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my boyfriend of 5 months seems to be what i always wished my boyfriend would be, he i respectful towards me, he is always being nice to me and trying to make sure im happy, he always tells me how beautiful i am, and he was a virgin when he mt me..which is one reason i think hes like this. when i met him i really fancied him, and because he wouldnt even try to touch or kiss me and i felt like i had a chase going, but now i have all his attention and respect and love and i'm getin bored. Is there any way to cure this? will it get better with time? or is it always going to be like this. i feel like theres somehing wrong with me, i wish i had a horrible man who'd treat me badly, just to get away from being worshipped all the time.he's everything that women seem to be wishing for in their men, why am i UNHAPPY at having a nice boyfriend? am i a total biitch or something?
I have confronted him about this an tried to be really understanding and nice to him, but it hasnt worked, he just takes it personally. He does try to be less clingy but i can tel that he's deliberately refraining from kissing me etc, and he still watches me in admiration while im asleep or doing something so it really hasnt make things any better. I do love him and want to be with him, but right now im dreaming of being single or with someone who'l keep me on my toes. I dont want to end up splitting up with him and hurting him.
The cure would be maturity. It won't get better until you appreciate what you have and return the respect he is giving you.
I don't think you are different. This sort of thing happens all the time.
The way this will play out is that you will continue to get bored. You will decide to dump him or he will get enough and leave. A few years down the road when you are with the other guy who will be beating the crap out of you, you'll look back and wonder, "How could I possible have dumped that guy who worshiped be back in 2008?"
Then, you'll come back to this site or one like it and tell a bunch of anonymous people how tough you life is and they will give you some kind suggestions and you'll feel better...but you won't mention the nice guy you screwed over.
I do agree with rodandy on a lesser extreme facet.
I was that nice guy that you're talking about. I was madly in love with a girl...we dated for 3 years...and I worshiped the ground she walked on. I tried my hardest to make sure she was happy....and about 3.5 years into it, she upped and left me for some guy who I would like to say..is a d-bag. Really. He treats his girlfriends (in the past) like dirt...and my girlfriend went to him.
Needless to say...tough cookies for her.
It's a tough situation that you're in. You want him to change, but I really doubt that he will...so this can end two ways. You either dump him...and as rodandy said, chances are, 5 - 10 years down the road you'll look back and regret that you left a guy who treated you like a queen...or you'll learn to appreciate him and give him the same respect.
Maybe you can't thuroughly appreciate what he has to offer because you haven't experienced the other side of the coin? I don't know your experiences so that's just a guess. How old are the two of you?
Also...it's only been 5 months. The honeymoon period. The time when it's all lovey dovey. Sooner or later it will cool down. No one can maintain perfection for long.
5 months is not a long time, and if your bored and communicating hasn't helped, maybe the attraction isn't strong enough to sustain this relationship any longer. Sometimes two people don't click enough, but stay because they have gotten comfortable, or afraid of being alone. Only you know how you feel, and can make a decision about your future with this guy.
maybe i should elablorate..
we met when i was 20 and he was 19, but now hes 20 and iv just turned 21. iv had 2 previous relationships, the first guy isnt even worth mentioning he had an anger problem and i left him after a year. the second guy was very opinionated and arrogant, and made me feel neglected a lot of the time, and i spent a lot of time crying. I eventually gave him an ultimatum..be nice to me or i'd dump him, he changed an stated being a lot nicer because he realised i was serious, but i suddenly didn love him anymore and i dumped him after a year aswell. both my exes regretted being like that and wanted me back. Now i feel like the tables have turned. He's a really nice guy but i cant seem to get used to how clingy he is. I'm always nice to him, and i'd never cheat on him although i dont mind flirting with other guys. I always thought i wanted my exes to be nice to me, but now im just so confused. My now bf will do really nice things for me, like if i ever want something he'll do it for me, and he always runs to my side whenever im upset or anything. But the clingy things are Stuff like reading my phone, kissing me CONSTANTLY, texting and phoning me all the time,and once when we were both on separate nights out, he left his friends and just showed up drunk in the bar i was in because he missed me so much (having not seen me for about 4 hours) Also, he's always apologising for things, and if i have a problem with him, he'll always agree and say how awful he's een to me.
I'd really appreciate honest answers, good or bad, baceause even the bad ones might prevent me from doing something i'll regret.
Also thanks to everyone who's posted so far.
He doesn't challenge you, or keep you on your toes. More like a loyal pet. He's a young nice guy who will do anything to please you. You hate that, and wish he were more ..........................whats the word................? BAD sometimes. Take charge? Willing to oppose you? Put you in check? Am I way off?
mafiaangel, i have confronted him but he wil only apoloise and take it peronally and i hate to see him unhappy. And talaniman, i think you're bang on, but is that weird? i just feel like slapping him into being his own person and not trying to impress me all the time. I'v told him this but he says he IS his own person and isnt trying to impress me and that he simply WANTS to be nice to me all the time becaue i havent done anything wrong that would make him NOT be nice to me. The only time i admire and respect him now is when he's playing guitar because thats something that he is amazing at and that he enjoys as much as being with me. It's just hard to TELL someone to take control and disagree with you sometimes without them obviously disagreeing with things just to be obeying you...!
No, it's not weird for wanting someone to not be so "easy." It's good you talked to him. But apologizing doesn't really get anyone anywhere as long as he keeps doing it. Maybe you can set things into motion by NOT letting him go through your phone. It's ok to tell him no. Don't answer all of his calls. If he questions you about your new behavior, tell him you already told him about the clinginess. You obviously just require more space than what he does. If he's worth it to you, maybe you guys can meet in the middle somewhere.
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