Hi you guys.

Thanks for all your help on the previous post (Insecurity Guy) . As it turned out we have seen each other a week later. We went out to a cafe and had a good time with her, at certain points I could tell she was on the verge of saying she wanted to break up with me.

Anyways we left the cafe, went to a bar where they had Kareoke and watched all these people sing, we had a couple of beers and we were joking around talking I made her smile a couple of times and I was joking around singing all the Boyz II Men songs to her making her laugh some more.

Towards the end of the night she started holding my hand some more, getting closer our body language was. So we stop at a park nearby and talk for a while and she told me that she was going to break up with me. Then I told her that I was fine with that.

She basically told me she wants to be friends, because she wants to find out who she is(?) and I get that, I mean i met her and she always told me that she has no ambition, she has no direction. I told her that when she says that to me, I hear her telling me that she wants to be ambitious and wants direction.

She currently is out of work and is not studying but in the last week has made her mind up that this is the way she wants to go with study and all.

So I have told her all I want for her is to be happy, and that will make me happy. I also said that I like spending time with her and I wish to continue to do so and she said thats what she wants also.

So now i'm a bit confused as to what will happen, I mean i want this girl really bad but she was telling me things like I dont mind if you see other girls, but dont wait around for me but we are going out this weekend?

All in all I will wait around till she finds herself, but I have to be true to myself too, and if we keep going out and having a great time minus the kissing and stuff as previous I am going to fall for her and thats the point where I will have to simply say Look this is how I feel and we can't go past this part or I will be hurt very badly, I need to know how you feel.

I dont see this happening for another month or so but I am sure it will happen

Though now I dont know what to do, should I persue her, should I ring her and ask her how she is going during the week, should I send her flowers, or should I just ignore all of the above i want to do and act as though I am seeing other girls and she is just one of the lucky few?

I dont know Please help!

Wildcat21

Dude - DON'T go into friends mode with her. Do not. It's great to be friend with her - most LT-relatinships are built on that. BUT, not girl-friend mode - quit talking with her about her problems - that' for her friends to talk to her about.

You need to strategically withdraw. STOP calling her!!!! You should NOT iniate anymore contact. I would break the date for Saturday - at the last minute WITHOUT a reason why.

AND - when you think a girl might be breaking up - get the hell out of there!!!! No calls, no contact. Make her miss you.

Here is the problem with most guys - WHEN we're thinking she is going to break up with us, we come on way too strong. WHEN we should be backing off and giving them space. Women's feelings can change like the wind.

I thionk you were in her face too much recently - I have to believe that. There is no need to call a woman every day - quit e-mailing, texting etc. LESS is MORE with woman - OK? It doesn't make sense - but less contact is MORE!!!

That night she broke up with you - you should have gotten the hell out of there - just say you were having a bad time and go home - immediately. Guys can sense a break up and the we try harder. Stop that!

You would have totally freaked her out.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE! You were to involved with her.

Again - no contact from you. If she calls, don't be a sick puppy and answer right away - call her back the next day. You need t obecoem less avaialble to her.

And get out of the friends MODE. I bet you were on the phone with her for along time listening to her problems.

And please NO flowers!!!!

Irishgirl

Totally agree with wildcat. Coming from a girls point of view she's pushing you way to far. Girls sometimes don't wanna go out with fellas anymore but we like the contact and it's nice knowing that someone fancies you so you keep them around, usually on our terms. I promise you if this girl is like most girls she will panic the first time your not there to pick up the pieces or offer advice and listen to her problems!! Make her miss you and she should come running, if your going to be her fall back she'll just use you. Oh n definately no presents of any kind!!! Wait, don't call,text,e-mail, she will really miss you, you sound to nice to be treated like this.

Swotkie

thank you Irishgirl and Wildcat,

what I am doing now, I thought was kind of harsh but Irishgirl, you gave me a better understanding as to why I am doing it. Maybe this relationship is gone but hell i'm going out this weekend to bars and going to talk to people without her and see how she likes it when I'm not around to take her out and pay her way. Thank you very much guys!

Wildcat21

YES! Do that!!!! - NO CONTACT!!!

YOU HAVE to show emotional independence....meaning, your life will go on fine without her - OK?

If you have to suck it up. I know over the weekend you will want to contact her - HAVE someone else to call.

She sounds like she will come running back. You were just WAY too available for her - STOP THAT!!!

And no more girl talk! Ok? You're not her girl friend - you are her boy friend. Boy friend ALWAYS = FUN!!!! She needs to remember FUN!!! - if she starts talking about problems, I know this hard, but just listen - don't solve her problems. I've even gone as far saying - "you should talk this over with your girlfirends - I am not good at this" - or even "You're boring me"