Do people really let go for altruistic reasons?

NItEMArE129 · Jan 17, 2009, 08:01 PM

This is for other people
Altruism: the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others

Ok, now to you, jadedheart, how is her previous relationship supposed to affect how much she can love someone? You can't quantify love. You can't measure how much love someone has left in their life. To do so would defeat the purpose of discovering who to love. So don't accept that as an excuse.

As for altruistic reasons, relationships aren't altruistic. If a woman's boyfriend beats her, and yet she makes her happy, she still shouldn't stay with him. She should be SELFISH and LEAVE. Altruism isn't a good virtue. It is the EXTREME. You can't be totally selfish, but you can't be totally selfless. You need the median.

So tell her straight up that she has a simple choice. She can either be somewhat selfish and stay with you, or she can be altruistic and leave you even though she loves you. Then let her choose. If she doesn't want to stay with you, then she probably isn't committed to you enough. If she does stay with you, tell her the dangers of being altruistic and help her to be concerned with herself as well.

MarkwithaK · Jan 17, 2009, 08:06 PM

Are there genuinely selfless people out there in the world? I like to think so but not too sure if I have yet to meet one. There is that old classic line "I just want her to be happy" but in reality anyone that says that really means "I just want her to be happy with ME".
Do I think you're being played? Most likely. Either that or this chick simply does not have enough drama in her life so decided to create some at your expense.

talaniman · Jan 17, 2009, 10:11 PM

I have dealt with enough crazy females that I can tell you there is no rhyme or reason to what they do, or say, just impulsive actions that defy logic. ( Guys can be just as crazy )They are best left alone, no matter how much fun they are when they are rational.

You hang around her long enough, you will be as crazy as she is, and wonder why. Don't try to rational her reasons or motives, just accept them, and protect yourself by leaving her alone. There will be no confusion on your part then.

jadedheart · Jan 17, 2009, 10:55 PM

Thank you all for your insight... You're absolutely right, love isn't finite, and her reasons for leaving me are nothing but a load of crap. Also I'm not going to try to rationalize her logic, keep up with the NC and move on.

For those of you who are in a similar situation, if someone wants to be with you they will. Don't accept any altruistic reason as an excuse. She told me I deserve better, you know what? I DO!

Be strong and preservere I know it hurts I still have trouble sleeping at night, hoping every call or text is from her. But know that you aren't alone, because I know I'm not.

If anyone else has any further insight please share, because I'm using this as a learning experience. Never again will I be completely selfless in a relationship. Thanks again guys

talaniman · Jan 18, 2009, 12:14 AM

The best coping skill you can have, is accepting reality, and knowing when to let go. Not only is the healing time better, its a lot less hassle not trying to figure out how a woman's mind works.

I have been married more than 30 years, and I am still responsible for my own happiness.

That should never change.

Artem · Jan 18, 2009, 01:03 AM

Altruism doesn't exist.

Dare81 · Jan 18, 2009, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artem

Altruism doesn't exist.

I disagree.He could be dating a mahatma Gandhi or a mother Teressa.
( Just kidding)

jadedheart · Jan 20, 2009, 03:26 PM

It's been almost a week since I initiated NC with my ex...

Yet some of the message she sends me are, "I did not sleep much this week, how are you?"
Or generally questions about how I'm feeling.

I don't know if you any of you remember but we had a great relationship, she broke it off for a selfless reason.

Does this mean anything? I know some of you might be thinking it's only to feed her ego if I respond, but I highly doubt that's the case.

For any of you who has dumped someone and broke their heart, would you ever feel the need to check up on them? Or do you think it's otherwise?

NItEMArE129 · Jan 20, 2009, 03:29 PM

You can check up on them, sure, but not now. It's only been a week. You both need time to heal. She will heal too. All relationships end in tears and heartbreak except for the "one." Stay strong and don't worry too much about her. You need to heal too, so focus on that. In the meantime, she will heal herself.

Do people really let go for altruistic reasons?

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