so here's the deal:

i entered college midyear. during my first week, i met this incredibly nice & cute guy. we hit it off. we spent hours just talking in his room. he drove me to the bookstore to get my books. we went out for fast food a couple times.

things got complicated when he decided to make a move late one friday night when we were walking around campus. he told me he /really/ liked me and asked if he could kiss me. i freaked out (don't ask me why) and said 'no'. so we sat down on a bench where we cuddled and talked for hours. he walked me back to my dorm room and we hugged goodbye. the next day, we both stayed behind while our mutual friends went out. we ended up kissing in his dorm room. but that's all.

all of a sudden he started acting wierd. evidently, he realized with the kiss that he was still in love with his ex (great timing eh?). she's still in hs and has a new boyfriend whom she is love with. she broke up with him three months ago because she wanted to explore more and felt too much like they were 'married'. he still thinks the plan is to get back together and married eventually once they've explored. he told me some of this the next morning (other of it i gathered from him during other convos) and said we should just be friends.

being good friends lasted for about a week. that weekend he got sick with the flu and went home. we talked briefly on im several times (always me iming first). he came back, but i didn't really see him at all for the next week. i stopped by once, but conversation was stilted and he rushed off to the gym.

so this weekend, i ran in to him one afternoon and chatted with him breifly. i ended up asking him about the distance. he denied acting any differently. i told him that it seemed like he didn't want to hang out anymore. he said he was just 'living life' (what kind of answer is that?!).

the next night, after a party, a bunch of my girls were hanging out in his room so i was there. he was a little drunk and flirting with a prospective student. he was also giving all the girls hugs when they walked in, but not me. he barely made eye contact and never spoke to me directly. there was a new guy there (a friend of one of the girls that nobody else really knew) so i made conversation with him. my game was thrown off though by the other guy's actions. at dinner last night, he was very awkward when we were the only ones at the table. he was much more interactive with two other girls that he barely knows.

one of our mutual friends has told me about how he'll be distant for about a week and then start acting normal again. but it seems like he's just shutting me out, not everyone. with all our mutual friends, it's hard to not be around him. and every time i'm around him, i seethe at the fact that he's so jumpy, distant, and uninterested.

of course, i still have a thing for him. and i can handle just being friends. but why is he shutting me out? how should i deal? help!

(and yes i do know that i wrote a lot, but it's therapeutic to just get it all out on 'paper'. )

Amun Ra

annalou:

two words of advice for u: Move on!! i believe that the attraction on his end of the relationship was that u were the 'new girl' on campus. and his response of 'living life' was that u were just going to be another notch on the bedpost. when u were not so easy to put out, he shut out. get over him, he is not worth ur affection. concentrate on ur studies for now, because u have to think about urself first. Mr Right will come along when ur ready, dont worry about that

igottogonow

Remember why you are in college, maybe to get an education, it's kind of expensive to go there for a relationship. Enjoy your time there, enjoy it with your friends and remember SAFELY surf the field, don't be quick and easy. People are so eager to hook up with someone they forget to live life.

greenopal56

omg, seriously..i just read your question (dont worry it wasnt long) and I had the exact same problem last semester! someone I knew from one of my lectures asked me out randomly and we went on a date, (nothing happened though, we just pecked). He told me that he was still into his ex, and that he thought that she missed him. I asked him if he missed her and he said yes, than later he told me NO WAY.. what what??he thought that we were going to "hook up", but i told him that we'd have to be in a relationship. He said he wanted to stay friends with me, but afterwards he just started acting distant. Just like you i wanted to stay friends (because i figured that i really liked him, so friends was better than never talking to him at all, and maybe if i was lucky he'd change his mind and want to get into a more serious relationship); and i would try to IM him, and he answered but he'd always ask about my other friends aka girls that could possibly make a better hookup than me.

anyways, i decided for a while that I wouldnt IM him, id wait for him to talk to me (because if he really did like me like he said, he would want to talk to me right?). Well, later my suitemate told me that he started IMing her, and that he told her i tried to put the moves on him, but he told me no!!! what the heck?!

coming to my point, I really liked the guy but i saw that he was only interested in one thing ( an easy hookup). this guy that you really like must like you too (but when i say like, i mean he finds you attractive and a likable person), but either hes still into his ex, or hes just trying to "reap his oats" if you know what I mean. The best thing you can do is just forget about him and wait for someone more deserving of you. It took me a while to forget the guy that i liked, but i eventually did, and believe me i was wayyy better off (i realized later that he had a really big head..plus he has a huge nose prone to nosebleeds..uhh ew?) You may not see it now, but dont worry there are tons of guys out there dying to meet a fantastic girl like you. so just relax, forget bozo, just go out on some dates and enjoy single life while its there, because you dont realize how much you miss it until its gone, lol.

hope this helped

greenopal56

PS just for the info the stuff i told you about the guy i had a similar problem with, our date and all the other stuff, happened withing a span of 3 months, lol.