I feel so bad posting this or even asking about this. I know I am such a jerk for asking it, you don't have to tell me. It has been on my mind for so long though, and I feel too bad to say anything about it to anyone outloud or that I know, and I've been considering asking about this since I first joined here.

I have a wonderful boyfriend. He loves me so much, it amazes me. I know I am so lucky to have found him, I know what is out there and I've had bad relationships. He and I feel the same way about all the big issues and life, want the same things for the future, are attracted to each other, and he treats me like a princess.

There are a few things about him that drive me absolutely crazy, though. And I feel so bad saying that, because I know they are such stupid small things, but they drive me nuts. I know you're all going to yell at me for even saying all this, and tell me to get over the small stuff and appreciate what I have, and I do. I just have to say this somewhere before I blow up.

1) His laugh. I hate the way he laughs. It's awful. I mean, really, really bad. It's loud and he snorts and does this weird air sucky-in-thingy when he does it. It's like a honk noise or something with a snort. It makes me cringe, it sounds... bad. Like, hurts your ears kinda bad. I don't know what to do... I feel like I'm the meanest person in the world if I tell the guy I love "I hate your laugh." How rotten is that? I don't want to hurt him. I just, I don't know what to do. I wouldn't say this if it wasn't like, extremely bad. Any ideas? At all?

2) The way he chews, especially gum. He chews with his mouth open a lot and smacks his gum. He also makes very loud slurpy noises when he has liquid or mushy things. Every time he chews gum he makes loud smack-y noises. It gets to be so annoying that I don't want to sit next to him when we're watching TV because it is that loud. This is like an everyday thing. He also pops his jaw around his mouth like, every 15 minutes, which makes a loud cringe-worthy noise, too. I've never seen anyone else do that before.

I told him once that it was really gross when he chewed with his mouth open and he stopped that moment, but still does it. I don't want to be his mother and lecture him on how to eat and chew properly every time we have a meal, I said it once and I hoped he'd become more concious of what he was doing but it hasn't seemed to help. It grosses me out when I am eating and he does it. Especially if he talks with his mouth full (which he also does frequently and I asked him once to stop doing and he did only for that meal). I don't want to be a nag, but what can I do? I want to marry this guy, I want to have a family with him, but I definitely wouldn't want our kids picking up his bad eating habits and table manners.

3) He talks really loudly. The volume of his voice is off the charts. Everything he says is at the sound level of shouting. It isn't just annoying, it hurts my ears. I'll be sitting next to him on the couch and he'll say something (or laugh) and it'll be so loud and close to my ear it'll cause me actual discomfort. I've told him quite a few times to please talk more quietly (especially if we are at my parent's house). A lot of times I say I have a headache and to please keep his voice down because it hurts my head. I don't know what else I can do there.

I know you're thinking, "well if that is the worst you have to say about this guy you're being ridiculous." I have thought that myself and that is why I have kept it to myself for so long. But, it isn't completely ridiculous. These are things that are unavoidable for me when I am around him. They are very hard to ignore because they're so in my face. I feel like before we get engaged I need to address these issues somehow.

Can you help me? I really don't want to hurt his feelings, and if there is any way that I can do something about these things without making him feel bad I would be so relieved. If I didn't love him, I'd have said something to him about them already, but I don't want to hurt him.

Please, do you guys have any ideas? I will probably be away most of the weekend, but I'll be back Monday.

margarita_momma

LOL. I had a boyfriend with the exact same quirks that you are describing about your guy. Needless to say, the small quirks really got to me after us being together for 3 years. It would get to the point that I didn't even want to be in the same room as him while we were eating because of the smacking and I would always leave the room when he would start laughing because I was embarrassed. If you can "put up" with the small things and not let them bother you (like I did) then just give it the best you can and just think about the things you love about him everytime he makes a weird snorting laugh. Good luck.

alkaline

It is relieving to hear I am not alone in this!

What you are saying about your relationship is what scares me, if this stuff is bothering me now, how will I stand it in 5 years? Yikes.

I do feel a little better knowing that other people have faced these issues.

The more I think about it, it's like they have some kind of weird oral issues or something, because all of these "quirks" seem to relate to the mouth.

Maybe next time I have nothing to do at work I'll try researching oral problems or fixations or whatever...

When we met he also had bad breath (real bad, woo) and I nipped that in the bud right away, I had to. It is still bad sometimes, but at least he is aware of it and makes an effort to mask it or brush his teeth or whatever he wasn't doing before. I basically told him one night that if he wanted to kiss me he was going to need to do something about his breath because it was a big turn off. I'm sure that being drunk when I said that helped a bit though, lol.

margarita_momma

Just wait until he is drunk again and bring up all the other issues. You never know, it might work. How long have ya'll been together? If it has been a while then maybe he will sit down with you and you can talk about it.

DrJizzle

hahaha this is funny.. and that stuff would bother the hell out of me!! I say call him on it! tell him its gross and to stop! you have to tell him more than once because hes spent his whole life building those bad habits so it will take some effort to change them.

As for the laughing... how old is this guy? matured? if so, then good luck with that one. make him aware of it and maybe he will be a little more conscious about it to at least "chill" it out a little.

dont just sit on this type of stuff.. it will ruin you and your relationshpi with this guy. That stuff festers and causes a cancer in your relationship. Get it out in the open... even if you do it jokingly...

Dennis777

Hello.

Sending you a great Big Hug... Don't feel like your being picky because the little things add up good or bad.

I bet he has a sines problem and thats why he is so loud. He can't breath through his nose very easy and in many cases his hearing can be bad. My Daughter was little by little having problems hearing and breathing so it made her get louder and louder with everything. I do mean everything snoring, moans you name it the world knew what she was doing hehehe. She finally went to a doctor because everyone was kidding her about being so loud and she found out she had sines problems. 99% of her problems are fixed now and she is much quieter. She didn't know how bad she was because it came on so slowly.

Hope this Helps.
Dennis777

Tuscany

I don't know if people can change their laughs but I know people that have different laughs. Sometimes quiet, sometimes big and boisterous.

Now the chewing thing...that would drive me CRAZY!! My step dad used to do that until my mom told him he could either shut his mouth or sit at another table. Sometimes he relapses into his old ways, but overall when my mom is around he chews quietly.

I think you should just talk to him. Be honest with him. It sounds like you have a great relationship otherwise, so I don't see these issues being a deal breaker right now. However if they continue they just might drive you crazy enough that you decide to leave.

Just remember no guy is perfect...

alkaline

About a year, though we've known each other for about 7.

Funny you should suggest that, because I basically did that on one of the issues this weekend.

We were at a BBQ with his family. Well, he started chewing really obnoxiously with his mouth open and talking, it was so blatant. I looked at him and hissed "STOP CHEWING AND TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!!!!" He did.

When we got home, I was kind of drunk, and I decided to bring it up again.

I said "Look, about earlier with the chewing with your mouth open thing and talking with your mouth full... you've got to stop doing that. It's really gross, and it is disgusting to see when other people are trying to eat, it's bad manners. You are almost 30 years old, it isn't *cute* when you do that, and it isn't attractive."

Then I told him how I'd asked him not to do it once before, and how he still does it and it is annoying me because I don't want to be a nag or his mom. It isn't my place.

So I said to him to please make an effort to stop so I don't have to keep telling him.

He said ok, he didn't get mad or anything. I mean, he was just pretty much like "ok, I'll try to stop doing that." So at least I brought it up again and that issue is out in the open.

woh337

Hi there, I have to admit that I had the same issues with guys. It is lame that it does bother us! I honestly do'nt know what to do with it, I actually did tell them before. Guess what...one of them have changed all the issues, the other got mad!! I recommend you do tell him about your concern, it helps things to work out. And btw, laughs...I am not sure if he can change that???It's hard...

huno

Definitely don't let him get away with that crap; it's friggin' disgusting. He's a grown man, not some drunken frat boy--he should learn to be a respectable member of society.

You could try what my mom did to "correct" my dad's issues: ask politely, maybe even make a joke out of it.

"If you keep chewing with your mouth open and snorting you're going to grow a curly pink tail and eat out of a trough."

I can't stand when people chew with their mouth open and talk loudly, and I notice a lot of self-centered "type A" guys do this. That's exactly how my dad is and my mom has found it's best to be gentle but firm.

Incidentally, laughs can change. I'm not sure how you'd go about it, but my younger brother had a really irritating laugh that changed gradually over time.