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I have been dating my gf for 3 months now. We like eachother a lot. Things are going great. But the for the last 30 days, I have been stressing out and I am in a very bad mood. Here is the problem. I am 22 year old. I have only had two girls in my life. My gf is 19. But she has already slept with 11 guys before me. 3 of them from her previous bf which is totally fine with me. However, the rest of them 8 were from one night stands and friends with benefits. I was really grossed out by that a month ago when I asked her about her sexual past. And she told me all that. I met her at the beginning of Jan this year. She broke up with her bf in last Sep, and she had a one night stand that month. And then she was having sex with her friend for a while. And this guy is ugly and he is a looser. According to her he was consoling her because she was sad and she slept with him. I want to break this guy's face if I see him.
I told her a week ago that I can't seem to get over her past. She told me that she is sorry that I can't get over it and she told me that eventually I will be able to get over it. That is why she changed and she didn't have sex for two months before we met. Yeah but she slept with me on our first date. Here is another problem, too. I am leaving for training in another city half a world away for a month. I don't think I will be able to trust her. She loves sex a lot. And most of the guys that she slept with previously are still in this same town. And I know she still talks to some of them on facebook under private messages. Even though she told me she doesn't anymore but she is always talking to someone on facebook, and I saw her talking to guys on facebook also.
This girl is amazing in every other ways except for her past. I really want to get over her past and start trusting her that she won't cheat on me when I am away for training. But I can't seen to find ways to help myself. I almost wanted to cheat on her so I can feel guilty when I see her and so I can respect myself less. But I stopped myself, case I can never cheat on someone. I am constantly so worried about the relationship. I was so stressed out that I got shingles/chicken pox. Now I am even more depressed.
My question is :
1) How can I completely get over her past
2) How can I trust her when I am not around
3) Can someone really change in two months from having sex with random guys
Please help.
I agree with the advice that he should move on if he can't handle the situation.
I disagree with the notion that she cannot be held accountable for her actions prior to meeting him.
So it's acceptable to you to be in a relationship, where baggage is held over someone's head?
How can she be held accountable to her past? Why should he have the right to do that? Especially for someone he likes.
Hopefully she has been tested, as there are consequences of her actions that should be addressed, but no I don't agree that any person has the right to hold their new significants accountable for their baggage.
Should I be held accountable then for bringing two children into a new relationship? Would it then be right that my partner although accepted them, held only me accountable for them? Would I want to date someone who felt that way about my baggage?
Baggage makes us who we are, so if you like that person, some thanks goes directly into their life experiences.
I agree with the advice that he should move on if he can't handle the situation.
I disagree with the notion that she cannot be held accountable for her actions prior to meeting him.
hmmm... i think its hard for me to explain my position... i do not believe being accountable and "accepting the past" are the same thing.
a persons past is worth understanding and knowing. what is the "magic" number when a person becomes a "slut"... im just not going to try to derive that formula.
how long should you know someone before you sleep with them?
well, the OP seemed fine with her sleeping with him (AND HIS SLEEPING WITH HER) on the first date until suddenly she did it with others. i think thats a little hypocritical.
so... yes... it helps to know a persons past for a number of reasons.. fine... he is at the "accept" or "walk" stage... and i think its perfectly ok for him to accept her past or to understand that it is an issue...
a person can be "held accountable" and still loved. or not.
Here is another thing. Her parents were devorced when she was 10 because her dad cheated on her mom. She told me that she has never cheated on anyone as she saw what happened to her family.
Her last bf cheated on her. When she found that out from someone else the following day. She couldn't stop crying. It was so bad that her mom had to bring her to the hospital so they could drug her to ease her to stop crying.
Her last bf treated her like crap but she still dated him for 1.5 year. Apperantly her ex freaked out when she told him her past, too. But then after she broke up with him, she went again to slept with 2 random guys before me.
Now do u think base on that her dad and her ex cheated would make her a cheater or it would make her hate cheating. I was thinking that what her dad did might have changed her a lot on her sexual past.
"More mystery, Less history" is something people should learn in new relationships.
However, in your case, I think it's good you know upfront her character, her impulsivity, and that she makes bad decisions. What you have to consider here is that not only will history likely repeat itself but your health may be at risk if you stay with someone like her! Its not like she grew up and changed by the time you met her- she was just as careless and impulsive with you, right?
well my dad cheated on my mother and ive never cheated on another person, ever.
so you are with a girl who has never cheated, but who engages in sex more casually more than youd prefer... including with you.
and she chose to stay with a jerk who treated her like crap. and then slept with others. and then you.
look... she might have some issues to work with and if you are not the man to be there for her, with her, fine. its ok.
dear Lord... i hope to God nobody ever said of me "hmmm... his mother was cheated on after ten years of marriage, and she got pregnant with him when she was 16 so she was clearly a slut even tho' she was an A student. i just wish i knew how many people his mother slept with before so i could decide if i can be with him"...
this girl might not be right for you.
F I N E.
you seen to be spending more time analyzing and disecting her past than enjoying who she is today...
and if she writes in here, with her side of the story, i will tell her that if her bf cannot let this go, cannot see her for who she is, then she should dump him to the curb.
look... every woman i have ever loved deeply has cheated on me. it sucks. i dont take infidelity lightly. and then, im attracted to naughty girls, it would seem. or my "picker" is broken.
but whatever decisions i make, i own.
if your panties are all tied in knots... step back. at least a little. take some time.
if you arent willing to risk losing her while you find your bearings... well... what the hell do you want? her to wait around while you decide if she is worthy of you?
IT IS OK if you cannot be with her because of her past. really. its ok.
but id suggest you own some of the "blame" here... not just guilt her into feeling like scum of the earth. im guessing she dated you thinking you might be a good man, and even a person with a jaded past deserves some love... i think.
well i know it's hard to get over things like this i had the exact same thing happen to me.... well the honist truth is if u look at her now do u think that she is the kinda person who would cheat on u? if u put her past aside do u think that she is?
and also y r u asking other people this? u r the only one who can answere this question
but i can give u one answere and that is that u dont need to forget about the past just reamember it and look at the present and now do u love her anough to b with her?
After we slept together on our first date. She told me she had slept with roughly 10 guys. She was shocked that I had only been with 2 girls. She was so worried that I wouldn't want to see her again. I even asked her a month later that what if I only wanted one night stand with you. She said I was different than most guys. And she knew I wanted more than just one night stands. She said if I didn't want to see her again after that first date, then she would feel stupid and had to accept it.
On that first date. I didn't care about the guys that she had been with because I had no feelings for her. But now its been almost 4 months that we have been together. I have really strong feelings for her. I wouldn't say that I love her because love is a strong word that I wouldn't use lightly. It's hard to just step out of the relationship at this stage.
I am willing to stay depressed until I get over this. The only problem is I am going to be gone for a month at the end of May. During this month that we are going to be apart. I am not going to able to concentrate on my army course/work because I would just keep thinking of her. She even told me that she will be studying at home for her course so she can be a nurse soon and she won't be seeing anyone. I don't wanna break both our hearts to step out of the relationship. I am so lost right now.
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