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Can't move on.
Asked Nov 27, 2011, 03:02 AM
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27 Answers This is my story and I really need help as I have stopped moving .... About 6 or so years my ex and I have broke up because of her family which they didn't accept me for cultural reasons. at that time I have accepted that she was gone but never forgotten her, she did call me couple of times along the way and I have always answered and asked her to come back, and she didn't. A few years after that I have found out that she has gotten engaged so I left the country to work abroad, which I have done and really did good in my career. during that time she has tried to add me through facebook and sent me few msgs asking how I was doing... I never answered. A few months ago I have returned to my country and started working here, she again sent me a msg and I have replied, I was cold because I was really hurt anyways she told me that she didn't get married and I have always been remembered in the best of ways. She asked to meet but I rejected. A few months after she sent me another msg asking how I was and I replied with a long msg saying that I still do love her but can't be a friend only and if there are no future for us, then please leave me alone because it does hurt to still be reminded of her. Then she asked to have my contact and maybe meet, I said ok and we have meet, at that time I was being in control and then she told me what have happened to her and she wants a family and she wants to be happy ( but never indicated it was me). So I asked for another chance as long as we have the same intention, she agreed and we kicked off we actually slept together and went on a trip, during that time I admit I was a bit pushy but never did I hide my intention that I want us to end up together, she said she doesn't want a relationship. If things work then it is straight to proposal, I agreed not to label what we have and marriage what I wanted. We stayed around 2 months together in the beginning she was welcoming but then she started always talking about her ex and what they had, in the start I was telling her this subject hurt me but then she said she needed to talk about him. Days go by and I am only listing to her talking good and bad about him she even said that he really love her but he was stupid and a child ( he is 10 years older than her) he was her fiance and then a BF where they stayed together for around 4 years .... and basically lived together. Anyways we were always on the phone and I was supportive, I even didn't talk about future with her, when she one day came and said that she is not ready for a relationship and she has issues and cant jump from a relation to another and she have to put herself first, believe me I was supportive even when she was blaming me about the past when I was with her, and when I told her that I didn't have any other relationship while we were not together ( as she said that is not healthy), anyways few days ago we were talking on the phone and suddenly she went back talking about him, no problem for me but then she started being explicit and saying that he has taking her down to his level ( by the way he is still stalking her almost everyday for the past year when she broke up with him) so I said sweetie you are being explicit ..... she was angry and hung up the phone, I tried calling but she sent a msg saying she can't talk. Anyways at night I called and she answered few minutes later, and then she started saying that we can't even be friends now but maybe in the future, she knows that I have feelings for her and it is not fair that she always talk to me about her past, but that all she has, she still have issues and can't jump into a relationship. When I said but I have always listened even though I didn't like it but it was for her own good, she said but I didn't like the subject and I was always upset because she saw me (face time conversation). I asked if she see me in her future she said at the moment no but don't know later. So I said you know my contacts and everything about me. When ever you are done with your issues and think I am the right person for you then give me a call. I wanted to end it up on that note, but she got upset again, and said that I was selfish for not letting her say what she wants to saY, that it was the wrong timing, and she will always be there for me. We hung up, and there are no contact for 4 days. What do you read from that is she gone forever now ? |
27 Answers
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| No contact goes on as long as it takes. I think a broken heart heals like any other broken BODY part - you need time to heal. Maybe it will take a year or two or three. Maybe you'll NEVER get over her. That doesn't mean that your life can't and won't go on. In your heart, what do you want to happen? I think I would have no contact. Decide every morning not to contact her (or let her contact you) for that one day. Go to bed, get up the next morning, say, "Okay, no contact just for today." Pretty soon the days run together. I think she is/was using you - or trying to. In many cases the only way to save yourself is to stay OUT of the claws of the controlling person. You are well spoken, you seem kind, you have a handle on things. If she's a user - and it sounds like she is, even though I don't know her - she will zoom in on your good nature and attempt to run things. What do you think it will take for you to heal your heart? Sometimes the answer is there. You just have to look inward to find it. | ||||
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| You have to muster up the courage & realization that she is not the one for you. I think you have put up with enough. It didnt work before, it didnt work now & its not going to work tomorrow. Get out of denial. You may want her, but she doesnt. The longer you stay with this, the longer you will be miserable and confused. | ||||
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| As you asked for my input here it is;you have been given a lot of good advice -I agree with what previous posters have said. I can only add that when it's over,it's most often over for good and for good reasons-it wasn't meant to be. The sooner you realise that you have got to start living your own life-making the most of who you are and what you have got,the quicker you will heal. No contact is often forever,it works as it helps get rid of the confusion and the false hope. If/when an ex tries to get in touch,my take is they do so either because they want some sort of control over you,or they feel bad. That's their problem-not yours. Go live your life my friend,heal and make the most of it. Take care. | ||||
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| This relationship has issues, do you believe that you can work on overcoming them? Better yet do you think she wants to put the effort forward as well? I would go NC and do what I could to improve my life. I firmly believe that if you get to a place where you are happy in your life without her then if she decides to give it a go you can look at with a different perspective and may just decline. | ||||
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| I understand that you really love her and that you're willing to wait for her to come back to you. But there's no guarantee that she will come back to you. Try thinking about it this way. She already knows how you feel about her, so the ball is really on her side of the court. You don't have anything else you need to prove to her. If she loved you back, she will come find you and be with you. The fact that she wants to put some distance from you is because she doesn't feel the same way. And you can't force her to feel the same way about you, it will happen naturally (without your influence). NC is to help you move on with your life so that you don't keep holding onto something that may never happen. | ||||
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| wow.... sweety there is no hope in this relationship to be honest is not a relationship it is a game of cat and mouse and tag at the same time. She is playing both of you emotionally and mentally and you are letting her do this to you. As much as you want this to work it will never be healthy for you or for herself. The best thing to do is move on with yourself remove all contacts with her and heal yourself. Sometimes it hurts more to forget a person then to be with that person, and the way i see it that is the problem you are only hurting yourself. Move on and be happy and you will see there is light on the other side of the tunnel. Share that love you have with someone else who will appreciate you and love you unconditionally as well. Don't give up hope you will find someone as wonderful as yourself. Appreciate yourself and the decisions you make to bring you happiness. Good Luck | ||||
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| She enjoys your company, but does not respect you. As long as you are available she will continue to run back to you for comfort, but that is all she wants. Make yourself unavailable to her, and get on with your life. There are plenty of women who are willing to have a happy mutually fulfilling relationship with you. | ||||
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| Tmann; I'm wondering if your waiting for someone to post and tell you there is hope for you and your ex. I understand this is a difficult thing for you to go through but you have to make a decision (for your own well-being) not to contacxt her and move on with your life. Wipe the slate clean so to speak. Have a fresh start. After all, happy endings can happen. It's up to you to make that possible!!!!!!!! | ||||
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