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Desperate counselor hasnt helped dont know where to turn!
I have been involved in a mess of a relationship with a married man for almost 2 years now. To say it has been a roller coaster ride is an understatement.
Bottom line is I love him and don't know how to let go of this. He tells me on a daily basis he doesn't love her but wants an amicable divorce. You have to understand his mother died and she has acted as his mother for a long time.
Would he really cheat and continue on with me if he still loved her? He stays out with me on the weekends, leaving her at home. Fights with her to be with me. We get along so well it's like we met at the wrong time. I talk to him almost everyday. But his wife is obsessed with him. After how bad the relationship is, she continues on acting like everything is ok. I am 29 and don't want to wait, but I don't want to let go if their is a possibility. Pushing him to make a choice has only pushed him away. He asked me not to talk about this everytime we are together, because he can't deal.
Do you walk away when someone tells you they are leaving for you, or do you wait? Please help, I am so depressed and can't sleep anymore.
Hey Pink. You know what I know...I know that if you are losing sleep and feeling depressed that you are not happy. ANd you know what else I know...you should be happy. It really can be that easy..I swear.
It is a mindset somehow...that I believe that I deserve to be happy...and that I deserve to have someone love me completely. I know you have heard this before.
One last thing...you know what else I know...I know eharmony has hundreds of real gentlemen looking to meet nice women just like you...I hope you go find one and have the time of your life. God bless...good luck!!
I would have to say I have been there to, its hard I know it is and hard isnt even the word for it. But think about this? why is the relationship really not working between them two? You can not expect a married man to know what ot do. If he is happy with you then he would have chosen to leave already. Its time you tell him you want happiness and if he cant give it to u full time then you do not want no part time. Tell him your leaving and that if he really loves you then maybe he will leave her maybe his confused he doesnt want to hurt her but doesnt want to hurt you. now its yourt decision are you going to let him hurt you or are you going to step up and be women enough to say " ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"?
You say a counselor has not helped you - that is because you really do not want the help. You do want to hear the truth nor are you willing to do what is necessary in this affair. End it.
A married man who cheats on his wife - is going to cheat on his gf (at some point). If he loved you as much as he says, he would divorce his wife to be with you. But he is still married. You have to understand that what you hear is his viewpoint. You do not hear from his wife.
I was married for 23 years and my husband, at one time, had two gf's going at the same time. He never married either one of them but along came another woman and he dumped his gf's to chase after her. Married her about 2 months after the divorce. Of course he maintained he never cheated.
Women who sleep with married men ought to know it gets them nowhere. It can get you in court however.
Now, how can you end this tawdry relationship? It is relatively easy. You tell this guy to leave you alone and then you mean it. You do not call him and you do not answer your phone when he calls. You do not reply to text messages or emails. You block his phone number and email. You tell him that if he contacts you, you will go to his wife. If need be, you will get a protection order. Then stick to it. You are easy prey for this guy and have fallen for one of the oldest stories of mankind.
You have also taken yourself out of the real dating life where a single man could meet you and come to appreciate you. A real shame.
Yeah, it really sucks being the "other woman" doesn't it? Don't worry, you'll get to experience the other side of this equation. Trust me. How so?
Well, assume he FINALLY leaves his wife and you end up with him. Now what will you base trusting him in marraige on? His history of fidelity? His undying claims of love. LOLOL.
Sorry so sarcastic, but look in the mirror. Is THAT the person you planned to be growing up? Marraige-wrecker? Future untrusting wife?
"Would he really cheat and continue on with me if he really loved her?" Of course! But even if he doesn't love her, so what? You are gaining nothing in this relationship except uncertainty.
How good or bad his marraige is is nothing compared to how bad your own character is and you desperately need some alone time to figure out why you feel the only guy worth chasing after is one who can't ever be trusted in your lifetime. You WANT this drama?
You don't need to be depressed. It appears you are safely tucked into a smelly-bed of your own making. No wonder you can't sleep!
So, shake the stink off, leave the married MEN (all of them) alone and work on being the great, trustworthy gal that any available man will work overttime to catch.
You have been listening to his lies for two years?? That's a long time to be dumb and blind as his actions and words do not match. His wife isn't so bad he leaves her for you and why should he as he can lie to you and enjoy his weekend. The only way to break this cycle if you want to, is tell him to keep his lying A$$ at home with his wife. You've already wasted 2 years, how many more are you going to waste??? It really is your own responsibility to make yourself happy. Get another counselor.
Yes, he tells you everything you want to hear, men who cheat are good at that. Two years, does that not tell you something, of course he loves having sex and being with you, you are the fun girl. He has no intent on leaving his wife, and I doubt things are as bad as they seem, or she is just accepting his "fun" because of life style or other reason.
Men love on different levels than women, he loves his wife and loves his home and loves his money that he does not want her to get. He also loves being able to have both worlds.
Of course he is not going to leave his wife, and if he ever does, it may not even be for you, but some other younger girl of the week flavor.
Plus looks how easy he cheats now, do you think he would not cheat on you, or may be alrady now and then.
You are getting what you asked for with a married man, he most likely will still be married to her in 10 years and at some point want to have a younger lady to be fooling around with.
To be the "other woman" (or man) means you are in a dyfunctional relationship.
He relies on you to survive his marriage and get what he needs from you.
You need to stop tomorrow. A dyfunctional relationship can only depress us, sap us, and take our valuable time. As soon as you walk away, he will have to face his life and see what he needs to do....It will take 2-3 YEARS post-divorce for him to be ready for a real relationship.
Thank you everyone. I have to admit on Weds. I spent the night with him, shortly after I wrote my post. He told me he made the choice to leave her. He even asked to meet my family. He made the biggest progress yet of the two years. We talked for a few hours and he explained how he was ready.
Then BAM... Valentine's Day came and she stayed home because she was devastated that he left. He sent me texts yesterday telling me how they were discussing their divorce. I went ballistic, I sent back how I had it being the yo-yo and he keeps going back and forth. And how I had feelings too. He sent to calm down. So, later that night I sent one final text. Saying how amazing it was that they were discussing divorce and that if he wasn't in bed with her right now he would be able to talk. Well, nothing back....
So, my closure was this. It is very hard for anyone to really understand the "connection" we had... It was never either one of our intentions to get romantically involved. I never felt love for anyone the way I felt for this guy, but after all the posts and Weds. night I realize it is for my own sanity.
The only way to find out if someone loves you is to walk away. I am doing this now.
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