Hey guys, I wanted to post an update and ask a new question about my initial post from a while back, and for all of those who responded thanks so much and maybe youd like to do again Anyhow, on with it...

Okay, this are murkier for me now than before, if youve read my old post you will know what im talking about, I fought with the reasoning as to why she could not be cordial with me, and why ahe was angry all the time (as I figured that was a by-product of her not being over me, which apparantly I was right) and now after I've backed off, she has turned full circle and is making a strong effort as she says to be friends.
While she does say friends, and I know she is dating another guy (her rebound, but not serious) believe me that I do know her and I know while she says friends, she would not be contacting me as much as she is, or continuing to do so without me replying to her if she did not want to be more than friends, I know confusing lol. Also, at the time, I figured that was all I wanted, to not let there be lingering resentment as I did move on I did date other girls etc, but after being with other women and having new friends...I've realised that it's not the case, I want her back.
Now, I havent gone about being needy, she is always the one who calls me and I have yet to return her calls, maybe I answer her by email once every other week as she does call me multiple times in the week sayign she wants to hang out, wants to do dinner, etc. Case in point last week was her birthday, and I had her texting me saying she wanted to hang out soon, So I guess my question is two tiered, am I off base in thinking she wants to rekindle our past, and that she really only does want friendship? And in the case that she wants more, how do I go about that with her, it's a fine line to walk when trying to get back together with someone, how do I continue to hold the upper hand in not calling her back and being needy combined with wanting to hang out with her etc...it's just that I know rule number 1 is that you dont be available and needy, but how do I go about contacting then?? I'm so confused haha, but thanks all in advance

fredg

Hi,
What's it been since you first posted about your confusion, maybe a couple of weeks? a month?
Give this some time. You say you are dating others, but really, it hasn't been very long. She has another person she is dating also.
You may never have a chance with this girl for real love. Give yourself a few months, like more than 2, and see what happens.
You can't get your mind off someone in a month or two. It sometimes takes a year or two, depending on if you are really in love.
If she really wants you, is in love with you, she will come see you; not send you messages, emails, phone calls, etc. True love will find a way. Friendship is different. She is a friend at this point, that's all.

Wildcat21

How Attraction Works For WOMEN


AN INTERESTING STORY (OR SO)...

There are two basic stories for how men and
women "start off" together, and two basic stories
for how men and women "end up".

Through all of time, I'm sure that men and
women have been playing out these stories... and
I'm sure that they'll continue to play them out
long into the future (that is, unless I have
something to say about it... and I do).

THE MEETING STORIES

Here's "Meeting Story #1":

Boy is attracted to girl. Unfortunately, boy
doesn't have a clue about how to make girl feel
ATTRACTION for him... so, instead he tries to
"pursue" girl by offering her dinners, gifts, and
flowers. Girl finds boy "nice", but there are no
"sparks", so she "just likes him as a friend".

Here's "Meeting Story #2":

Boy is attracted to girl. Fortunately for him,
boy understands ATTRACTION, and begins to
communicate with girl in a way that makes her feel
a powerful physical and emotional response for boy
that she can't control. The sparks fly, and boy
and girl "get together".

As I'm sure you know...

In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.

In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.

THE STORIES OF HOW THINGS "END UP"

Let's assume that somehow, boy and girl
actually "get together". Things usually go one of
two ways after that...

Here's "End Up Story #1":

Boy and girl get together. Boy realizes that he
"REALLY likes" girl. Boy begins to act more and
more predictable. Boy starts to share "how he
feels" about girl too often. Boy becomes more and
more submissive. Girl loses that feeling of
ATTRACTION that she once had for boy and has no
way of explaining or understanding why. Girl
leaves boy and boy is left wondering what
happened.

Here's "End Up Story #2":

Boy and girl get together. Boy understands that
no matter how much he likes girl, he cannot let
himself become a Wussy who chases girl around
"sharing how he feels" and becomes boring. Boy
keeps the relationship interesting and he keeps
challenging girl. Boy stays in control of himself,
and by understanding his role as "The Man" in the
relationship, keeps girl interested and attracted
to him into the future.

And again, as I'm sure you know...

In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the
situation and both of them know it.

In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.

If you look at your experience with women, I'm
sure you'll see that these short stories describe
MOST of the experiences you've had.

Now, of course there are slight twists and
variations, but the message is clear:

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND HOW ATTRACTION WORKS FOR
WOMEN... AND HOW TO KEEP THE ATTRACTION GOING
WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE.

If you don't understand ATTRACTION and how it
works, then you are destined to keep playing out
these same stories for the rest of your life. It's
very unlikely that you'll stumble upon the "magic
solution" by accident...

ATTRACTION IS DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN IT IS FOR
MEN - VERY DIFFERENT

The reality is that you CAN stop this negative
pattern if you WANT to.

But the key is:

1) Understanding how ATTRACTION works for WOMEN.

2) Understanding YOURSELF, so you don't ALLOW
yourself to act like a Wussy, become boring and
turn a good thing into a bad one... but instead
you do the RIGHT things to keep everything on the
right track.

If you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
for you, then you can control your destiny with
women. If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel
ATTRACTION for you, then you cannot control your
destiny with women.

Read that paragraph again, and think about it
for a minute before you go on.

OK, so I mentioned that ATTRACTION is very
different for women than it is for men.

Different how?

What do I mean by that? ... Well, generally
speaking, for a woman, ATTRACTION is a PROCESS...
not an "event". It happens over time, and it
becomes stronger or weaker depending upon how well
the man in the situation understands how it works.

For a man, ATTRACTION is much more of an
"event", meaning that it's either there or it
isn't. It really doesn't matter whether or not the
woman understands how it works. (As an interesting
side note, if a woman really knows how ATTRACTION
works, and her intention is to manipulate a man,
it usually works VERY well.)

So, think of a woman's "Attraction Mechanism"
more like a volume knob than a light switch.

It's like a fantastic, classy old car that
needs to warm up for a long time before you can
drive it... not like a brand new Honda that you
can start up and get right on the freeway with.

Here's a little secret about women and
ATTRACTION: If you'll just take a little longer in
every situation to AMPLIFY a woman's ATTRACTION,
she'll love you for it... and you'll experience
rewards that will make the extra time you spent
seem like the best investment of your entire life.

Here are a few specific tips for you for the
"Meeting Phase":

1) Start with something STRONG, not WEAK.

When a guy finds a girl interesting, he usually
turns into a ball of nervous mush. Then, he
usually makes the mistake of letting the woman
KNOW that he's nervous and weak.

Don't do it.

Do something STRONG.

Challenge her.

If she thinks that she's cool, make fun of her.
If she's smart, argue with her a little. If she's
doing something, tell her that you could do it
better.

When you PUSH a little, and show some BACKBONE,
she'll push back. That's your sign that the GAME
IS ON.

If you just chase after her like the 100 other
Wussies that have been bothering her this week,
you will just be another boring, predictable face
in the crowd.

2) Keep the TENSION UP.

One of my favorite concepts is "Never let the
line go slack".

This means that once you SPARK the "chemistry"
or "sexual tension", you need to KEEP IT UP.

Just because she starts doing things that hint
to you that she's interested, doesn't mean that
it's time to STOP. Quite the opposite, actually.

Turn UP the volume a little. It's working, so
do more!

3) Tease.

The word "tease" has a couple of meanings.

One of the meanings has to do with doing things
that are slightly annoying to get a response from
someone.

The other meaning is subtly different and has
to do with drawing out a response that you want by
doing certain things that indirectly trigger it.

Do both.

If you're about to kiss her, wait until your
lips are so close that you can almost feel her...
and then STOP. Pull away, and smile.

If you want to know how she feels about you,
say, "You LOVE me" in a condescending tone of
voice, and see how she responds. If she says "NO I
DON'T!" in an exaggerated, mocking way, then she
probably DOES "love" you.

Teasing is fantastic. Do more of it.

And here are a few tips for the "End Up" phase:

1) Never become BORING.

Being predictable and boring is a cardinal sin
when it comes to ATTRACTION.

Don't do either.

Of course, telling a man not to be predictable
is like telling a dog not to hump your leg.

Most guys are PAINFULLY predictable.

We LIKE being predictable, actually. I get it.

But, when it comes to a woman you enjoy, you'd
better figure out a way to STOP IT.

There's nothing that will kill the sparks
faster than her knowing what you're about to do or
say.

2) Don't hand over control.

Women like men who make decisions and take the
lead. Now, I'm not saying that women like men who
are overly controlling. What I am saying is that
women don't like guys who are always saying things
like, "I don't know, what do YOU want to do,
baby?".

Women don't want men that they can control, so
don't be one.

3) Respect yourself and keep your own interests.

When a guy meets a woman he likes, he often
wants to spend as much time as possible with her.

This is natural, of course.

But there's a big danger here as well.

If you put your life aside for a woman, you
will become less interesting to HER.

In the long run, it's MUCH better to keep your
friends, your interests, and your hobbies, and to
spend time doing the things you enjoy... WITHOUT
HER.

And I think it's VERY important to keep
improving yourself as a person, and continue to be
a guy that she can look up to and respect.

As soon as you start acting like she's going to
be around forever, she'll start feeling less and
less ATTRACTION for you.

THE BIGGER PICTURE

Now, as you read these examples, can you see
the bigger picture forming?

Can you see the deeper message?

The deeper message is that you need to
understand how ATTRACTION works for women and you
need to do those things that keep the ATTRACTION
BUILDING FOREVER.

Now, where does this all begin?

It begins with YOU.

And it begins with you learning how to control
yourself and your emotions. It begins with you
understanding the history of how and why
men and women become attracted to each other. It
begins with you learning the basics of how to use
subtle body language and communication to make
women feel ATTRACTION for you.

And what's the best way to get this "in depth"
education?

You need to get some of your "Inner Game"
issues handled, and you need to learn how to
really get control of your emotional life. If this
is you, then I recommend you check out my "Deep
Inner Game" program.

collegehockey

tahts great, but I guess I need some more specifics eh....come on I know yo all are out there dying to help me eh hehe

Wildcat21

It's called creatin gattraction again. You need this. Be busy. Don't accept the 'friendzone'.

collegehockey

Understandable, but the point is i'm sure I have beeen, I havent been chasing her and I havent beeen giving in, ive beeen busy, ive been with other girls and its obvious with the fact she is always asking me to hang out etc and calling me so forth that I have, its just a simple question of how do I go about communicating with her again after this long and after being busy....how do I begin hanging out with her again without the risk of loosing the upper hand, do I just break down and call her and set somethign up on my terms, basically it boils down to ive been doing the stay busy part, and its worked shes obviously attracted to me again, so how do i go about playing off this attraction without sacraficing it, basically since she still calls and i dont return her calls should I just out of the blue call her one day or would that be a no go?

momincali

Read all your posts to bring me up to speed and this is what I think...Never assume anything, ANYTHING! All the calls, emails, text messages...if she threw herself naked on your bed, you shouldn't assume she wants you. You should ask, do you want me??? The point is, make her say it, crystal clear. Don't play games cause in games there is always a loser, should I call...will it give her the upper hand...yada, yada, yada. Call if you want, keep it short, funny and casual. Not every day or even twice a week, once every other or so. Don't let her predict your next move, but don't ignore her to the point where she may figure you don't have interest and she find herself attracted to someone else who does give her a little attention. If she calls you for a date, make it lunch and keep it on a schedule. Light hearted, fun, short...it will keep her attention just enough.

Katiy

Well, it's obvious you both still like each other. Hard to move on that way isn't it.