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First post here - lots of well informed people on this site so thought i'd ask!
Broke up with ex couple of months back (his call after a row), we decided to be friends, stayed in touch via text yet never got round to meeting cos he was always busy and put it off. Eventually i got tired of it and blew a fuse. He told me to get lost and not to contact him again. I left it as i knew i had caused most of the rows. Its the same old story i wasnt that into him at the start, told him few times lets leave it but he always came back, i didnt care whether or not he did at the time!
Then i got 'into' him all of a sudden and made all the classic mistakes. Not attractive. Although i still didnt take any BS
Now we werent in love or even dating a long time. I know my job here is to move on, i have read a lot of literature and i know you are not supposed to contact him. Hoever after a month i did, just text said hope your well, life too short for this, no hard feelings.
His reply wasnt nasty but he said it would be best if we had no contact. Obviously i will respect his wishes but i am confused as to why this attitude? I was naturally hurt and just agreed and said ok, i 'm inclined to agree -even though i didnt really!
I get it that people handle things in different ways but he doesnt seem the bitter type. I aint dumb honest!! the only reason i ask for opinions is i do not hold grudges myself and i find myself blaming me, saying wow he must really think bad of you if he dont even wanna talk!!
Hi,
Your ex sounds like he really liked you a lot! He doesn't want to be friends, because it's hard for someone who is trying to get over you.
If you want a good relationship with someone, it's based on trust, love, caring, compromise, and wanting the other person to be happy. Arguing is not wanting the other person to be happy.
Compromise is the key to any good relationship.
I do wish you the best, and I would follow his wishes. Move on, SMILE, and make some new friends.
PS; You said "we weren't in love", but do you actually know he wasn't?? It could also be that, if he wasn't in love with you, that he is ready to move on with his life to new friends.
If it were me I would let it go and move on to other things that are more important than a relationship that is over,so forgive yourself and enjoy your freedom.
Needkarma the truth hurts but you are right! There is no excuse for arguing particularly in the early stages when things are supposed to be rosy in the garden. I was just so insecure and didnt know where i stood with him he wasnt the most emotional person!!
I've learned a lot about myself and my relationships through this brief relationship as its the first time i admitted that i was causing problems and just threw the rest away. I wish i knew this earlier as he was a pretty nice guy. But i guess everything happens for a reason so hopefully with what i have learned i wont be letting any nice guys slip through my fingers again!
I just wanted him to see that i had changed and show him with my new found confidence i could go back to the way i was at the start because man did i change. I was so funny and cocky when we first met. DIdnt make myself too available but that wasnt a tactic i just wasnt that into him!! Little did i know i should have kept it up.
I know now that there is no hope of a reunion, i guess i always knew but his no contact comment just confirmed it. But i have gained confidence for me anyway so it certainly wasnt a wasted journey.
I don't know how old you are but rest assured that we've all been through this and it's part of the "process" as it were. This is how you find out what works for you and what doesn't. Also you cannot help but learn a little about your own personality which in turn helps you select a compatible mate - geez that sounds so clinical
Too embarrassed to say cos i guess you imagine i am a teenager with this carry on ha!!!
Put it this way i am old enough to know better!!! I'm 30 but its only in the last few weeks i realised i'm not very good at relationships, none of the other boyfriends were that great to me so it was easy to continue blaming them for what went wrong instead of looking at myself. Anyhow as i said everything happens for a reason. Thanks again for reply.
You shouldn't have contacted him. He trying to get over you and probably has - he probably sees other people. He's basically said he has moved on and doesn'twant to be friends.
WHY the text messages at age 30? Text are fun for non-serious stuff or communicate when your dating - but pick up the freaking phone - it means a lot more.
We've always communicated by text. I think its less intrusive than a phone call particularly if you are not sure that the person wants to talk to you or what they might be doing. I treat my friends the same way usually text first and ask are they free to talk then i call. I always thought it was good manners but perhaps in this case cowardice.
I'm not getting defensive - well actually i guess i am. The last row we had was because he said he wanted to be friends and meet up for coffee yet kept putting it off yet he would text at 3am or 4am to see if he could call over for sex after he'd been out drinking. I said no, even though i really wanted to see him and it was hard but i knew if i let him that it would never be anymore than that. Thats why i blew a fuse. He wanted to use me, or at least thats how it felt. and if he wasnt getting anything out of it i.e sex than he couldnt be arsed finding the time to meet me, he was too busy mowing the lawn, shoppiing or fixing the shower.
I never played games but i wont deny the blow ups, i guess friends beat around the bush, wont tell you like it is. thats why a strangers opinion is always better i feel - a friend wouldnt say because he didnt need your crap.
Thank you for your advice. Direct, to the point and clear.
**Edited to add - wildcat may i ask please - i have read a few other posts on people trying to get back with their ex boyfriends/girlfriends and your advice is always no contact. Is this indefinate no contact ever? When you say i shouldnt have text him i was trying to open the line of communication - he broke up with me. I thought a month was sufficient space to let him cool off? i know my relationship is over i am just asking out of curiousity now.
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