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mrchef1110 · May 24, 2008, 04:01 PM

So me and my ex were going out for 5 months, after about 3 months she stopped talking to me about how she felt, which this being my first relationship I didn't pressure her into talking to me. Fast forward to about a month ago when she broke up with me telling me it wasn't working for her any more, I went back twice for clarification about what went wrong. She said that she felt we moved to fast and that we were on different pages of the relationship and that the 7 month break that we had both foreseen on the horizon showed her the faults in the relationship.

After the second talk, which I did ask her to take me back sadly, and she basically said for me to get over her and go date some other girls as she didn't see me as being anything more than just a good friend. I have instituted NC but seeing we both live at school I have bumped into her twice, once in a group setting, where I ignored her and she ignored me, and once on an elevator, where we made small talk. The problem is I am still crazy about the girl and would like to try get her back.

My question is should I move on as she asked or keep my feelings to myself and hope that she contacts me after she realizes what she lost or be that friend that can eventually turn into something more down the line?

mrchef1110 · May 24, 2008, 04:02 PM

Just as a side note she was very sincere and I was very open in the two talks we had about what went wrong and why. She also said she wasn't going to date until she figured her life out and I don't know if she said that to protect me from being hurt as I was apparently more invested in this relationship than her or if she was just confused and afraid of getting hurt.

MulhollandDGirl · May 24, 2008, 04:16 PM

I think she feels like she moved to fast, she wasn't ready for a relationship. Im quite similar, I had a guy chasing me for a long time and once in a while we would kiss, but I said that I didn't want a relationship, I wasn't ready to let go off the single life.

We stopped doing our thing for a while, and I felt like I was free, but I missed talking with him after a while, I missed his whole being. So we became friends again, and he was like the best guy ever. After a while he had sex with a girl, we also live at a school, so I soon found out about this. This made me terrified of losing him so in the end I realized that I really wanted to be with him.

I think that you should play the cool friend role and show her that you've moved on, and in the end she might realize that she doesn't want to lose you, and if not you are good on your way to get over her.

mrchef1110 · May 24, 2008, 04:18 PM

Would that mean I break no contact and act like a friend when I get over my feelings enough to do that?

jrsg · May 24, 2008, 05:44 PM

I am pretty much in the same boat my friend,
Trying to get the ex back.
Good luck!

MulhollandDGirl · May 24, 2008, 05:46 PM

Well if you really want to try to win her back that's what I would do, but if you want to get over her you do the "no contact" strategy.

mrchef1110 · May 24, 2008, 06:20 PM

If I wait to long that will sabotage me as well right

So I should try to contact her before I go to Europe and keep emailing her while I'm there?
How long was it before you missed talking to the your man fellow?

talaniman · May 24, 2008, 07:37 PM

I think you should set your mind to leaving her alone, and get over her enough to build your own life without her in it. For now don't be swayed by false hopes, and what if's, as that will only delay your healing process, and keep you from focusing on what you need to. Keep the no contact, and emails from Europe are out of the question at this point, until you can see her as a friend, and nothing more than that. You're the one who wants more, and she was quit clear she does not. Focus on you, and not her.

kaitou · May 25, 2008, 05:45 AM

Wanted to give reputation to Tal, but couldn't. But he's absolutely right, you need to work on yourself first. Focus on yourself and no one else.

You can never be her friend, if you have hidden motives behind your actions.

mrchef1110 · May 25, 2008, 10:04 AM

So I should not break contact unless I can either reconcile my feelings within the upcoming months or unless she contacts me correct? So I should just basically use this europe trip as a way to help me get over her and reevaluate my feelings when I get back?

Edit: I have come to the realization that the only way I can have her in my life is to be her friend and it might be like that for the rest of my life however how would I know I am ready to talk to her as a friend?

talaniman · May 25, 2008, 12:05 PM

only way I can have her in my life is to be her friend

Friends come and go through our lives forever, we can never know when they come and no clue as to when they go. Honestly, your being very short sighted. You don't know the circumstances of your situation in a year, let alone 10.

however how would I know I am ready to talk to her as a friend?

When your not worried about her being in your life.

mrchef1110 · May 25, 2008, 12:28 PM

All right I understand it seems like I'm still being clouded by emotion so ill just let it go for a while and see what happens in the upcoming months