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I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I found out I was pregnant after three months, and miscarried. We ended up moving in together two weeks after the miscarriage happened. There have been a lot of instances where he has put his hands on me, and a few where he has caused quite a bit of damage. We got into a bad place, and we've both decided to step back to try to fix things. Financially - it wasn't best for us to keep our apartment, so I moved home, and he moved in with his sister. We continued to fight like crazy, and I found comfort in talking to a friend of mine that is in the army and in Iraq. When my friend came home on leave, I spent a lot of time with him, and we ended up sleeping together. The problem is - my boyfriend and I have been doing very good, and I'm very happy. My friend that I slept with - was jealous of my relationship with my boyfriend -- so he decided to send AIM conversations, pictures, and a video of me kissing him -- to my boyfriend. I denied sleeping with this guy, but my boyfriend wont speak to me. He cried all day long, and I feel terrible. But, now he's back to being angry. He put his hands on me today. It was the first time in months. This is one time where I understand why he did it. I'm not this kind of girl. I love my boyfriend. I feel terrible for what I did, and terrible for the way that I hurt him. This happened back at the beginning of September and it is now mid October -- Please tell me how I can make this right with him....
Cat1864 ---- He's never hit me for things like dinner not being warm enough, or too much foam with his beer. He judges me for my past. He would get angry and jealous for those I have been with before him. He's the fifth person I've been with -- him -- 20+ --- But, because he is 6 1/2 years older than me, he thinks he is justified in his actions. It's always about me - never about him. I made the mistake when we were first dating to think that making myself sound "more experienced" would make him like me more -- and instead, all it did was cause him not to respect me. I always could tell when things would get physical when the conversation would turn to my past. He's just so jealous about it..
Cat1864 ---- He's never hit me for things like dinner not being warm enough, or too much foam with his beer. He judges me for my past. He would get angry and jealous for those I have been with before him. He's the fifth person I've been with -- him -- 20+ --- But, because he is 6 1/2 years older than me, he thinks he is justified in his actions. It's always about me - never about him. I made the mistake when we were first dating to think that making myself sound "more experienced" would make him like me more -- and instead, all it did was cause him not to respect me. I always could tell when things would get physical when the conversation would turn to my past. He's just so jealous about it..
The problem is that you seem to think he is justified in even raising a hand to you. He isn't. NO MAN IS.
He has no right to punish you for your past or lack of it. He doesn't respect you. He has convinced you not to respect yourself.
What are you doing ImessedUp? You continue to make the same mistakes, possibly again. Sorry, I don't have any sympathy for you. Stop making excuses for an abusive man. You need to get professional help, before you are dead. Or do you think that can't happen to you?
I think he has more self control than that... Back in December he ended up getting arrested because of something he did to me. I called because I was scared -- just said that he was being mean and wanted him to leave, the cops didn't buy that -- and took him anyway. I lied in court. He didn't end up in jail or anything ---- has to take domestic abuse classes every week... I think they're helping.....
He wouldn't kill me. He loves me. Before he found out that I cheated, he hadn't put a hand on me since July. I know that's not that long, but it was a step in the right direction... since the first time that he did it we never went two weeks without SOMETHING happening. That's why I feel this is my fault this time. I gave him something HUGE to be mad about, and he warned me... I feel responsible.
The person who s at the receiving end of domestic abuse starts to lose their selfesteem and begin to think its their fault.
He HITS you-you need to leave him.
He wouldnt kill you because he loves you-if he loved you he wouldnt hit you.
And you stood up in court and lied for him? You really need to get out get counselling and reclaim your life-we re all of us here saying the same thing.
Please listen to us.
Cat1864 ---- He's never hit me for things like dinner not being warm enough, or too much foam with his beer. He judges me for my past. He would get angry and jealous for those I have been with before him. He's the fifth person I've been with -- him -- 20+ --- But, because he is 6 1/2 years older than me, he thinks he is justified in his actions. It's always about me - never about him. I made the mistake when we were first dating to think that making myself sound "more experienced" would make him like me more -- and instead, all it did was cause him not to respect me. I always could tell when things would get physical when the conversation would turn to my past. He's just so jealous about it..
I really hope that you take this in the spirit of constructive criticism: You're being brain washed. Look at your screen name, "I messed up". He's the weasel that thinks that he can prove his manliness by beating his girlfriend. A real man sits down with the woman he loves and talks to her with respect and care. He's making you think its your fault. That's weak. If he cannot handle your past, then maybe he needs to date another girl (maybe a virgin), maybe someone that beats HIM. You need to move on, this relationship is toxic. You are defending his actions because he has taught you to, he has made you think its your fault. It's not your fault, he's weak, he doesn't deserve you. He WILL become worse, it will NOT get better. Get out while you still can. Please.
I really hope that you take this in the spirit of constructive criticism: You're being brain washed. Look at your screen name, "I messed up". He's the weasel that thinks that he can prove his manliness by beating his girlfriend. A real man sits down with the woman he loves and talks to her with respect and care. He's making you think its your fault. That's weak. If he cannot handle your past, then maybe he needs to date another girl (maybe a virgin), maybe someone that beats HIM. You need to move on, this relationship is toxic. You are defending his actions because he has taught you to, he has made you think its your fault. It's not your fault, he's weak, he doesn't deserve you. He WILL become worse, it will NOT get better. Get out while you still can. Please.
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