Hey guys, I've been slowly improving after my breakup almost 5 months ago and I've posted about it here before. (We were on a "break" after 2 years together but he unexpectedly began seeing someone else around 3 months ago.) There's been good days, there's been bad days, and the thing that I feel is keeping me from healing further is that I still have to face him in school everyday (I'm a junior in high school). We have classes together and lots of mutual friends. I've been trying to stick with no contact as much as possible, I took him off my buddy list because I'm better off not knowing what he's up to, but I can't just ignore his existence when he turns around to make small talk during class..as much as I'd like to. I still have bitterness towards him and I'm not yet over what's happened so I try to avoid his looks and keep busy talking to other people but there's still a natural awkwardness there that keeps bringing my mind back to our relationship. I just can't concentrate on lectures and classwork when he's right there. I guess my question is, in the long run am I better off settling for being his friend under these circumstances where we have to see each other? It's just that these days I really feel like I'm insulting my dignity when I allow myself to talk to him after he's caused me so much pain. On the other hand, maybe by allowing myself to talk to him more normally again then some of the awkwardness would go away and I could focus on other things.... Though I also fear that if we become too good of friends it may ignite some false hope in me that he's come to his senses... which could put me right back where I started. Trust me, I've gone though countless posts on this forum and I've learned a lot. I know it's probably not healthy to be friends with him again until my feelings for him are gone. However, I can't help but wonder if I'm hurting myself in the long run by holding this little grudge. I just don't know how to act around him, I always feel unlike myself and uncomfortable. I want some stability back in my life and to stop dreading classes with him!

Marissa17

I actually never thought of it that way either Tal but you're right, as usual. If I don't respond to these games then I don't have to play them. I don't understand what fuels these little games though, does he just want to see if he still has that power/control over me? If that's the case then I need to prove him wrong. Also, I remember reading that quote by kaitou, I guess I've become a forum junkie but this place keeps me sane and on the right track. It is a very significant quote and when I first compared it to my situation I thought I could handle the hurt but on a not so good day like I had today, I can truthfully tell myself that I'm not at that point yet and I might not be there for a while. I do care about him and I know he's still a good person underneath all this. I don't want him out of my life completely but the "nod" method is the only way to go for a while. I think I'm going to print out some of your posts so they remind me to hold my ground in school. Thanks everyone, I needed that.

kaitou

I think the period of time that follows a break up should be a time of self-care, self evaluation, and self reflection. It is a time that you have to get through alone without relying on the help of others. But of course this can't happen until you stop clinging onto false hope, or accepted that its over.

I think you should seriously focus on yourself for now. Stop wondering what he's doing or thinking. Get thoughts like "If i do this, he might start disliking me, and then we'll never be back together again" out of your mind. When i just broke up with my ex, all i did was think about him. Which was stupid. He wouldn't notice anything i was doing anyways. I mean once it's over, there's really nothing left you can do to impress him. Your effort would all be unappreciated/wasted. Stop analyzing what he's doing, no matter how hard you try, you'll never know what's he's thinking.

Besides he got a girlfriend. That's a pretty clear sign that you shouldn't make much of anything that he's doing. Even if he wants you back now, do you really want an indecisive guy like him?