Quote:
| Originally Posted by kaitou Do two people have to know each other really well before getting into a relationship? Or can you get to know each other while dating and thereby improving your relationship? |
I think the term "relationship" is not clear. We all have all kinds of relationships. Shoot, I even have one with my mail carrier! But assuming that you meant a
serious, exclusive and committed relationship then this is my answer. People really do need to grow into that slowly so by the time they reach this stage they do know each other well to be able to
TRUST well. It just plain works better this way (so does sex, by the way) In fact, vairous relationships are defined by the level of
TRUST that is involved-- acquaintences a little, coworkers a little bit more, friends more still, close friends alot.
Quote:
| Originally Posted by kaitou Is it important that you are friends with his friends (meaning you can chill and hang out with his friends too, like you guys are all buddies) or is it ok if you can get along with his friends? or cant you build friendship with his friends while the two of you are dating. I dont get it |
His friends are his, hers are hers and you all mix with whoever is comfortable mixing. You with hers, she with yours, etc. No one should be promoted into being friends with someone they don't want to be -- ugh ugh. And no pushing, nudging or begrudging either. But if you don't have enough
TRUST to allow seperate friends, then reread my answer to your first question again.
Quote:
| Originally Posted by kaitou Can't you built a relationship on the attraction between two individual in the beginning, and later make it stronger by understanding and getting to know if the person is right for you? OR are you suppose to know the person well enough before getting into a relationship, so that you'll know is right? |
The attraction begins the dating, the dating allows you to get to know each other, the dating extensively allows you to really get to know each other, and by the time you are taking each other home to meet the family, maybe you are exclusive and committed with a lot of
TRUST built in. But even then you may need to find out more about each other to get engaged or married -- so that stage ought not be rushed either. Then you marry and find out even more stuff about each other you had NO idea you didn't know before. LOL Don't make committments without the appropriate
TRUST foundation to go with it -- they crumble every time!
Quote:
| Originally Posted by kaitou I don't get it, how do you built on a relationship. I was talking to my friend about it, and i feel like my view on it is completely wrong. What is the basis of having a relationship? How do you start something and then possibly make it last? When is it right to start a new relationship? I always thought you go with the flow, when it feels right. |
Risk a little, experience a little, trust a little. Risk a little more, experience a little more, trust a little more and on and on. And that is compounded by two people who may be feeling their way through that process AT DIFFERENT SPEEDS. Whoever is fast will just have to wait, watch and
TRUST that the other will catch up. I think I hear you asking how to trust alot without all the time and effort it takes to risk and experience enough to trust like that. Love alone won't get you there. And last I looked
TRUST builds slowly in humans-- if it is to build well.
Only the childlike or foolishly naive trust absolutely first until its proven otherwise.
I really dont think people fall in love too fast, they fall in trust too fast or even worse, they fall in love without any trust at all. That may seem strange to read "love without trust" on paper (how is that even possible?) but it only takes learning as a child that a parent isn't trustworthy to then grow up knowing how to love without trust. That is exactly what happened to me and I see countless others do the same thing to the same sad results when we get out here in the world of adulthood and try getting by on that. You have to learn to either harness your love to your trust and go a lot slower as a result or you need to learn how to better manage the relationships in which you love but don't trust. I found that the people I love who I cannot trust (like most of my profoundly dysfunctional family) my lack of trust regulated them to something like an acquaintence for me. And we sadly just couldn't last that way so we ended up estranged. If you find a way to manage love without trust better than that, please let me know as I would be very interested in that.
Linear Mode
