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So, long story short - my girlfriend broke up with me because she said she had been in 3 relationships for a solid 9 straight years combined (a relationship jumper per se) and wanted to know what it was like to not be obligated to someone. We took a step back to casual dating, but she was dating her previous ex-boyfriend as well. This bugged me so much that it got to a point that I essentially ended my relationship with her a second time as I felt that she was having her cake and eating it too. Her ex is deeply afraid of commitment (or at least was - apparently he has changed tune at this point). It was apparent to me that it had turned into me being the "fun guy" to date - the guy that took her places and did things with her and he was the "intimate guy". In other words, I realized that all things equal, if he did the things she was looking for, he was the choice. Add to this the fact that she told me she still loved him (and told him this as well), and I was done.
Ever since then, I've been extremely confused by her. Though I realize that she is honestly not currently datable and perhaps I'm simply holding on to good, nostalgic feelings and memories of her, I still want to make things work one day in the future.
Every time we've hung out since that all occurred 2 weeks ago, it has been awkward thanks to her. I only try to have fun with her, but she is constantly getting irritated with everything I do and telling me so. It is seriously as if she starts a countdown every time I see her - like she fully expects me to piss her off every time we're together. But then, a few days later, she'll always call me for no reason and we'll end up talking for an hour or so. She last called me yesterday morning at 11am to basically tell me about her weekend and just talk. It was a pointless, irrelevant call.
I don't think I love her anymore but I do still care for her tremendously and do want to try things out again at some point in the future. Anyone have any idea what the heck this girl is thinking and why she is acting this way?
You are correct..she is definitely "having her cake and eating it too," and you my friend are an enabler. If you stay in her life (hang out with her, take her places, etc) than why would she get rid of this other guy? She has everything she wants (even if she is finding it in two guys). You need to put a stop to this one ended relationship for good. I know that you care about her, but until a "want" for her stops, you need to cut contact. You aren't helping yourself by continuing to stay in her life. I think you need to cut your losses at this point. Once she realizes that you aren't going to take it, she may decide you are the one that she wants. Or in another scenario..once you realize you can cut ties with her...you may decide she's NOT the one for you. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember to look out for you...you are the only one who is going to do this!
Nkychic is dead on the money here, and you can stay to impress, or go down your own path without her. Your the one letting her have her cake, and enjoying it. Disappear from her life, and stop the contact. Those hour long talks are out, try not answering, and being busy, and unavailable.
I suppose I should have been clearer in my initial post. I am no longer dating her. As soon as I realized how close she was getting to her other ex, I ended the dating portion. That happened just over 2 weeks ago. I no longer take her places or spend money on her. Since then, we’ve seen each other a few times, but she is always very irritable when we are with each other. Despite all this, she continues to call me on a regular basis as if I was still her boyfriend. She’ll tell me what she did or something funny that happened to her. Sometimes she tries to make plans with me for the future (concerts/sporting events). After seeing the movie 21 (presumably with her other ex), she even called me to say we need to plan a trip to Las Vegas with friends.
At this point I’m trying to understand why this girl continues to act like this despite the fact that she tells me that I irritate her so much. She for the most part doesn’t even allow us to have fun when we go out anymore because she lets everything I ever do or say bother her. Maybe it is also relevant to tell you that back when we were together, she admitted to me that she fought as hard as she could NOT to like me, but ended up trying it out (and at least temporarily enjoying it).
She's keeping you close to be there for her own reasons. If you stay confused, as you are now, not only does she keep you at her beck and call, because you think she will change her mind, but she KNOWS you can never move on, without her permission. Usually when something better comes along. Stop ALL the contact period, and don't be available. Disappear from the face of the earth.
you’re her back up guy the guy who treats her like she needs to be treated. her ex can't do nothing for her but boner real good. the excuse she made up about dating for 9 years str-8 might be true, but it's a bunch of crap. when you and her first got together she should have told you about that in the beginning. she tells you this now because her ex boyfriend wants her back or something happen between them while you guys were together.
a friend of mines made up an excuse to her boyfriend that she liked this other guy, and she only wanted to be both of their friends. she broke up with her boyfriend, and she was boning the new guy. She ran back to her ex when she needed something.
I honestly don't know what the situation with her other ex is, though I suspect they are getting relatively close. That is not going to last though as he will fall back to his old ways after a matter of time.
I just don't understand my role in this all anymore. Why does she still reach out to me? Why does she still try to call me and make plans with me when she is seemingly always awkward and in a bad mood when we're together? Of course I want to get her back some day down the line, but what the heck is she thinking in the meantime?
Can any girls help? Why would someone do these things?
I can tell you from a man's view, whatever reason she gives, is not important. what is important is what she does, and how it makes you feel.
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I just don't understand my role in this all anymore.
Your role is to stand on your own two feet, and not be jerked around any more. There are plenty of decent females around, to many for you to be stuck on one that plays these games.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,267
With all due respect Gump, your not getting "it." She's keeping you as the back up plan because you are safe. You are also so far gone that you can't see what she is doing to you. She controls this situation and she controls you so much that you are so confused about this it's all you can think about. Listen to Tal -NO MORE CONTACT.
I'll be honest, I'm going through the same exact thing and the reality was I got so far in I reverted back to a nice guy and didn't even see it happening. You have to practice the fundamentals on a regular basis. At the beginning you can get away with it, but as time wears on and you start giving her everything she wants you start looking weak and women judge guys by emotional strength. I think that's what happened to you. You are so nice...and you know you are nicer then any guy she's got now or in the past 9 years. But she doesn't give a damn because she needs a challenge. You give her your ear when something goes wrong. I get it, because you think your doing the right thing by giving her respect and time but in reality you are giving her a way to drop her real problems that the other guy won't put up with.
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