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I have read many of the postings here, and im hoping someone can help me out a bit.
Ill do my best to make this short and sweet
My girlfriend of 3 years has never liked drinking alcohol, in fact she despises it. I can understand her point of view entirely, due to family history, etc, etc. I would never try to force her to drink, or be upset if she didnt want to - its her decision.
The problem arises when it comes to me drinking. When I want to hang out with my friends, drink a little, and just relax ("typical" college male things, i suppose), she HATES it. I have tried and tried to compromise, but it doesnt seem to work. I dont drink times when I can, to show her that I want to compromise, but I am usually just met with a "your still drinking", or "when you drink, im just totally disgusted".
To clarify, I do not drink excessively. It is probably 2 - 3 times a month, and when I do, I never drink to the point of being physically injured, or unable to function. I do not ever drive after drinking, and have never done anything "unfaithful" while drinking.
I have never gotten a totally straight answer as to why, but I wish there was just a way to agree to disagree.
I can provide more details, if you guys think they are needed....but does it really seem to be my fault? I hate to feel like I am the one who is wrong in the situation, and be convinced that I haven't done anything wrong....
Is it simply incompatibility? I have never heard of this being such an issue to break a relationship, except in extreme (alcoholic) cases.....
She has obviously experienced, or witnessed some aweful things as a result of alcohol.....and it would seem that it has scared her to death.....are you understanding of this and do you agree?
If so, you need to make her aware that you understand, agree that alcohol, when not respected can lead to aweful situations and events - but you also need to make her aware of the fact that alcohol is not a problem for you, you do respect it and use it / enjoy it accordingly.
If you can see her point of view, she should be able to see yours....if not, then....well....maybe 'incompatability' yes....
It is always important to communication with each other, and equally important to respect each others view points and opinions....if you can't do that then the relationship may not be right for you.
I have told her over and over, and we have had many long conversations about this. I have told her that I understand that people she may have grown up with have destroyed their lives becuase of alcohol. I have been completely understanding and accpting of her hatred of it. She is always invited to be with me in situations where it may occur, though never forced to go, or guilted by not going.
I will not lie and say that I have never wished she would come. It has occured to me at times that maybe if she could just "loosen up" and enjoy herself, she may be much happier. I do know that line of thinking is immature, but it has crossed my mind, though I would not exrpess that to her.
My problem lies in my resistance to stop, simply becuase she doesnt approve of it. This is not meant to belittle her feelings on this issue, but I believe that if I can be totally understanding and compromising on the issue, then it is acceptable to assume I can expect a decent attempt at a compromise from her.
I guess I feel like im not being met halfway....or even 60/40
If I were you, I would have to say that I would expect compromise too, given that you have been so understanding to her reasoning....
I do suggest that she needs to realise that Alcolhol alone causes no harm....when mixed with the wrong personality, then trouble begins - so for her to suggest that she has a problem with alcohol is a little narrow minded - for alone it is a mear chemical substance.....when it is used and disrespected by people with certain personality traits like anger, weakness, addiction - then it is a problem.
If you aren't one of these people - as it sounds you are not - then really, what problem should she have?
I believe you deserve a little more credit from her for your efforts so far.
I have read many of the postings here, and im hoping someone can help me out a bit.
Ill do my best to make this short and sweet
My girlfriend of 3 years has never liked drinking alcohol, in fact she despises it. I can understand her point of view entirely, due to family history, etc, etc. I would never try to force her to drink, or be upset if she didnt want to - its her decision.
The problem arises when it comes to me drinking. When I want to hang out with my friends, drink a little, and just relax ("typical" college male things, i suppose), she HATES it. I have tried and tried to compromise, but it doesnt seem to work. I dont drink times when I can, to show her that I want to compromise, but I am usually just met with a "your still drinking", or "when you drink, im just totally disgusted".
To clarify, I do not drink excessively. It is probably 2 - 3 times a month, and when I do, I never drink to the point of being physically injured, or unable to function. I do not ever drive after drinking, and have never done anything "unfaithful" while drinking.
I have never gotten a totally straight answer as to why, but I wish there was just a way to agree to disagree.
I can provide more details, if you guys think they are needed....but does it really seem to be my fault? I hate to feel like I am the one who is wrong in the situation, and be convinced that I haven't done anything wrong....
Is it simply incompatibility? I have never heard of this being such an issue to break a relationship, except in extreme (alcoholic) cases.....
you know what man..? u should stop drinking. because people that drinks always have a mess up mind. not all but people who drinks a lot. and i mean A LOT! ur girlfriend loves you. she just want you to be safe and away from alcohol. stop drinking. yeah,i know its fun because u drink with your friends and all, but its your girlfriend we're talking here. you have to put a girl that you love 2nd, because family comes first. but hey, what ever you do... just listen to her. if she cries(which i dont know) cry with her. if she's happy, you should be too. good luck my friend... i hope u make the right decision.
I think you should forget her & move on. She sounds like she will not be very fun to live with in 10 years. If a man wants a few drinks. Not a problem with most woman but this one YES!! RUN
i agree with prayer. if theres something you wouldnt do for your girl(that is reasonable) then there is a problem. let her know you love her by not drinking anymore, its a bad habit anyway
Are you two serious? You would stop doing something that is completely harmless, yet you enjoy, because your sour girlfriend doesn't like it - DESPITE constant effort from you to understand why she feels the way she does and accepting it? When has she tried to understand him? Grow some b*lls you two!
As Pook_Myster has said this is definately you need to get to the bottom of!
I can understand your frustration but I don't think you should stop drinking or run away from this situation - if you've been with this girl for 3 years you obviously care about each other!
When she says she is disgusted with you drinking, I'm sure you've asked why?! What sort of response do you get - is it just a vague "because you're drinking"?
Well, I've read most of the comments here and I think you've gotta ask yourself where you're going. You've been together for 3 years...is it going to be for a life-time? If not then I would say keep drinking and try and get her to understand. But if you plan on spending your life with this girl...then maybe you should think about giving it up. If she's normally a compromising girl and you two have a good relationship other than this...then it may be one of those things that you just have to give in on to make the relationship work. We all have those unbending things that we're like "I can NOT be with you if you do that" and the other person then has to decide. If this is one of those things for her then you should consider the possibility of just giving it up completely. It'll be better for the relationship and hell...what's a few drunken nights a month? You can still go and have a good time with your friends sober. But if she's completely unbending on a lot of different issues, then you might take the hint that it's only going to get worse. You've fought it for a while and giving in to something like this doesn't give her the power. In fact since you've fought it for so long, then you're doing her the favor and showing her how much you care. Just my thoughts man. I'll pour a shot and drink it for you when I get back to the States.
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