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gunphklunk · Nov 17, 2011, 03:13 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, but officially dating for 6 months. He's is in the army, deployed in Afghanistan and has been there for the past 2 months so far. He's met this one particular friend of mine only twice and has never carried on a full conversation with her because I was by his side the whole time.

Anyway, I know they talk because they tell me. I did not know, however, that they sexted! My friend left her Facebook up and I got curious so I looked through their messages. They've been sexting every since he got to Afghanistan. I'm not much into the sending dirty messages, so I guess that's why he went to her. He says he didn't mean anything he said. She even said she would never do it. It's just confusing. One minute they would be sending dirty messages and then they would say "we can't do this to her. We should stop"

What should I do? I love them both so much. Please help..

mmresd · Nov 17, 2011, 03:57 PM

Talk things out with both of them and let them know that this is not acceptable. Then you are going to have to either learn to trust your boyfriend again or break up because without trust there is no relationship. Maybe it was just fun and games, but maybe not. The decision if you want to stick around with a boyfriend and a best friend that go behind your back and talk to each other in a sexual manner is your choice completely.

talaniman · Nov 17, 2011, 07:05 PM

Obviously they don't love and respect you as much as you do them, so dump them both.

If you hadn't of stumbled on to what they were doing behind your back, no telling where things would have gone, or how much worse you would have felt.

You deserve your trust and loyalty to be honored, not trashed.

sweetlady9911 · Nov 17, 2011, 07:19 PM

When God answers our prayers and we don't listen, then chaos, confusion lights up our lives. First, there is no loyalty to you from either one. Move on with your life, period. Love yourself and give yourself a chance to live. Aren't you worthy of loyalty? Never allow your female friends to have access and contact with your man by not discussing your private business with them. That is the undoing of a lot of relationships. My man only hears that I am going out with my girl friends. Keep them out of your private life. When you asked this question, you already knew the answer. Face it, move on and find real friends because you love yourself. Faith in God Almighty and yourself.. ultimately leads to happier times. Don't get with a man out of desparation. Don't let friends disrespect you. Excuses are lies.

JudyKayTee · Nov 18, 2011, 07:05 AM

The question isn't about gossip or discussing private business with a girlfriend. The question is about (sexual) disloyalty on the part of the best friend and the husband.

I say to dump them both.

Jake2008 · Nov 18, 2011, 07:13 AM

This is a sad situation.

Not only have you been put in the position of knowing you can't trust your boyfriend, you are also in the position of knowing your best friend is not trustworthy either.

I think it must be more painful than finding out he was sexting a stranger.

They made the choice to explore, and communicate, and engage in sexual behaviour- even if it is not physically in person. They also make the conscious choice to deceive you, and despite saying to each other they should't be doing what they're doing, they decided to carry on anyway.

It is up to you to decide on whether to keep a relationship going with your boyfriend, and a relationship with your best friend. I would say to you that they deserve each other, and you deserve better.

Had you not found out, what would have been the likely outcome. When he returned home after a year or more of a relationship with your best friend, do you think it is likely, or not likely that they would continue to have a relationship.

If you were to find out what kind of person he was after you married him for example- what then. If he is capable of cheating (it is cheating) with your best friend, he's not the man you think he is.

Your best friend, is no friend to you.

As hard as it is, my advice to you is to sever ties with both of them. Neither of them are friend material, or long term relationship people.