codepedency? Does it have anything to do with my breakup?
Hi I just realized a new word. codependency I was shocked to find that i fit some of the features.
What are some of the symptoms?
controlling behavior
distrust
perfectionism
avoidance of feelings
intimacy problems
caretaking behavior
hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger)
physical illness related to stress
I have felt some of these once i suspected something was going wrong( she was cheating and she did it a few years earlier) I forgave her the first time and never controlled or brought it up again. 100% trust. Then The second time, I had suspected but no proof. I started being controlling( i was right about my gut feeling in the first place).
Overcourse during that time there was distrust.
I am a bit of a perfectionist, Not all the time.
I don't avoid feeling. I state them openly. I believe in if you don't mean don't say it and always tell the truth good or bad.
I don't avoid feeling. That was her department. ( she said her household you kept everything in and never cry)
Caregiving behavior. I am not sure. I do like to take care of things and be the one people rely on.
Hypervigilante, a scarry word. I did have anger towards the guy and we exchanged and threatened each other. After a few weeks it was gone. I thought i would still be pissed. I hope it stays gone. I hate being mad. I like to be happy and joke around. Most time i try to believe "Don't get mad at the things you cannot control in life"
Physical illness, I only had the stress parts, don't eat as often, don't sleep all night, Break out the first little bit.
Now i am not sure if i am trying to fit myself a into this or if its part true. I know sometimes people can get confused and read into things. Like a horoscope it can mean a dozen different things.
Codependant people are usually like this when they have absolutely no reason to be. You've encountered problems with this girl before, and thus you have reason to be suspect. I'm sure i could fit the bill for some of the characteristics of a child molesting serial killer, when in reality i'm just a regular serial killer. (kidding) Don't concern yourself with things like this, she cheated on you, that's a reflection on her character, not yours.
I have answered all of these as yes. I am still reading up on them.
Codependency - The Questions
Do you find yourself making decisions based on other people's opinions?
Is it important to you that people like you and want to be your friend?
Do you have a strong desire to help others, but deep down you know you do it so that they will like or love you?
Do you seem to notice everyone else's problems and have a need to tell them what you think they should do to solve them?
Do you feel anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, or do things the way you want them to do them?
Do you find yourself in relationships where you do all the giving and the other person does all the taking?
Are you involved in activities that demand all of your time and energy and you are neglecting your family or yourself?
I think you think to much. Perfectionist and details will be your downfall because your trying to put a label on everything. Your going to drive yourself mad, or is that what you want. I feel sorry that this is the way your dealing with the breakup, but I can see why it has happened as well. Like I said before if the trust was not broken in the first place I do not think any of these questions would be in your head. Stop looking for blame and JUST ACCEPT IT.
Dude, look up symptoms of emotional abuse and tell me you don't fit the bill for some of them too. They're all vague and generalized questions. I'm pretty far from codependant, and i could answer yes to all these questions at times. If it really bothers you that much, go see a counselor. I don't think that it's your problem, but let a professional make that call for you. Hey, i just thought about that, and letting somebody else make a decision for you is a sign of codependance. You'd better stay away from those professionals!
I'm kidding about the last part, but i seriously think this is just an overreaction as your way of figuring out why your ex's problems were your fault.
I'm kidding about the last part, but i seriously think this is just an overreaction as your way of figuring out why your ex's problems were your fault.[/quote]
I am begining to thing that i have way too much time on my hands. I am fine when i am out but when its the quiet times. i guess i think to much at those times. Somethimes you just have to talk things out to realize things. I can be my own worse enemy. Time is relative!
This is a natural phase of a breakup. When i hit mine, i thought i was emotionally abusive and controlling, you can even read the thread about it if you want. The reality is that you're gonna suffer for a while and think things like this, but you're right, talking them out helps tremendously. Just take it as it comes.
I have to say. I stumbled on this site yesterday. Looking for answers. I am finding comfort,its filling some extra time not thinking directly about her. I am glad to know this is helping and i will stick with it reading and posting.
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