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    I care about my girlfriend, but she doesn't show affection towards me

    Asked Apr 17, 2012, 12:30 PM 4 Answers
    We're in high school and it's been about two months since we started dating. Don't get me wrong, I really like her. She's smart, cute, and is the kind of person who always does "the right thing," something that I absolutely love in a person; it's far too rare these days.

    But often, I feel like I'm the only person putting anything into the relationship. I show her that I care about her. You know, I took her out to dinner on her birthday, compliment her outfit every now and then if I really like it, flirt with her, send her sweet texts occasionally if I miss her/can't spend time with her. I let her know that I'm always there for her. The usual stuff. But rarely does she do the same for me, and if she does, it's usually in response to something I do for her. I never get spontaneous texts (not even things like "I miss you" when I was on vacation), she doesn't initiate physical contact often (especially not in public), she doesn't really flirt. I accept that it may just be her personality- some people are more emotional than others- but at a certain point, it's like, come on.

    Again, and I cannot stress this enough, I really don't feel like I'm being an emotionally abusive/clingy boyfriend. I have a life of my own that is completely separate from hers, friends, schoolwork, activities, etc. I don't call her demanding to know where she is or who she's with. I don't buy her gifts everyday, I don't shower her with melodramatic romantic poems or whatever, I don't get mad when our schedules conflict, etc.

    I guess I'm just confused. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, or what she wants me to do, or anything. I really like her and I want this relationship to last, but I'm worried that if things keep up like this, it may not.

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 17, 2012 at 06:40 PM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,067, Reputation: 10290
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    #2

    Apr 17, 2012, 06:41 PM


    She is who she is, and have you ever talked to her about this?
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    none12345's Avatar
    none12345 Posts: 1,439, Reputation: 234
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    #3

    Apr 17, 2012, 07:07 PM
    If you have a life of your own, then I suggest living that life and make her be the one that chases after you. If she doesn't, then move on. There are tons of other people out there who are looking for the same thing you are, plus you are still young.
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    saliba_national's Avatar
    saliba_national Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    May 4, 2012, 09:24 PM
    This is EXACTLY how I feel with my boyfriend. I have no idea what to say to you because frankly, I don't even know what to do myself.

    I guess we're only left with 2 options: to either accept them as the introverted, more withdrawn (but whom still cares for us but just shows in a different way) person they are... or to break up with them and find someone who fits what we look for in a relationship.

    I have been struggling with this question since day one of my relationship with my boyfriend. Let me know what you end up deciding
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    hellocat12's Avatar
    hellocat12 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    May 4, 2012, 10:15 PM
    Firstly I cannot stress enough how important communication is in a relationship. Have you tried talking with her about it yet? Either way, your not doing anything wrong. It could just be her personality. Some girls just feel guys don't want much affection, and feel like they could easily come on too strong and turn him away. If things don't change and its bothering you now, its going to bother you more later. So be sure to let her know how you feel before you get really upset and unleash too much at once.
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