A day or two ago, I was looking through my boyfriends email (we have a very open relationship, and have each other's passwords) for an email that I had sent him awhile back. In this process, I came across a bill I didn't recognize. Long story short, I came across a secret email account that was filled with porn and emails from the E-Harmony dating website, which he had established during the time we had been dating. I was devastated. Our relationship had been struggling for quite awhile, but I never expected this. It seemed very outside of his character.

When I confronted him about it, I was so angry and was really set on leaving. We sat down and had a very long talk, and put it all out there. We communicated like we had never done before and really talked about what is going on in our lives. He apologized that he had hurt me and promised to cancel all the porn and (though he never subscribed to it) cancel his E-Harmony account as well. I admitted that I had put a lot of things before our relationship, but was heartbroken that he had kept this hidden, lied to me (as I had asked him about this before) and made me feel extremely unattractive.

I decided to take some personal time and am spending it decompressing 3 hours away. Today is my first day away from him since learning of all of this, and I just still am so upset and afraid that he is at home alone, flipping through all of the websites. He swears he will never do it again, but I don't know if I believe him. I sure don't trust him.

I know there are a lot of people who think "guys will be guys" and "porn is normal," but it's not in my household. I don't accept it, and it has hurt my relationship, and has had an effect on my sex life. I don't want it, and I will not tolerate it.

My question: Should I trust him again? If so, why can't I put this behind me and start that process? Anyone out there actually go through something like this and recover?

I've read so much about couples who never get over trust issues, and I'm really considering getting out because I just don't want to feel like this anymore...

Appreciate any help on this matter.

kepi

Well, while I am with you on the E-Harmony account thing, you should take into consideration that porn can be addictive. Part of my job at the teen clinic is to counsel young adults (17-25) and I hear a lot of people (not just men) who watch a porno and cannot stop. I would suggest that you ask him why he feels he wants/needs porn, and then work something out. It sounds like you're communicating, and that it great. Just....lay EVERYTHING out in the open. It sounds like most of the skeletons are out of the closet, but I know more are in there.

And before you "get out" of this, talk. I'm telling you- porn is a drug and I think you should, before leaving him, try to work it out.