Ok, I have this friend, he's like one of my best friends, meaning he talks to me all the time and he can be an idiot, but I forgive him, cause I know I'm not always the nicest person in the world to him. I don't know what he really wants to say because he says he doesn't like me more than friends, and I really really like him. I have for three years, which he claims he didn't know, but I told him at least ten times over the course of three years. And well, he always teases me and he mentions us doing stuff together all the time, but he never does. And when people tease about him and I going out, he blushes... and everyone thinks he likes me, they tell me it's so obvious. And I really thought he did too, because he willl grab my hands and arms and poke me and try to get me to chase him. He's so flirtatious. And it really hurts me to be friends with him because he just asked this otehr girl to prom who doesn't go to our school, but I had said I might ask someone else before he asked her. So I don't know what's up. I told him I didn't want to hang out anymore cause it hurts, cause I like him. and I told him I didn't want to be friends, and he was like, no, we should. and he followed me around at school. He's always like this. I just don't understand him. Then when he finds out I'm upset about him going to prom with this girl, he tells me not to worry because they are only going as friends... He says one thing but he does others... and he's just so contradicting... what does he want? Does he like me or not!?

Jayjay027

It sounds to me like he's happy being just friends with you, and he is only flirtatious by nature.
If you've been telling him you like him for 3 years and he still hasnt taken the hint - it just seems like he's not interested in you in THAT way.

Have you actually told him out right that you like him like that? Have you actually said "hey listen, I really like you, I think we could be more than friends" ??
If you have, and its still this way, then he doesnt want you as anything other than a friend.

GlazedDonut05

Ok... I forgot to mention that this guy did not answer me when I asked him if he liked me... he just said, "that's not the point, the point is that you are my friend." He's real skiddish... and yeah, he is afraid to lose friendship, which I can understand, but why does he have to be such a chicken.

fredg

Hi, Glazed,
He is telling you, in so many words, that he is not in love with you, and doesn't want you for a girlfriend; only seeing you and no one else. He wants to stay friends only.
If a boy doesn't tell you he "likes you", it doesn't mean he is a chicken. It simply means he doesn't "like you" or is in "love" with you. He just wants you as a friend.
If you really care for this person, and he is not returning your love, then you have to decide to either make a change (like move on), or just be friends with him. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

talaniman

You should accept his friendship and realize that he doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him so respect his position and back-off the romance thing! This doesn't mean you have to hang-out all the time because you have to get over his rejection of your offers of affection beyond friendship so hang out with other people and do things you enjoy with others, who knows maybe your absence will make his heart grow fonder!

Chery

Dear Glazed, at the age group you both are in, it's easier to treat each other like 'brother and/or sister' to learn how to communicate with the 'opposite sex', and is considered by most to be the 'safest' way to learn how to get closer to them.

You should let him be the friend he wants to be and give him space to grow, as you are growing also, and maybe just a tad faster than he is. You might want to learn how to 'get closer' but he's not ready. You should not pressure him into something he's not ready for yet and let him develop at his own pace.


It's refreshing when a young man keeps his distance and is still 'playful', instead of a 'grabber' like most. You've been friends for three years, and you'll be friends a lot longer if you both gradually grow into adulthood. You might find each other attractive in some way, but he does not know how to deal with it yet, so give him time.

Don't be frustrated at him, he's treating you a lot more respectful than some other guy who thinks he's a gift to women and tries to get you to go further than you would be ready to.

So, you see, it's not only girls who feel pressure, guys do too, and they get scared off just as quick as we girls do.


I wish you all the luck in the world growing up and learning about life's adventures, and hope you keep it safe.

Please stay in touch with us and keep us posted, we are here 24/7.

milliec

well, to begin with, he's not a chicken; maybe just being tactful, taking care of your feelings.
on the other hand, there are some points in your 1st post which made me agree with Chery: he has feelings he might not feel comfortable to admit. friendship, being a feeling he's familiar with, seems safer. he's teasing - sometimes, that what people who more than "like" the other, do.
the fact that he's asked the other girl, might have to do with him not being sure what is it that he's feeling.
be patient, give him time, enjoy what is there now, and don't make him go further than what he can right now. the best romantic relationships are based on a great friendships - so make this friendship strong.
a relationship which is more than friendship, will happen only when BOTH of you are ready for it.
Good luck,
Millie

s_cianci

Well, you complain that he's so contradicting but you yourself admitted two major things: first, you've said that "I'm not always the nicest person in the world to him." Secondly, you said that "I might ask someone else before he asked her." It sounds like you're giving him as many mixed messages as he's giving you. That's probably why he's being so guarded and not "diving right in." He probably needs some reassurance that you're sincere and worth having a relationship with. Stop mistreating him, first of all. Secondly, stop doing and saying things that suggest that you're interested in other people. If you've already invited this other person to the prom and he's accepted I don't recommend that you now renege. However, after that I'd have a heart-to-heart talk with this guy about exactly how you feel and what you want with him. Apologize for any past wrongdoings. If he insists that he still just wants to hang out as friends then tell him that you don't want that and will no longer be doing that. Then keep your word. I can't predict what way this will go but you've let yourself get stuck in the middle and that's not good. You need to let yourself have closure one way or another. You're obviously not happy with the current arrangement so you've got to resolve it.

GlazedDonut05

ok... in response to this... I also said that he could be an idiot... you make him sound like the innocent victim, and he's not. And how do I mistreat him? I do stuff for him all the time, he's the one who uses me like a doormat and then when I try to break out, he says, oh, I was just kidding. He has gotten better though, cause he'll sometimes like put my stuff away for me or something... idk. w/e

s_cianci

I'm just alluding to your own words. You're the one calling him an "idiot." It's not that he's an innocent victim ; I'm just encouraging you to be responsible for your part in things, where your words and actions are concerned. You can't control his words and actions (or anyone else's for that matter) but you can control your own. That's why I advised you to stop any game playing on your end of things, then confront him with what you want and if he doesn't respond in kind, then bail out and stay away for good ; don't be taken in by "I was just kidding" or any other pleading. Be responsible for your own actions but also hold him responsible for his.