About 3months ago I say porn on his computer. I freaked out and told him I hate it, it makes me feel very insecure. I just feel like as long as he has me why would he need porn? We having a very good sex life but the I caught him again. He snuck out of bed and so I pretended I was asleep and then came out and caught him in the act! Now I dont know what to do. If he knew it bothered me as much as it did why would he do it agian? And does that mean he would keep other things from me? I mean other than that he's the perfect boyfriend but showing that he can lie and hide things from me makes me very unsettled........

450donn

We are not talking about coffee here. We are talking about relationships and how porn can destroy one. People have to remember that porn is addictive. It is also one of the most destructive things to a stable relationship out there today. If you cannot get your boy friend to deal with this addiction then I would suggest that you dump him, and move on.

AustProd6

Date a man of god or a unich.
Look I am sorry, The issue isn't him watching porn it's your own insecurities.
As long as he isn't into beastiality or kiddie stuff (and if you were sitting beside him you would then know), than who knows you might enjoy it.

He will continue to hide it if you continue to make a huge issue over it.

And Handyman2007 is so correct. My ex would do the same. She would get up in the middle of the night and check my Mobile Phone, Laptop, Wallet. She suffers Borderline Personality Disorder. She did it every work night for 2 years. I would get Joke Text Messages from my First wife, who was remarried, and 1800kms away. She thought I was having an affair with her because she thought it wasn't natural to converse with your ex. It's crazy making.

AustProd6

Stable?????????????? Are you kidding me.

I agree, dump him and move on. He will be so much better off.

Yep porn is addictive, So is Television, Chocalate, and the list goes on.

I could understand if it were alcohole or drugs.

I suggest maybe therepy for both, his porn her insecurities.

JBeaucaire

The problem here is ONCE AGAIN everyone is arguing individual positions as if there were some absolute truth to be found here. And there isn't. ONCE AGAIN you need to be reminded that people are different. That's the POINT of dating in the first place.

Half-truth #1 - Porn is destructive to relationships - talk about an easily misapplied truth!! Remember, its not MONEY that is the root of all evil, it's the LOVE of money. I say that because the same principle applies here. Porn isn't automatically destructive to a relationship, the FIGHT OVER THE ISSUE is the destructive force. One person likes it, the other hates it...HATES it.

Half-truth #2 - Porn is addictive - another truth easily misused. An addiction is something that interferes with your ability to safely operate a normal life. Looking at porn doesn't make you an addict. Looking at a LOT of porn doesn't make you an addict. Looking at so much porn you can't have a normal sex life makes you an addict. Potato chips are addictive. Golf is addictive. Watching TV is addictive.

The Point: You are dating to discover compatibility. When your date is found to have a lack of hate for things YOU hate, it's another opportunity to learn. Either you can live with the newly discovered differences or you can't. It is absolutely that simple.

Dating isn't about discovering things about your mate and demanding they change, it's about discovering and LOVINGLY responding. Lovingly deciding and lovingly adapting. Sometime the adaption means the end of the dating relationship WITHOUT slinging arrows. How about some maturity here, people?

I'm not advocating porn tolerance, I'm advocating mature discussion and reasonableness. Even if you find something personally offensive and intolerable, that doesn't make it wrong for everyone else, who wants a world where someone else's sense of morality is YOUR law? How awful would that be!?

If something is personally offensive, describe it that way. Calmly stated: "I have a LOT of trouble with porn, I find it hard to deal with. I hope you understand. I'm not asking you to stop or defend it or anything like that, I just want you to know this is one of those big issues for me. OK?"

Or "I don't think things are going to work out between the two of us. Our values are really very different, so staying together and just making each other miserable is no way to live, so let's part as friends."

I'm just saying, the more vehemently someone attacks an issue, the more I step back and realize it is often an issue of personal preference / morality being wielded like a weapon. And that's wrong.

Measure your relationship honestly. Discuss differences calmly and with maturity. When irreconcilable differences become evident, break up civilly, avoid the weaponry. And perhaps, keeping your wits about each other, you'll discover some things you hate aren't really the end of the world, and certainly don't need to mean the end of your relationship.

tigerlilly3

thank you everyone for your help!!!

ForeverZero

Get used to it. 65 million years of evolution has bred us to want to reproduce with every female ever. Monogamy wasn't invented till like the bible. You do the math. Look at it this way, it's better he spanks it to a blond then goes out and actually cheats on you.

ForeverZero

Also, my next point would be that your best bet is to find porn that you two can watch together rather than telling him not to do what he wants to do.