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I did something wrong but don't regret it now what.....
Well me and my ex broke up after 3 years and I started hanging out with someone I was attracted to and friends with for a long time priar. However she is engaged with a guy shes not to sure if she will be with forever. The other night she kissed me, I tried to stop her but couldn't last to long as I liked her before. Then one thing led to another and three days later we slept together. Although I hate myself for doing it, not because I didn't want to but because she is engaged and I don't want to be the reason they broke or break up. Now should I hate myself should I be mad at myself. She is the one that started it although I could have stopped it. She doesn't regret it and well maybe it would save her from marrying they guy she doesn't know if she can be with forever. Does this make me a bad person?
As I always say........ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. SHE WILL CHEAT ON YOU ONE DAY - WITH OUT ANY REGRETS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS. People who cheat have some weird wiring that they feel it's OK to cheat and try and justify inside that it's OK.
Obviously she shouldn't be getting married either. I feel bad for the schmuck that's marrying her.......he has to have some gut insinct thta she's no good.
I won't say it makes you a bad person but sleeping with someone else's fiancee isn't a good thing. She's definitely as much to blame as you are, in a sense even more so since she's the one who's engaged to someone else. If she's so unsure of having a future with this guy then she had no business accepting an engagement in the first place. I don't think you can rationalize having slept with her as a way of "rescuing" her from a unhappy marital commitment. Ultimately that's a decision she has to make for herself, whatever feelings she may have for you notwithstanding. It sounds like you care for this girl but if she were to break off the engagement with this other guy and become "available" I'd be very leery as it sounds like she doesn't use very prudent judgement. After all she slept with someone while engaged to someone else. If you and her become involved and she begins to develop some doubts (which is almost inevitable in any serious relationship) do you want her to "resolve" them by sleeping with someone else?
Yes it is a terrible thing, and you are no doomed to hell for all eternity.
What you want to here? Yes of course you should have not slept with someone that is enganged, and if she slept with you, she should break the engagement off, since it means she is not committed to this person, and if she as you said, does not beleive she wants to be with him forever, she should break off the engagement.
Now you were "hanging" with her, of course you wanted her to fall for you and most likely yes you wanted to sleep with her. You are trying to rationalise it to make it sound like a noble thing.
Well first of course i don't beleive in "sleeping" together if you are not married, so even if you were both free I would still condemn it but hey, that is my job, see the collar?
Now it does not sound like she wanted to be engaged, hanging out with other guys, saying she did not want to be with him forever, but that is her and most certainly her fiances BIG PROBLEM.
I don't think you need to be invovled with her untill she decides what she wants. of course could you really ever trust her, would you see her doing with someone else what she did with you?
I don't think your a bad person either. The one who is in a relationship is her and she initally made the choice to cheat on her fiancee. But im going to look at the other side of this issue. Some are saying.."ounce a cheater always a cheater" I think that things in life aren't always so cut and dry, black and white. The question is: why did she cheat on her fiancee? It isn't impossible to fall out of love with someone even if it is a fiancee. How do we know that this fiancee didn't cheat on her and she felt it was payback? How do we know that there isnt something missing in her relationship that maybe she is finding in you. And lastly how do we know she regrets what she did. And possibly feels horrible about it.
Im not saying cheating is right. It never is. Im just merely pointing out the possible reasons why she slipped up. And at this point she needs to ask herself if this man that she's engaged to is the right person for her, now that she's crossed the line. Did she ever tell you why she wanted to sleep with you. If I were you I would just back off for now..no fling no contact. She's going to have to work this mess out on her own.
Though the flip side to this is what everyone has mentioned..maybe she is a cheater and just doesn't care...in that sense you need to be weary of her.
I know that I probley shouldn't have done what I did however I did it and don't really regret it, although it did make life a little more difficult. I guess life will go on though, but it was one of the first times I just let life happen instead of trying to plan my every move. So it was kinda nice and one heck of an experiance to walk on the wild side for a change, but I guess time will tell how wise it really was. I do think that letting life just happen to a certain extent is a great thing it keeps things spontainous and kinda keeps you on the edge of your seat. Thus making life a little more exciting and not so blan. However maybe I stepped over the line I don't know but whatever happens next is going to be a mystery for now and who knows. Anyway thanks all for you opinons they were better then I expected.
Hi, wrongful,
You have some very good answers already.
Just would like to add that "No", it doesn't make you a bad person.
Now, if you get more into it, and think about sleeping with a Married woman, then I would have to say "Don't even think about it".
What happened was a result of the girl, not you. She is the one who made the choice, and her engagement was in trouble long before she met you!
You are not the bad person here, she is. She is the one that has cheated on her partner and is leading you down a path of confusion. She has issues she needs to deal with quite clearly and if she does not want to be with her partner but is quite happy to be engadged to him then thats down to her. This is not your problem and it's you should not make it your problem.
At the end of the day she is the one digging herself a very big hole, so let her do so; but withput taling you down with her.
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