that you are being toyed with by your ex and I don't think there are any explanations that will justify her behavior or make any of the posters say that its okay and you should wait.

    I think you know what you should do, and I think I know what you are going to do. Either way, we wish you luck.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #14

    Oct 4, 2011, 05:14 PM
    You've already lost her.
    Just don't want to face the reality.

    Of course she wants to stay in contact. Why wouldn't she? She has nothing to lose.
    She knows what you want. But she doesn't want the same.

    You, on the other hand, will be just in for more pain, confusion & begging if you stay in contact. A puss move.

    "I can't wait for the next call"

    Don't spend your time waiting. Time to start living w/o her. With zero hopes of getting back.
    This one's gone.

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