Okay. I have posted a lot on this site, but I have been away for awhile. Some people may know my background, but some may not. Therefore, I will just say that I am a divorced mother of 2 beautiful children (It was final in Nov 06) and I just started dating a divorced father of 2 children himself.

We have been seeing eachother for 3 months and feelings are growing stronger and stronger, at least for me. He calls me every night, but we only are able to see eachother every other weekend. It is great that we both have our kids on the same weekends, so we don't have to worry about getting sitters when we want to go out, etc.

I told myself that I would be overly cautious when dating again, but I feel that I am falling fast and hard for this guy. We talk about our children all of the time and I think that we both know eachother's kids without actually physically meeting them. Part of me thinks that we are moving too fast, while at other times I feel like I want to speed it up. Is it normal to have such conflicted feelings? It is not like I want to meet his kids or him mine at this very moment, but I feel that he and I really have a future together. Then again, I thought that about my ex.

Is there anyone out there who is in this same situation? I would really love to hear not just the women's point of view, but also the guys. What sort of things go through a guy's mind who also has kids?

Mom of 2

I just got home from work a little while ago and felt the need to update everyone on how Sunday went. It could not have gone better. His family is soooo nice and welcoming. I felt totally at ease with everyone, including his kids. His mother actually turned out to be a sweetheart.

Basically, I could not sleep for the two days prior to meeting them. I kept on waking up on the hour every hour. I worked until 3:30 p.m. and got to his place at 5 p.m., after taking a shower at my place. They were waiting to eat until I got there, which I thought was totally uncalled for, as everyone had gotten there at 12 p.m. and had to have been starving at that time. After calling him to let him know that I was pulling into his subdivision, I parked my car down the street and walked slowly to his front door. I felt (just a little bit) like a sheep going to slaughter. I was excited and nervous at the same time. As I was walking up to the front door, C appeared from the backyard. I am sure that I had a look of panic on my face because he giggled a little bit and said that everything was going to be okay, that they were going to love me, etc. I followed him, holding his hand, and he introduced me to the one brother that I did not meet and this brother's wife. After that, he walked me over to his son, who was so sweet, and then he walked me over to his mom. It was at that point that my heart sunk and the rest of the girls giggled, as I am sure that they could remember this same feeling. His mom turned out to be an absolute sweetheart. I said hello, and on the advice of my friend, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She said that she remembered me from an earlier party that my girlfriend had at her house and she welcomed me to the gathering. At that point, my girlfriend walked up to me, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going in for a drink". While in the kitchen, she told that I did extremely well. C had followed us into the kitchen and it was at that point that he introduced me to his daughter, who was coming out of the house into the backyard. She just smiled and said hello. I cannot believe that I had spent two nights worrying about something that was over with in a matter of 5 minutes!! I then went back outside and C's sister-in-law struck up the 20-question conversation. I was polite and answered all of her questions, knowing that I had nothing to hide. Apparently everything went well because I was told by his family members that I was to make sure that I got the day off for a graduation party and a birthday party in July. C simply said, "She will and we will be there." C and I both had a sort of silent agreement to stand by ourselves without glomming onto each other. I certainly did not want to make his kids uncomfortable, and I know that he was thinking the same thing. He just kept looking at me and smiled and I smiled back. His daughter actually sat next to me for quite a bit of the time and we talked about the fact that the high school that I went to was just down the street from the high school that she currently attends (she goes to the Catholic high school that is located just down the street from the high school that I went to) and how much it changed. She also talked about how she was excited to get her license in August.

At the end of the night, his kids retreated to their rooms, which apparently is typical for them. C and I stayed in the backyard and just talked. We refrained from holding hands, which was silently accepted by the both of us. I was scared that one of his kids was going to come out and "catch us". Again, I don't want to do anything that is going to cause his kids to resent me in anyway. This was a big step, but it certainly does not mean that I am totally in the free and clear. Although his kids have now been officially introduced to their father's girlfriend, it is still such a new idea for them and will take some time for them to feel totally comfortable with me. The next step for us is for him to meet my kids. That part will be so much easier for me.

Whew!!! I completed a huge step, a step that I had anxiously waited for and was a lot less severe than I had originally thought it would be like. I am just so happy that it went so well.

frangipanis

that's the most beautiful thing I've read for a long time....... )))

talaniman

That's so great to hear that things went so well.

Enjoy this getting to know everyone stage.

Mom of 2

It has been a loooong time since I posted anything and so much has happened that I felt the need to update everyone.

1. I introduced my kids to C and they both liked him very much. My son actually gave me "permission" to continue dating him. My son was so cute in the way that he presented himself as a sort of man of the family - trying to be mature, but also acting like a typical goofy 12 year old. My daughter also did very well. She was a little more quiet, but she smiled and giggled a lot, which is a real good sign for her. I am so proud of both of them!!!

2. I went to the graduation party with C for his niece and that went very well. His mom actually came directly up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss hello. After that party we went to his son's baseball team party and I was introduced to all of the parents of the players. After both parties, C told me that his family loves me and that his friends had nothing but good things to say about me.

3. My birthday was in July and we went out to dinner with his brother and sister-in-law. He gave me a beautiful Tiffany necklace (the simple Picasso heart pendant, not the one that looks like a dog collar). It is beautiful and was TOTALLY unexpected. To all of you guys out there, if there is any question as to what to give a woman/girl (and you can afford it), every female loves the litttle blue box!!!! If you can't afford it, any tasteful jewelry is great too.

4. C invited me AND my kids to his daughter's birthday party in 2 weeks. I told my kids about it and they are soooo excited. My daughter had me take her to get a new outfit for the occasion. She is sooo like me (and only 8 years old).

5. Had a small run-in with C's ex-wife. I did not actually see her. She dropped their son off early (about 4 hours early) at C's house and she saw my car in front of the house. She called the house and I heard her screaming in the phone "Who in the hell is in the house with my children!!" She wanted to know my name, etc. and apparently grilled the kids. The kids told C that they told her what my name was and that was about it. She asked if I stayed the night, which I do not when the kids are home. It was a little uncomfortable and very embarrassing for C, but we made it through. After she left, I asked him if he wanted me to leave so that he could spend time with the kids and kind of talk things through with his kids, but he convinced me to stick around for a little bit and that everything was okay, that it was the ex who made the children uncomfortable.

If there is one piece of advice that I could give to anyone dating someone with children (either yours or the other person's children) - be understanding and patient. Know up front that plans can and will change and that there will be unexpected surprises. The key is to stay calm and to try to be as understanding as possible. I just wish that I fully understood that in the beginning instead of second guessing myself all of the time and wondering if he was blowing me off because he was not interested. Now I know that is as far from the truth as possible. Even though we may not SEE a lot of each other, the times that we do see each other are so nice and special. I truely believe that I am falling in love (if I have not done so already!!).

jrebel7

Mom of 2, I have wondered how things have been going for you. I was delighted to see your post. Everything just sounds so great. Even the way he and you handled the ex situation on the phone call, which has to be difficult all the way around, seemed to just be wonderful.

You also gave some good advice learned from your experience! That is priceless!

Best to you and your family and your future!

talaniman

Its so great to hear some good news, and you really deserve to be happy, so can I stop biting my nails now.

Just take your time, and go slow, and ENJOY each other.

Mom of 2

Yes, talaniman, you can stop biting your nails. I am so happy with everything; my kids, my life, my man.

The day after I posted my last post, I slipped on some ice at work (I work in a restaurant - so don't think too hard about where I found ice to slip on in the middle of summer!!), fell and broke my knee cap. I have to have surgery in a couple of days. Therefore, C took care of me the entire weekend, which was really nice. He was so attentive, gentle and nice. Because of my incident, my ex has to take care of the kids for another week, which is also going to kill me but it is a necessary thing. My kids are upset about not being able to go to the party next weekend at C's house, but I explained to them that there will be more opportunities to do that in the future.

Overall, and under the circumstances, things are going well. I need to continue to go with the flow because just when you think you have everything figured out, life has a way of throwing a curve ball at you. It is our job to catch it and throw it back.