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SSE08 · Oct 16, 2008, 01:20 PM

PLEASE HELP! I have been tearing myself apart for the past few day about this one. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, and we plan on getting married. His is The One. =]
However, my best friend and I have been BFF's for over 8 years. One night, while visiting him at college, we had sex. It was make up sex because we had recently been fighting. We had been fighting about how my boyfriend and I were extremely serious and he was jealous that he would never be able to get with me.
I am not going to lie, I have always wondered what it would be like to have sex with him.
So we did it, and my boyfriend is MUCH better in bed.
I'm glad that we did it, so I no know what its like to be with him, however I tell my boyfriend EVERYTHING. So I feel as if I should tell him about what happened but I'm afraid he well get mad and break up with me. If he doesn't break up with me, than he will forbid me from seeing my best friend; which both are completely understandable.
If I don't tell my boyfriend, then I still need to tell someone just to get it out and feel better. So I would tell my closest girl friend. I think she would be able to keep it a secret from my boyfriend.

I just don't know what to do next AND I feel absolutely terrible!

Romefalls19 · Oct 16, 2008, 01:24 PM

I hope he gets mad and breaks up with you! You feel no remorse at all, you claim you did then say you're glad you did it. You made a mistake, come clean and accept whatever punishment that comes. And if he does stay with you, you should cut off contact with that guy out of respect.

Personally, I would be gone. This doesn't sound like love at all, and to say he is the one but you want to sleep with other ones isn't convincing that a workable marriage is in the future.

ANB428 · Oct 16, 2008, 01:26 PM

I would tell him before he finds out from someone else. He would be even madder if her heard it from anyone else. You shouldn't have cheated and you wouldn't be in this prediciment.

skittles001 · Oct 16, 2008, 01:48 PM

I jsu twanna say that love, is strong, but not everyone who believes they are in love, actually are. You are a woman, and the defining point in someone's life that makes them grown is how they act with responsibility, I have to admit it doesn't sound like love, But everybody is different. I say you should tell him. Think about it in reverse, wouldn't you like to know about this kind of thing. Please for the respect of love, tell him, and really consider his position. You know he will be mad and he may say not to hang out with this man again, but he will be hurt when you tell him. If you manage to pull through it, you have to prove to him that you are trustworthy. As well think about how it makes you look. And remember "The One" doesn't have to be there if he is disrespected. Please tread lightly around this subject. But as a human being with feelings, he deserves to know. I wish you all the best, and I hope you realise your mistake. Don't be happy about what you did, its demeaning to yourself. We are women, strong and powerful, try not to give in to things that you will regret. Best of luck.

plonak · Oct 16, 2008, 01:52 PM

Take yourself away from all temptations!!

I have a boyfriend.. and I have a really close guy friend, and honestly I am sexually attracted to him and wonder what he's like.. but I'm not willing to jepordize what I have with my boyfriend just for an experience.. and I know not to put myself in situations where it's harder to resist my best guy friend

Check your motives here. Would you be telling him just so you feel better, or are you doing this so that (if he decides to stay) you can fix the problems and move forward..

Chery · Oct 16, 2008, 01:52 PM

I don't judge - we are all human and will make our mistakes on the way.

What I would NOT do, is tell a 'friend' - as this can backfire real bad if she ever gets mad at you.

I also don't know how old or mature you and your boyfriend are and how he would take your confession - that is something that you will have to find out though. Depending on how close you are and how much you both have already invested in this relationship and how serious your plans for the future - you need to find the right time to tell him and hope that he understands.

It's your choice, but if this is something that was on your mind for so long, you were bound to do it and find out sooner or later. And depending on what your plans are for the future - you will eventually have to give one of them up. That's life.

So do what your gut tells you to do or you'll never have peace and harmony with either one of them. You will never be able to completely keep this to yourself, so you have a choice to make, the sooner, the better.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

High Max · Oct 16, 2008, 02:03 PM

SSE08, if you come clean and work this out, prepare to not be trusted for a very long time. It's guys like this and girls like you who act on these impulses that make men insecure and constantly badger you about hanging out with guy friends or wrongly accuse you of cheating and are always suspicious. I do not believe that a lot of men are insecure and non-trusting to begin with, but things like THIS are what cause them to become this way.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 16, 2008, 02:09 PM

Sad that the sex was not beyond perfect, then you would be leaving the current boyfriend for him I guess.

First you don't have make up sex with a friend,

High Max · Oct 16, 2008, 02:11 PM

Yeah, it was sad that it wasn't perfect. If they do get back together, now I bet he will get dumped for being too "jealous and insecure" because he is going to be worried about the future now.

Chery · Oct 16, 2008, 02:20 PM

Depending on age, and maturity, one should never commit exclusively to a relationship if we are not sure of ourselves. That leads to problems.

It's better to not make promises that we are not yet ready to keep, but we should be truthful to our current relationships out of respect so that they can also plan their next move - no matter what they choose, it's their right too.

So, yes, we go through urges, guilt trips, and hope that we can regain that trust.. it's all in honest communication and hope things work out. If not, then it's time to move on and not hurt anyone more than we already have.

I hope this makes sense. If we cannot be respectful and honest now, we won't be later either. These lessons are learned throughout life.

Revival · Oct 16, 2008, 02:39 PM

Consider the following: your best friend doesn't like the guy because he's controlling and jealous of him. Now he's got this ammunition should your boyfriend do something he doesn't like to be well whatever I f***ed your girlfriend last month. What you going to do about that?

If I was your boyfriend in this situation, with no remoarse or second thought, I'd dump you. What you did was pretty selfish, and if he has any sense at all, he would dump you. If you want to experiment you shouldn't be in a relationship.

As for your best friend, he's certainly a "real good best friend" *sarcasm*. He knows your in a relationship that you want to go forward with, or so you say, and yet he still engaged in the act with you. If I was your boyfriend and I found out about this, I'd show up at his college, and give him a nice shiner for his troubles.

High Max · Oct 16, 2008, 02:50 PM

Like I've said once, and will say again. RARELY does any guy want to be JUST FRIENDS with an attractive girl. He will stick it out forever in the hopes that he can come in at the right time to either a. have sex with her, or b. try and steal her from her boyfriend and get with her.

Take note that this isn't true for EVERY guy, but MOST. That's why girls need to wake up and quit being naïve that guys "think of me like a sister". Oh he thinks of you as a sister all right, a sister he'd like to take out to dinner and a movie, and romance later on that night..

liz28 · Oct 16, 2008, 03:05 PM

I would like to know how do you have make up sex with your friend? I thought that was something you had with your partner. I guess I owe a lot of my male friends make-up sex.

It's doesn't sound like your ready to get married. I could see, but still not agree, if you cheated on your boyfriend for others reasons but this thought of having sex with your friend was always there and calling it make-up sex is an excuse and an insult to your boyfriend.

Come clean and let him decide if would stay or not. For the future, control your actions because you wouldn't like it if it was done to you.

TrueFaith · Oct 16, 2008, 03:40 PM

You're a shallow cow

You try your best friend out and he isn't good enough so you go to your boyfriend? You are everything I hate in a personality

Seflish, Cheater, lier.

I have no pitty for you.
Enjoy the mess you got yourself into

If he was the one you would never have done this grow up little girl.

I hope he dumps you.

High Max · Oct 16, 2008, 03:52 PM

Damn this is harsh. We probably would have been nicer but you just seemed kind of laid back and cool about all this..

Romefalls19 · Oct 16, 2008, 04:27 PM

That's why I was harsh, she doesn't sound remorseful at all! It's like a big joke to her, oh I had make up sex with my friend and he wasn't any good so I'll go back to my boyfriend! Yay!

Here's a question for the OP, what if your boyfriend was doing this? He gets in a fight with one of his female friends so he feels as thought he needs to sleep with her to make up with their friendship.

I think it's been said, but I agree, this is why guys are so insecure about their girls being friends with guys. We aren't all like that to begin with, we see the signs that naïve girls miss. I won't tell my fiancée who she can and can't talk to but I don't trust one of her guys friends as far as I can throw them. It may be wrong but I've been on both sides, you play your position until that clean up role comes up

friend4u178 · Oct 16, 2008, 04:40 PM

Make up sex with a friend??

That's out there Jerry!!

Camborio · Oct 16, 2008, 05:05 PM

Yeah. Don't be to surprised if he dumps you, that really breaks trust. You should tell him before he finds out. You're not ready to be in a serious relationship if you're having make up sex with you're friends, that is ridiculous.

Revival · Oct 16, 2008, 11:55 PM

Here's a flip side. Since we all know that you're a just a WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE bit selfish, and that you did this because you felt remorse for cutting your "BEST FRIEND" out. If you want to save your @$$, break up with him, you'll crush the f***in guy, but it saves you face AND you don't have to tell him about it either! It's sneaky its coniving but that seems to be your style. Either way its going to be ended, just now the ball is in your court as to how you choose to handle it.

Option A) Tell him the truth beg for forgiveness and for some dumbass reason he cries with you saying he loves you yada yada yada and three months down the road he'll be like I'm an idiot see you!
B) You tell him the truth, you beg for forgiveness, and he dumps your cheating .
C) You break up with him. You crush him, break his heart, and ruin him in every emotional way possible. You walk away hurting but at least it benefits you right?
And finally and most unlikely D) SOMEHOW SOMEWAY you manage to suck up so god damn badly that he is as stupid as we all hope isn't and keeps you around until you do it again or he cheats on you and says you're square. Either way. Your choice.

High Max · Oct 17, 2008, 05:23 AM

Sometimes I wonder if these are troll posts, because the OP never replied.