I met a man recently who is a terrific in many ways. He's divorced, but he only has good things to say about his ex-wife (who cheated on him). He has a child he adores. He is loving toward his extended family. He has a good job.

I went out with him a few times. After our second date, he started telling me how wonderful I am -- I mean really gushing. I think that I'm a good person, but I don't think that after only a few hours together he is in a position to judge me or anyone else in such an extremely positive way. I felt very uncomfortable.

I want to be in a relationship with a really good guy, but by coming on too strong so soon when we were just getting to know each other, he pushed me away.

I'm thinking about seeing him again. But, how can I stay interested in him when after just four dates he's left me in no doubt about his strong feelings for me and I feel like I haven't had much of a chance to see if I can develop feelings for him? The difference in our feelings is making me want to stay away from him. But, my wanting to develop a relationship with a good guy is making me think that I should keep trying with him in spite of feeling uncomfortable.

Any advice?

Wildcat21

Yes I do, but i think it would be impossible to keep your relationship and tell him - he needs to learn on his own. I am sure IT SUCKS!!!! Guys just don't know this stuff. We think we have to be all nice, impress, be agreeable, being all nice instead of being our selves, trying to convince a lady to like us (never will happen UNLESS you have a billion dollars), looking for your approval and permission, buy a ladies effection, sharing how we FEEL WAY too early - guys should wait a long time - it's what woman want, NOT understanding how attraction works, giving away ALL your power to the woman - submission, NOT knowing/learning about woman's tests.

HE REALLY NEEDS TO KNOW woman think differently than men - woman feel - guys think in logic. Woman react more on their feelings on things.

He should go to these websites:

Here's one with a TON on the 'Nice Guy' syndrom www.relationships.blog-city.com

He should go to www.askmen.com and he should read ALL the dating articles ALL of them - especially Doc Love (Mr. tough love)

He needs to buy this book: www.doubleyourdating.com and get the free e-mail.

You BOTH need to go to www.lovetactics.com - he needs this - read the free articles.

IF you stop seeing him please explain WHY and share this stuff with him.

Guys just don't know this stuff AT ALL! Woman talk about it ALL day long every day!!!

Being a 'Nice Guy' is BAD for business - ANF I know for a fact it is NOT natural - WE THINK WE NEED to be all nice and NOT UPSET you - but that's WRONG!!!!

My gal LOVES Tulips - I would buy them EVERY day for her - BUT SHE WOULD HATE THAT!!! HATE IT!!! I would buy her a field of Tulips - BUT SHE WOULD HATE IT!!!! Small doses of gifts work. Compliments need to be rationed carefully or women WILL feel they are being manipulated.

Wildcat21

ALSO - you might not like this - he should see other woman in the beginning - it keeps the guy from putting TOO MUCH emotion into ONE woman - a woman he really knows little about.

You CAN'T CALL ALL THE TIME, e-mail, text - too much communication is horrible for business.

Wildcat21

I would sit down with him and slowly tell him what woman expect - he's clueless - he is clueless tha the is turning you OFF instead of turning you on!

He needs to understand to be a little less available, independent, CONFIDENT, know what woman want, healthy, NOT needy-clingy etc.

By not acting desperate to get love in return, but by methodically being there for the One You Want over time they will come to emotionally depend on you. A great skill to seek to master is that of Reflective Listening. This alone will give you more power than you can ever imagine!

Wildcat21

Nice guys are so insecure and needy - and they have NO IDEA they come across this way. It's repulsive for a woman - there is no need for .

Guys think they NEED to put woman up on a pedestal - WRONG!

Wildcat21

A bunch of here decided the word nice should never be used any more in terms of relationships - it's just a BAD word.

CroCivic91

I must comment on this. I cannot stress how important it would be for him if you tell him these things once (if) you stop seeing him.

There was one girl i loved...not fell in love, but grew in love with her...one day she said she wants to break up and would consistantly say it is not my fault...that she just wants to be alone at the time. She just would never tell me what was wrong. I do understand NOW what the problems were. I can tell you now that I "hate" her for not telling me in my face what the problem was. If she just said that i was calling her too often, that i was too nice with her, always been there for her (MUCH more then i should have), I would learn all this stuff years ago...I would have a chance to change before i found this site and heard what Wildcat was talking about. But instead, she decided to say it was her, that i didn't do anything wrong.

If you don't tell him what his problems are, he'll have very little chance of changing. Unless he runs into someone like Wildcat

So, if you can't stand it - tell him...leave him alone for a while and tell him to call you once he changes...but just don't say it's not his fault...it's the worst thing you can do.

It would be like if my coach wanted to teach me how to throw a punch, but I don't learn it right away and break my wrist because i didn't hold my hand the right way. When i break it, and he sees my mistake, he just says: "It's not your fault!". After it would heal, i'd go back to my boxing bag and make the same mistake again - breaking my wrist again. If he decides to tell me what i'm doing wrong, i'll make an effort to learn that, and avoid breaking my wrist again.

So - don't just say "it's not your fault"...it's the worst thing you can do.

Wildcat21

I was the same way - I had to learn this stuff. It's horrifying to find out - BUT THEN enlightening!!!!!

I gal I really LIKED did the same thing to me - it's not you, it's me - WELL, I had to change - I HAD to find out what I was doing wrong!

It's all really our mothers faults for tellin gus to treat woman like princesses al lthe time - and for the most part they don't deserve it!! Woman are like guys and you should treat them that way a lot. No Pedestals - it's too high a place and presure for a woman to handle.

Wildcat21

I adivse, if he keeps it up and creeps you out, to break up with him and tell him. PLEASE give him all those sites..

If I just help one more person.

I bet if he learned he would SO MUCH MORE happy - and you'd liek him a lot more as well.

mike145k

i think he may be a very lonely person eager to be with a nice woman like yourself that he may be over doing it to impress you i think if you give it some more time things will become better