I dont know why

kaboodles · #1 Mar 30, 2005, 11:41 AM

I ahd been going out with my boyfriends for 6 monthes, and although that may not seem very long, it was for me.
Everything had been going fine, i had been falling more and more in love with and i he told me it was the same for him. I thought we had grown together so much. However he is a professional ski racer, so obviously he had to go away alot. But I dealt with it just fine, and I completely trusted him so when he would go away I would miss him very much obviously, but i ust kept thinking how great it would be once he got back. Well ski season is comign to an end after these final national races coming up so i thought whatever samll problem we had been having would fix themselves then.
But after his last trips he came back 3 days ago, and we got to talking and obviously is tarted telling him how much i missed him, and all he replyed by doing was telling me all about the strip joint he went to out therre. I was really hrut and i told him I was upset he ahdnt considered to tell me he loved me or missed m. So he went off and told me he ahsnt love me for over a month now and he never misses me when he goes away. Apparently it hurts too much for himt o miss me while hes gone so he pretends i dont exists until he just stopped loving me altogether. The weird thign is he tells me he still wants me and doesnt want to not be with me, but he broke up with me anyways 2 days ago.
I just dont undersatnd, and I want him to love me again and to be with me. people say i should just play along and be his friend for a while then hell realize what he missed. What should I do?

Wildcat21 · Mar 30, 2005, 12:14 PM

Age old problem - People want what they can't have.

You became to needy - too clingy.

You may FEEL those feelings - BUT, don't express them. Don't SAY IT - SHow it!!!!

You also should hate him for bring up the strip joints - sure guys go for their jollys - BUT, under NO circumstances should he ever mention that to you. You should have been completely angry with him and with draw for a few days. Put him in his place - NEVER be agreeable - ever! Don't allow that.

You need to be come more unavailalble. Don't answer his calls - don't return them right away. Break a date. Be more mysterious - you can't surrender completely - actually forever. If he wants to see you Friday - say no - maybe SUnday.

You surrendered to this guy - and expressed your feelings too soon. For some reason, most people get freaked out when you say you miss them.

BECOME LESS AVAILBALE!!! Don't be soo needy - work, see your friends, work out etc.

Don't be so nice to him. Don't miss him as much.

Sounds like kind of a complete jerk for bring up strip clubs.

Goto this website: it will explain a lot: www.lovetactics.com

kaboodles · Mar 30, 2005, 04:06 PM

so should i ignore the guy and play hard to get, or should i try and be his friend and hope that he will begin realizing that he does have feelings a hopefully hellw ant a relationship, or should i just forget him altogether

Wildcat21 · Mar 30, 2005, 07:43 PM

It's not called hard to get - it's called being less/unavailable.

Being friends is risky - too available.

You have surrendered to him. You keep telling him how you feel. It's too early for that.

These aren't games I mention - it's part of life.

Being needy clingy, agreeable, GIVING UP ALL YOUR POWER, etc.

It's time for a tactiful withdrawal. He will come back.

Basically you need a life away from your boyfriend - I think this game became TOO MUCH of your life and thoughts - am I right?

Being less availalble really works, because he stated he doesn't want to date you.

Read the Love Tactics articles.

kaboodles · Mar 30, 2005, 09:55 PM

See thats where the problem comes in, he is confusing me, he has come to me and told em he wants to be with me, and i want to be with him, but we cant be together, how does that work?
I am planning on making myself less available too him, i am not going to beg for him or try to win him back, im backing off and when he gets abck after this ski competition, ill get together with him as friends alogn with all our friends and I wont elt him see that I want him back, and hopefully like you say, suddenly making myself less available, will work

Wildcat21 · Mar 31, 2005, 07:12 AM

Yes - do that - don't answer his calls - and don't return them right away while he is gone. You need to make it like your life will go on fine without him.

You need to ALWAYS put a little mystery into your relationship. I think you surrender - meaning telling him too much on how you felt.

Make him 'wonder' - 'make him miss you' especially while he is gone. (these are women's terms)

You can salvage this so easily by changing how you deal with him - you will feel a lot better as a result.

The REAL key is concentrating on OTHER things and not worrying about this. Do not worry about this. Concentrate on work, school (if you're in school), friends, family, hobbies - get this out of your mind.

For me it's ALWAYS hit the gym for a few hours a day - gets my mind off relationship problems AND I start to look even better. TWO benefits.

You need to change your frame of mind on this. ALSO - might not be a bad idea to start looking for Mr. Right. This guy seems to be Mr. Right Now.

Again - just my thoughts - I know you, being a woman, needs to spend time thinking through this.

Wildcat21 · Mar 31, 2005, 07:15 AM

Oh yeah - play his game - confuse him. If he brings this up again, just say "what ever you want to do, we can still be friends" - this KILLS guys, kills them - I know.

kaboodles · Mar 31, 2005, 08:58 AM

Well hopefully hell even try to call me or make contact. I just dont getwhats going on with him right now, I havent made contact with him since he broke it off.
But i am trying tot ake my mind off it and han gout with friends. The weird thing is most of his friends are my friends, so tonight im getting together with one of our guy friends.

Its really stupid, hes trying to get everyones attention and trying to make them feel bad for him, like hes the victim here. Hes trying to make it seem like he was only doing what was right and now the worlds collapsing cuz im upset. I mean come on of course im upset u just broke up wiith me.

Wildcat21 · Mar 31, 2005, 10:56 AM

No offense hun, but do you really want to be with this guy if he is doing that? and the strip club thing?

kaboodles · Mar 31, 2005, 04:30 PM

The strip club thing was assy, but i have told him before im fine with him going to them. Its just reallt weird cuz its like he doesnt know what he wants, whether or not he wants to be dating or not, he just suddenly made a split second sudden decision to brek it off.



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