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Ok some may remember me while others won't. I have been with my gf for 4 years now. We broke up after two and then got back together. Well I am 24 and she is 23.
The day before yesterday I had time to spend with my girlfriend because I was working all week. we had a great time and I was soo happy.
Later that day I was on my way to work and I called her and she rushed me off because she had to sleep and she was tired. so I said okay and I let her go. Right before I went into work I called to say I love you because I was going to work from 12 midnight to 8 AM. when I called, she answered her phone by mistake and I heard a club scene in the background really loud with people talking. It lasted about 12 seconds and then it hung up. she didn't know she answered but I was shocked because she was out while I thought she was sleeping. The fact that she rushed me off to go to sleep and I believed it somehow kills me and destroyed my trust.
So I kept calling and texting back and finally she answered and I'm guessing she took a while because she had to leave the club to speak. She tells me she is in her friends car and so I told her to prove it and she did. She says that her friend was sad n they went to talk n they are at a store. Well we got off the phone as I had to get to work. While I was at work I called and called and text and text. she didn't call me back till 5 am!
she says she was driving around and walking at a park talking to her friend and got home at 3 am but slept and then called me at 5 because she was mad that I asked so many questions and was angry.
Well my problem is that I feel she took advantage of me going to work and then she lied to me about sleeping and decided to go out. That really hurt me soo much. Then I caught her at a club scene and she denies it but yet from 12 to 5 am she doesn't answer my calls. If she was really driving or walkin and talking she could have answered to speak to me. we never ignore each other for that long which leads me to believe she was partying.
Additiona Info... She lied to me. She told me shw was going to send me sexy pics and then she didn't because she said she was too tired and lying down...yet she can go out till 3 am she says? I feel so sad, mad, and hurt. We had a great day and she even sent me two pics of myself and said she loves me and misses me just before she did all this.
Thanx everyone. I will talk to her in a few days. Too much stress right now. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I felt that if I didn't do it back to her and let it go, like in the past, it wud just happen again. So this was my last hope to see if she wud learn by feeling how I have been feeling and then when we talk she can finally understand. Only thing I cud think of as talking before was no use.
Thanx everyone. I will talk to her in a few days. Too much stress right now. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I felt that if I didn't do it back to her and let it go, like in the past, it wud just happen again. So this was my last hope to see if she wud learn by feeling how I have been feeling and then when we talk she can finally understand. Only thing I cud think of as talking before was no use.
If the pair of you can't talk/communicate then your both in for a long ride and a lot of heartache , come on your not teenagers anymore
Well she hasn't called yet. Do you think it is possible that she really went out behind my back because I'm so jealous? Isn't that wrong of her, anyway? Plus we had such a great day...why would she do that?
I agree with all the above. I will, however, extend SOME sympathy/understanding about finding out she was out and not disclosing that info.
I'd definetely NOT have said "prove it", that just shows exactly what you were thinking and does bring out the jealous, controlling side to it. She may conclude that she was right in not telling you she went out for fear of how you'd respond, you only confirmed it by the way you acted.
Again, I do see your side, I do understand that something like this can creep in your head and stay there, but dealing with it shouldbe priority one. You don't even need her to deal with it, apologize for your behaviour and let it go. If this is enough to start a fight or break up than look out man, the future ain't so bright.
Well she hasn't called yet. Do you think it is possible that she really went out behind my back because I'm so jealous? Isn't that wrong of her, anyway? Plus we had such a great day...why would she do that?
The others have already given you some great advice. But I would like to add a few observations.
1) You seem somewhat needy. This ties into your jealousy. Seems like you need to keep a tab on where she is and what she's doing. There's no privacy or space between the two of you. You gotta allow each other to live your own lives.
2) If you can't let her live her life without feeling jealous or mistrust, then why date at all? In any relationship, you need a certain level of trust and space to keep things healthy. Otherwise you're just suffocating each other.
3) Though she might be contributing to your feelings of jealousy and mistrust, a lot of issues also stem from within. You should spend some time away from her to work on your personal issues. You need to build more self-esteem and confidence. You have too many insecurity issues, which are overflowing onto her.
4) Because you are so insecure about yourself, you feel like she's going to drift away. Think about it this way, if you were confident about the way you treated her, then you wouldn't fear as much about her leaving her or doing things behind your back. Another way to look at it is, you treat her well and she should treat you well. If she doesn't, then that's her problem and she's not the right person for you.
Feelings can't be forced, they have to come naturally, and relationships take hard work. So you need a combination of both to have a strong relationship.
how can I not be jealous? I always worry if she is smoking with guys, and if she is getting a ride home from work by a guy. I will worry a lot if she goes to a bar or club cause she will dance sexually as all girls do and get drunk and not know what she is doing. its so hard! what do I do?
You cannot control what she does. I will give you my personal example. I trusted my ex with all my heart, I let her party, drink, smoke, dance with guys, go on road trip with other guys and girls... she would party very often. In the end of our 3 years relationship she cheated on me. I never felt remorse of not trusting her. I feel proud of myself that I was able to trust her completely and I will keep that trust to the other person whom I will date. If she cheats on me, then it is her decision and she is hurting herself. I will be without remorse.
If you don't trust her, this relationship will not last long. Either you trust her or you break up.
We can see that she contributed to making you feel insecure, which leads you to feel jealous.
However, jealous starts from within. It also has a lot to do with trust. When my gf goes out with her friends, I trust her enough that I won't worry about other guys hitting on her. Your gf is going to do whatever she wants. You can't force her to stop being herself and doing the things that she enjoys. That would be controlling on your part.
What you can control is the way YOU react to her actions. Ask yourself, do you trust her? If you do, then let her do her thing and you do your thing. If you can't find it in yourself to trust her, then you have much bigger issues than jealousy.
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