I just need someone to listen to me ....


I cry day and night .... and I can't hold it any longer ....


You know those police movies ....when a cop work under cover to get some information and data from some one ... in order to do this he has to live with them and be one of them ...... then he get in love with this family ,... and can't do his business any more ....

and he will be between tow fires ....... TWO FIRES ..... the fire of his job losing ,.... and the FIRE of being a liar to someone as pure as rain drops ....... and you cant say any word to him ... because you know deep inside that you are a LAIR .......


I am like this PERSON .....
I lied to someone ..... to make fun of him ...... BUT NOW I am becoming his best friend ..... and he is everything to me ....... I never imagined that it will be like this ....

its a dirty game I played .... and now I am regretting everyday passes by .. I tell a lie to that person .... I AM SORRY ....... I never meant it to be like this .....

I loved you like a true friend ....and ONLY god knows about it ..... and I can't face you with the truth ... because I am afraid if I lose you ....


it has been now ONE year and a half ..... we are friends ... but he doesn't know who the real am I ????

And we spend nights chatting and having fun ..... but as soon as he is gone ... I feel like a f(&(* as^%$# ..... I DESERVE TO DIE ..... he is sooo good .... and I betrayed him ....

I can't say the truth .... I can't tell anyone about this ..... its only me , him , my friend and my niece........ and now you people ... here in the forum .... I need someone to listen to me ... I have been tortured everyday .... keeping this all inside .... I can't bear it anymore .... and I am getting deeper and deeper in this s*&(* !!!!


PLEAS GOD SAVE ME ..... ITS KILLLING ME ..... EVERYWHERE I GO ... I THINK OF THIS AND I BECOME SAD ....AND I HOLD MY TEARS .... BUT I CAN'T PRETEND I AM HAPPY ..... EVERY ONE AROUND ME KNOWS THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG .....I am not as I used to be..... funny and happy ...... I am changing ....

by telling you that ... I feel much more better .... at least there is someone share it with me now.....

lengkyx

It's ok, honey. The important thing is how you feel about this person right now. May be you did some mistakes in the past. It's good that you acknowledge this and that you are sorry about it. Your actions towards this person now should be a testimonial that you have changed. Next thing that you should do is to forgive yourself. Always remember you can't be that bad especially you're a child of God. Peace!

Spranza

I don't know what to say to you Lengkyx ..... BUT your answer made me in tears .... I hope he will forgive me after what I did to him ..... I don't think so ?!

And I can't forgive myself .... I would rather burn in hell ...than telling him lies again ... but I just can't stop .... I can't stop talking to him .... and I can't stop lying too .... because once I do ... he will know about everything ... and he will hate me ....

I AM FORCED TO DO IT!! ....

and what hurst the most that he trusts me blindly .... he even gave me his email password.... and asked me to log on with his own ....

I WON"T never betray him and do anything to his email ...or even to him .... but I believe that telling him lies will hurt him even more when he knows about it ...

Thanx for your replay .... it really helps ....

but please don't be that kind to me .... I don't deserve it ..... I deserve insults from every one read this!! ....

you can say :
You BH... why did you do that....!!

you can say :
What the hell are you thinking ... its someones feelings .... YOU SICK??!!

you can say :
GO TO HELL!!!

you can say :
DIE

you can say :
cry yourself a river ... no one will forgive you ....

you can say :
May God burn you alive....

you can say :
you are Cursed!!!

you can say :
Find a doctor!!

you can say : anything that make me feel better .....

I really mean it .... I MEAN IT O_O....

At least I can feel that there are others who can take his rights .... and avenge him ...

ihatewestseneca

i think we're gonna need more info if we're going to have any luck making any sense of this/giving you some decent advice.

the purpose of this forum is to post whatever you want and not feel judged. maybe you did something awful, it doesn't matter what we think anyway, we're just a bunch of jerks on the internets.

it'll really make you feel better if you write down everything that happened and how you feel. then we can go from there. but by the looks of things, you gotta learn to forgive yourself, we all do stupid things.

talaniman

Please make sense for all us poor guys who can't read minds, or broken senseless english. Have you no mercy??

rockerchick_682

lol Talaniman I totally agree. I tried reading the whole thing, all I got was something about being fake to a guy.

oneguyinohio

Well your joke certainly seemed to backfire on you. With that in mind, you'll only continue to hurt if you go on the same way. If you come clean, you'll at least know that you did that. Even if it ends the relationship, and he never communicates again, at least you'll know that you are not continuing the lies, and that you cut him loose from the deception.

I don't know what the secret lies were, but it is possible that it means more to you than it would him, or you may be right that it will make a big difference to him, but it doesn't make much sense for you to continue it with your feelings as they are.

Your post has led me to speculate on something such as you are not female, or you are not single, or you are not the age you told him, or you've had a sex change, or the list could go on and on if I keep speculating, but I won't. I'll wait to see if you post any more information.

Spranza

GUYS ,….. it’s a long damn story … but if you are willing to hear it , then it will be ….

And I am here to share it with you guys …. I swear I'm writing this again …. After I was putting the last lines of my replay … it was all gone … because of a stupid touch pad … was hit by mistake to backward the page …

Any way … I am sorry for being late …. My mistake … and sorry for not being clear …. Because I am totally miserable … and I want to talk it out …. ..but here is the story …

This thing has been going on for a year and a half now … for begin reckless and pre-judging things and people ….. I was so stupid to listen to someone …. And help doing stupid things …. I will tell how this has happened ….

One day …. My niece came to me telling me about some guy who has looked her down and never wanted to help her back …it was all about photo shop and forums …. She loved PS and wanted to learn it by all means …. And she is so smart ….. This guy is a tough TALENTED person on PS … and he was just showing off on people their ….. << one of them was my niece …. Moreover , he made fun of her designs and his replays were sooo tough and harsh …. As if " do you call this a design you don't know any thing about PS … go work on a painter … its better for you!''

She told me all about this …. And she was hell mad …. And even cried …. I was sooo fouirse ….because I just hate when it gets my family … no one touches my family NO ONE!!!

So while I was signing in with my MSN … I wanted to check my chat log !! … so I found one of them was not mine …. I opened it … and there I found it was my niece email on it … and the other one was by that guy name….. and the whole conversation was one line …. She was telling him happy holiday ….. and he didn't even replay back …
I was like……( what the hell …. This girl never learns …. He is that bad and she still sends him greetings …!!)

So I added his email <<< MY LIFE MISTAKE…..
Not to hurt him or to do anything bad to him … But I was just so curies to know how does this guy's mind work!! Why does he look poeple down …. And how does he think!!??
And he got online and we chatted ….. then he asked me "where are you from ?? "
I said .. I am American …. <<< THE SECOND LIFE MISTAKE…..

But that wasn't for him only …. I NEVER give a guy from my own country my real name, my real location , my real identity << its culture's differences !.....NVM
Btw , it turned out that he is doing somehow the same ….

So …. As an American … I had to fake my daily life ….. how do I spend my free time …. Where do I live … what are my studies … who is my family …. ALL FAKE! ….. I even showed him a pic of a girl << who is not me !!

It turned out that this guy …. Started to believe me and very happy about it, then a brilliant idea came to my STUPID mind ….. I said … why not to go on …. And complete this as long as he is believing it …I will be revenging my niece ..and at the END ,…. I will just tell him that you were fooled …. You have been lied to…. I am not an American .. I thought you would be a smart a%^ to know … but you turned out to be stupid… Why to show off … while you are not worth it … << I HATE MYSLEF FOR SAYING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took advantages of my fluent English << well no that fluent … but good … to fool that guy and make up events ….doesn't exist only on MOVIES !! (don’t look at me like that :S)

Still want to know what I did……………………….

I faked my pic

I faked group conversations …………for 6 people << ALL OF THEM WERE I AM….. and that guy!

I pretend to go online drunk!!

He dreams about me ….. and says to me …. You are an angel!!!<< I was soo good to him …actually that is me …. But I was blind by devil!

I made him translate songs for me to English while I knew what they mean … because they were my with language

I had a boyfriend ….. and I broke up with him ……

I EVEN SUICIDE….. and made him shade tears ………<<< well that was meant to be an escape for me to just vanish and never come back ….. but I couldn't …. And I got back to him << I know it was stupid and totally wrong but I want to finish this madness …

I talked to his friends …….. and he was like " hey this is my best friend ……BEST EVER!!!"

I talked to his sisters …… and that what kills me …… they are sooo cute and nice ….. but I just can't go back …. To day No.1 and say ….. all that were lies …. I was joking !!

I DID THINGS YOU WILL NEVER IMAGINE!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE …….(don't trust MSN friends)

I knew that guy ….and knew how does he think…. What does he want …. What does he need …. His way of expressing things …. I knew when he has anything in his mind … without even saying it …. And he told me that I am the only one who could understand him out of all his friends ….. he almost got 112 contacts … and he only talks to me !! we talk every night …till morning … for hours and hours …..laughing .. and having fun

I was having fun with this s*** …. Till one day !!

He travelled to somewhere out side our borders …. And he didn't go online for about ONE month …… I WAS WORRIED like hell ….. and even had dreams about him …. I sent him messages …. I was like crazy then I stopped for a while (WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!!??) you never suppose to be like that ….. he means nothing to you …. Stop worrying …. But I couldn’t ….. ONLY THEN …. I realized that this guy means a lot to me …. And I begin to care about him as I care about not only a friend but a FAMILY …. And I would kill any one tries to hurt him …..

I was so scarred about my new feelings ….. and I couldn’t lie to him when I met him after that ….. then he told me " you've changed….. is there anything wrong? … you are hiding something … you know that we can share anything …. If there is anything bothers you …. Just tell me?!" …. I almost died ……

So I started to tell lies again … I didn't want him to know I am fake …… I didn't want to LOSE him …. This friend ….. is part of my life now ….. we share secrets … we solve each other problems and issues ….. we are much more than just friends …. He tells me everything …. And I do the same but some how I Americanized it a bit ….. WE ARE ONE NOW ….. he introduced me to his family T_T … I met his sisters …. I HATE MYSELF ….. now I am not lying to one person … but to the whole family …..

LOOK AT ME ….. I can't go back now …. And I am sooooo deep in this ….. I don't want to lose him …. I became addicted to him …. I talk to him every day ….. I even mistaken his name with my family members ….. because I talk to him more than I do to them ….

YES I faked everything ….. but I didn’t fake my feelings ….. they are all true !!! and I would sacrifice myself for him and give him my all ….. because he is a really true friend …. And I deserve him NOT!!!!

Spranza

Sorry for that .....

P.S.
Is my English that broken ...... ... well ...... This broken English fooled My friend

I wish if he were like you .... and finds out that I am fake .... I would be released from this sad, heart smasher story ....

btw ...
I wrote him a poem ..... and its about the whole thing...
but I decided to hand it over to him when he finds out the truth .... and I will be vanished for ever

Spranza

yes I lied about my age ...
I told him 22 and I am 23

But I didn't lied about my sex ... he knows I am a female ...
and I am single ...

I am ready to tell you guys anything ..... you just ask .... I feel better by telling someone what I felt about it ...since I have been keeping it all inside.....
its killing me