It has been a month since by husband and I separated and I find that I still cry almost everyday. I was the one that kicked him out. This is our second separation in the past year. I was the one who was upset by his lack of affection, lack of sex (internet porn) and beer drinking and that he was not always very kind to my 12 yr old daughter. I have been trying NC, but find that after a week I have the need to email him (legitimate reasons about the separation/medical benefits) but also to see if he'll contact me, he is so cold to me which I don't understand or maybe I wasn't expecting it. He turned this whole thing around on me two weeks ago making it seem like it was his decision to leave cause he couldn't stand us anymore. I know he was pissed off about moving, do you think I reaching for something that isn't there emotionally and that I probably truly don't want. I keep thinking he is going to call me or stop by to say he misses me or that he loves me and he has stayed totally away as if he is now doing NC. How long does it take to get over this. I miss him but don't want to continue with our marriage with him as if none of the above happened, because I wasn't happy either. I wish it could all go back to the time when things were good. Why can't I stay strong and get on with this with out waking up and crying , coming home and crying... please help

It is normal to feel this way. Even women who were beat up and abused have a sense of loss when their boyfriend isn't coming home any more.
You need to get on with your life and fill the void with finding things you enjoy. Get out, meet people, do things.
Don't use needing to contact him for some problem as an excuse. Keep contact to a minimum. Like let him know a list of things that need taken care of that he HAS to do.
Don't be informing him of every little thing as it comes up, that is only an excuse.
You are romanticizing what little you miss in the marriage instead of looking at the over all picture of what led you to kicking him out.
The little isn't worth the lot.

It's normal to still feel a connection. But in your case, the cons outweight the pros. Don't hang on to the little pros that are left. There are too many cons and obstacles for you two to be happy together.

Stick to NC unless you absolutely have to contact him. His behavior and turning things onto you shows us that he's not able to be respectable. Just yourself more time to heal. Don't look backwards. Keep moving forward.

I think his behavior is proof you made the right decision for yourself, but getting beyond those old feelings still sucks big time. That's normal, and will take time.