Why am I alone?

Melles378 · #1 May 13, 2006, 01:40 PM

I'm not going to get all whiney I'm just curious about something. How can someone that is so nice still be single? Oh I've dated people but they never last for more than a few months. I always end up getting dumped. No I'm not a *****, quite the opposite because I usually end up getting walked on by them. My longest relationship was 4 months.
I'm a romantic. I believe in poems and roses..candle lit dinners. Giving my sweetie massages and surprising with gifts. Would give everything I could just to see my love happy...yet here I am single....and confused. Does this world only want jerks?

valinors_sorrow · May 13, 2006, 02:13 PM

This could be a really enlightening moment for you or it could be just gaining more reasons to add to your reluctant sense that the world holds too many jerks. If you are ever to get to the bottom of what you are doing "wrong" - its likely going to take better research than "someone so nice" or "i am romantic". You may need to see yourself as you really are (with all your qualities and flaws both) to get to the bottom of what this is about. I tend to see the world as a pretty fair place (full of many kinds, including jerks) and people largely get what they ask for. The trick is some people do not realise they are asking for anything - they are "asleep" and unwilling to look at what they do even as they do it. You play a part in this, no doubt. Start by asking yourself what that part really is, without making you look like the totally innocent victim, if you are interested. Good luck!

Melles378 · May 13, 2006, 02:27 PM

I'm not really saying I may not have done things to mess it up. I do know that I could have worked harder but by the end there was nothing worth saving.

I know that I'm stubborn at times, but I'm not a bad person. I've been told I'm childish only because I'm not aware of certain things because I've not been taught all I should growing up.

My first love left me to return to a previous g/f. No matter how much I loved her and told her so, she had her heart set on leaving me. Said she was leaving because she was not over the ex.

My last g/f is the one who referred to me as childish, but I believe she was the one who was instead. She would throw tantrums, threaten to break things, and other things that I should not mention. I didn't know when I first dated her that she had mental issues...being bipolar was just one.

I loved her so I tried to work our differences out. Halfway through the 4 months we seperated...but a few days later were back again. Crying and each other's arms swearing we both would change. It didn't though. It just got worse.

She and I seperated back in January and I've tried to date but haven't been successful. There have been three failed attempts since then. The first was nothing but a pothead player, the second I wasn't what she was looking for, the third just used me and tossed me aside. *sighs*

So I'm not innocent..nor am I bad. I've done things I've regretted and also regret not doing some. I just really wonder why bad things happen to me.

fredg · May 14, 2006, 03:15 AM

Hi, Melles,
You just haven't met the right girl yet.
I way divorced at my first 7 yrs of marriage; now remarried for 29 yrs to a very wonderful woman.
A good relationship must have love, trust, compromise, caring, and wanting the other person to be happy; sometimes means making sacrifices, not doing what you want to do, but doing what the other wants.
If you do all the above, and she is willing also, then you will have a good, lasting relationship.
Remember one thing: SMILE, and keep smiling when you meet someone. It shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.
Stubborn?? Too much "stubborn" will kill a relationship! I don't know what you mean really, but don't be "stubborn" over more than say, 1 or 2 little things.
Listen to others, instead of talking about yourself. They, in turn, will then want to listen to you. I do wish you the best, and hang in there. You will find her!

Wildcat21 · May 14, 2006, 05:30 AM

Dude - lots going here. Being a 'nice guy' is not OK. Being a 'jerk' is not ok. You need to be a 'good guy' - 'confident guy'.

Women like the 'mushy stuff' - but not all the time.

YOU SAY" "I'm a romantic. I believe in poems and roses..candle lit dinners. Giving my sweetie massages and surprising with gifts. " - that stuff is ok.......is SMALL doses. Too much of that stuff and you will spoil the stew. ACTUALLY - DOING LESS OF THIS STUFF IS MORE!!!!!!

Women DON'T want the soft guy. They don't want the Wuss.

I have a feeling you over communicated? Called them 5 times a day, text, e-mail. You can totally over communicate, especially early on. She should contact you more.

I think you may also put too much importance in these women and they run. See - women should earn the right to be your equal - to more than that. And I am serious - other wise you put too much presure on them.

You want to learn some stuff? go to these websites and learn how to deal with women. That 'much stuff' has to go now.

Love Tactics - Love Tactics Home - read ALL the articles.

AskMen.com - Free Men's Online Magazine - read every article on dating and relationships. Every article.

valinors_sorrow · May 14, 2006, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melles378

My first love left me to return to a previous g/f. No matter how much I loved her and told her so, she had her heart set on leaving me. Said she was leaving because she was not over the ex. My last g/f is the one who referred to me as childish, but I believe she was the one who was instead.

Hey guys, I think Melles is a female seeking female relationships, in which case I have no firsthand experience to offer. Good luck!

JamesCH · May 14, 2006, 08:02 AM

Hi Melles, I am a guy that is going through a similar situation with my ex-g/f. Just from my experience with the way things are going right now it just seems like "the nice guy" is always screwed. I am also a romantic, I do gifts flowers and surprises etc but even with that, women get bored easily.

You gotta keep them on their toes. In a way be unpredictable but don't be a jerk. Girls just need some sort of uncertainty to keep them thinking and guessing, don't let them think they have you figured out



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