I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I found out I was pregnant after three months, and miscarried. We ended up moving in together two weeks after the miscarriage happened. There have been a lot of instances where he has put his hands on me, and a few where he has caused quite a bit of damage. We got into a bad place, and we've both decided to step back to try to fix things. Financially - it wasn't best for us to keep our apartment, so I moved home, and he moved in with his sister. We continued to fight like crazy, and I found comfort in talking to a friend of mine that is in the army and in Iraq. When my friend came home on leave, I spent a lot of time with him, and we ended up sleeping together. The problem is - my boyfriend and I have been doing very good, and I'm very happy. My friend that I slept with - was jealous of my relationship with my boyfriend -- so he decided to send AIM conversations, pictures, and a video of me kissing him -- to my boyfriend. I denied sleeping with this guy, but my boyfriend wont speak to me. He cried all day long, and I feel terrible. But, now he's back to being angry. He put his hands on me today. It was the first time in months. This is one time where I understand why he did it. I'm not this kind of girl. I love my boyfriend. I feel terrible for what I did, and terrible for the way that I hurt him. This happened back at the beginning of September and it is now mid October -- Please tell me how I can make this right with him....
You need to be honest with him and yourself (although if you are already being physically abused then you probably cannot safely have the conversation).
I agree. There's NO reason for physical abuse. NONE! Leave him, move on, and try to gain a healthy perspective on relationships (either through counseling or through finding someone that doesn't hit you).
He s abusive so you stay away from this toxic relationship.
Noone deserves to be treated the way he treats you for whatever reason.
Physical abuse tends to escalate and you could find yourself in real danger.
Find a way to move on and dont look back.
You really need to leave them both alone as they both are using your feelings against you, for their own purposes.
The facts that you accept this bad behavior from them, and think its your fault, is a red flag you need to pay attention to.
This is a sign you don't love yourself enough, and the only way you will is to get away from them both and heal, and learn to love yourself enough to not be treated badly by any one, for any reason.
I really appreciate these answers. I'm just not sure that I want to listen to the advice even though I know it makes sense. When I slept with this guy --- that was in the beginning of September. My boyfriend and I really started talking in a more productive way about a week later. I didn't have the heart to tell him, and I was scared to. Talaniman's response kinda hits it head on -- I do completely blame myself for their bad behavior -- but the way I see it is -- I cheated -- I need to deal with the consequences. If I know 100% within me that I would never cheat again -- is there anyway of salvaging my relationship with my boyfriend? Even if it IS toxic, even if there ARE these red flags -- I love him, I don't want to lose him..
hello, in abusive relationships,and you are in an abusive relationships,there is a control element, in yours,your boyfriend holds the power,when you cheated and he found out,he realised he did not have enough power over you not to cheat,im not condoning your cheating,but i find mostly women who are with men who hit them,are normally afraid to do anything to upset the status que.
the guy you cheated with,if you look closely,will probably have the same type of charactors in his personality as your boyfriend...you keep picking the same guy.
saying this is a toxic relationship,is just going to go in one ear and out the other,untill YOU realise that you have to break this cycle,you will continue to have abusive and toxic relationships,and continue to pick the same type of man.
he will not stop hitting you...how many times has it been? more then once.
im afraid the only advice i can give you will echo the other responces..
untill you have suffered enough,untill YOU see what is before your eyes you wont leave,and this behaviour from him will never stop.
Reality Check, and it may come off as really harsh!
Are you crazy?? You cheated because a guy was knocking you upside your head, and you needed to feel love.
He will get pissed, or angry again, and knock you around again.
Now drop this NONSENSE about consequences and take time to get healthy, and happy, so you can have a positive adult experience, and get blessings, not consequences.
This behavior will only escalate and one day you will find yourself in a hospital bed fighting for your life.
That is ,if you are lucky enough to survive.
You are allowing this to happen and you need to respect yourself and never allow this.
You need to get out now and you need to protect yourself when you make that known to your BF.The most dangerous time for an abused person is when they try to leave their abuser.
Get out now my dear and honor yourself.You never should justify abuse.He is out of control and it will only get worse.
I have been there and I can assure you,I am telling you the truth.You have no future with an abuser!
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